Jokes, one liners etc. ( To ease the pain of waiting.)

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SPQR

Master Knight
What?!  you didnt like the joke?? I thought it was pretty funny.

and also a sad dose of reality..

You should have spaced the jokes out a bit.. lazy people, like me, only have a joke threshold of 1 or 2 per post.
 

lukakiwi

Recruit
SPQR said:
What?!  you didnt like the joke?? I thought it was pretty funny.

and also a sad dose of reality..

You should have spaced the jokes out a bit.. lazy people, like me, only have a joke threshold of 1 or 2 per post.

Maybe he is a liberal and took ofence, it would be better if you say 'politicians' not liberals to avoid effending people.
 

SPQR

Master Knight
but then it would be politically correct(PC).. and it would not be funny.

come on.. need some support here.
 

muiehaha

Sergeant
Again, im not racist but....What is the difference between a Muslim and a dead horse? It's no fun beating a dead horse
         
A man goes into an adult entertainment shop and asks
the assistant for an inflatable doll.
"Would you like male or female?"
"Female, please."
"Would you like Black or White?"
"White, please."
"Would you like Christian or Muslim?"
This question confused the man, so he asked,
"What has the religion got to do with it? It's an
inflatable doll!"
"Well," explained the assistant, "The Muslim one blows
itself up!"

What do you call a Muslim flying a plane?
A terrorist.

What do you call a black man flying a plane?
A pilot, you racist ****!
 

russik112

Banned
WB
SPQR said:
What?!  you didnt like the joke?? I thought it was pretty funny.

and also a sad dose of reality..

You should have spaced the jokes out a bit.. lazy people, like me, only have a joke threshold of 1 or 2 per post.
I am muslim my good freind.












Birthday Present
A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real ***** tonight, Dave."
 

tegalad

Banned
WB
SPQR said:
What?!  you didnt like the joke?? I thought it was pretty funny.

and also a sad dose of reality..

You should have spaced the jokes out a bit.. lazy people, like me, only have a joke threshold of 1 or 2 per post.
American politics jokes are only funny when about republicans.
 

lukakiwi

Recruit
some of these jokes are really good,

heres a sick one: whats the difference between a ferari and a pile of dead babies?
                            I dont have a ferari in my garage!
 

von Afton

Master Knight
lukakiwi said:
some of these jokes are really good,

heres a sick one: whats the difference between a ferari and a pile of dead babies?
                            I dont have a ferari in my garage!

Nice!!!
 

russik112

Banned
WB
Horrible joke..


___ This one is funny!! _____


A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said,
"Go get your maw!"
 

lukakiwi

Recruit
russik112 said:
Horrible joke..


___ This one is funny!! _____


A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said,
"Go get your maw!"

Legendary!!!! hahahaha,
 

russik112

Banned
WB
:cool:

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.

Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?"

"Yup, shore am!"

"How much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answered, "Ten pounds."

The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds."

The proud Texas father said, "Jest had him circumcised!"
 

-Raven-

Veteran
A boy asks his mother, "Mum is it bad to have a willy?"
The mother replies, "No son, why do you ask?"
The young boy replies, "Because dads upstairs trying to pull his off"

:mrgreen:
 

russik112

Banned
WB
-Raven- said:
A boy asks his mother, "Mum is it bad to have a willy?"
The mother replies, "No son, why do you ask?"
The young boy replies, "Because dads upstairs trying to pull his off"

:mrgreen:
Bravo, but my jokes are legendary, Jusr saying  :cool:


Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up.

But then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me."

The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman.

The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, We 'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each.

And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet.

The husband says "but you don 't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it.'

The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says " I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register. "

The husband says, " no no no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife face goes blank.

" No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

Her face gets really red she is about to explode and then the husband says
" You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!"
 

Nasferatu

Sergeant
russik112 said:
-Raven- said:
A boy asks his mother, "Mum is it bad to have a willy?"
The mother replies, "No son, why do you ask?"
The young boy replies, "Because dads upstairs trying to pull his off"

:mrgreen:
Bravo, but my jokes are legendary, Jusr saying  :cool:


Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up.

But then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me."

The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman.

The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, We 'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each.

And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet.

The husband says "but you don 't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it.'

The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says " I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register. "

The husband says, " no no no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife face goes blank.

" No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

Her face gets really red she is about to explode and then the husband says
" You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!"

best joke so far :smile:
 
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