Jokes, one liners etc. ( To ease the pain of waiting.)

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this ones good

A man went to the doctor to try to find some tips on how to lose weight.
He told him to do something that got him out of breath every day... so he started smoking again.
  :lol:
 
russik112 said:
Horrible joke..


___ This one is funny!! _____


A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said,
"Go get your maw!"

This made my day, you sir are just hilarious.
 
shadowarcher said:
russik112 said:
Horrible joke..


___ This one is funny!! _____


A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said,
"Go get your maw!"

This made my day, you sir are just hilarious.
Once again mission accomplished
 
Seventeenth Chapter
A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week.

"Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark."

The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, "Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room."

About half the class rose and came forward.

"The rest of you may leave," said the teacher, "these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark."
 
My wife said she's leaving me, because I'm reckless and keep taking stupid risks.

I think that's what she said anyway...
...I was shaving my bollocks with a chainsaw at the time.






 
          Barman! Three whiskeys!
-Whats wrong!?
-I've just find out my elder brother is gay..
-Well you can't have EVERYTHING in your life..
-But I've also find out that my youngest brother is gay....
-Wow, does anyone like women in your family dude?!

...

-Yes, my mother...

Barman: 
meme+lol.png
 
This one is not funny.




A mother was once washing her 4 year-old, once the kid looked at his little ballsack and asked '' Mommy, are these my brains? '' The mother replied





'' Not yet ''





 
Big Boss said:
This one is not funny.




A mother was once washing her 4 year-old, once the kid looked at his little ballsack and asked '' Mommy, are these my brains? '' The mother replied





'' Not yet ''
  :lol:
 
A tall man calls a small man a little ****, then asks him if he has a better comeback, the small man replies "if i wanted my *** back, i would have scraped it of your mums tits"

Ahem.
 
a gay man walks into a clothing store and asks to speak with the manager. the manager comes out and hands him a glass of water. the gay man tells him that there are no clothes in his size. the manager asks how the gay man would know this, and takes a sip of the gay man's water. having just came in, without browsing, another man, who is black, approached the counter. the gay man tells him: "what a pickle!"

:lol:
 
No offense to Swedes or anything.. Just a private joke.. So here it is..

Know what a penguin and a Swedish fighter plane share? They both have wings, but neither of them can fly.
 
Why do so many gays have mustaches? To hide the stretch marks.

Why do women have two holes so close together? in case u miss

Why did Hitler kill himself? The Jews sent him a gas bill


 
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