Dating Thread, v. II

[Mad Vader]

Just curious, has anyone here felt some form of special attraction to someone in/ on a dating app/ platform? If so, did the other person feel the same way? I wonder if people can reproduce the same level of attraction in digital world.

Have we dated people we have met online? Yes, of course.

However, getting a crush online is counter-productive, you need to keep your excitement at reasonable levels until you actually meet the person. It's very easy to project what you want on someone you barely know and meeting someone for the first time IRL is frequently somewhat disappointing because of unreasonable expectations. Or very disappointing if she is fat and her pictures hid that small detail.

I have a feeling you are going to ask "I have an online crush, how can I test if she has feelings for me too?". That one is simple, send her a **** picture. If she doesn't block you, she cares.

 

[Tasak]

(...)

Thanks, I was just curious about online dating. To be honest, randomly meeting a person in real life and feeling something is the best but with 2 years lost due to the virus everyone has moved on to the Internet, I guess. Let me rephrase the question, has anyone here ended up with a really good partner after connecting with his/ her partner on the Internet? If so, did that person feel the same way based alone on the Internet? Real world is kind of more natural and digital world is out of question, sometimes.

 

[Mad Vader]

I'm old school and think real world works best, but anyone's social circles are severely limited compared to the totality of society. So you only can possibly meet a small percentage of women in real life out of the whole population, and much of that population that's available is on dating sites. So, in theory, you would do have much wider choice on dating sites and increasingly more couples that end up in serious relationships have met online.
We have examples here on this forum of people (that btw might be international mercenaries) who met their future wives on the internet, and it's the new normal.
Basically your question is out of date by a couple of decades.

(Personally I had two serious relationships from dating sites out of ten or so different online dates, but I'm choosy and the women I like are sadly even choosier.)

 

[eddiemccandless]

Thanks, I was just curious about online dating. To be honest, randomly meeting a person in real life and feeling something is the best but with 2 years lost due to the virus everyone has moved on to the Internet, I guess. Let me rephrase the question, has anyone here ended up with a really good partner after connecting with his/ her partner on the Internet? If so, did that person feel the same way based alone on the Internet? Real world is kind of more natural and digital world is out of question, sometimes.

I believe that I mentioned it previously in this thread but I met my wife in an MMO. We dated long distance for about seven years and now are married and living together. It wasn't easy and definitely not for everyone, but it's also very possible with today's technology.

 

[Seff]

I've had both casual and romantic relationships from online meetings. I'd say somewhere along 30-50% of the girls I've met from Tinder, have wanted something casual or romantic with me.

But I also tend to write for a long time. Conversations can last for months, before meeting.

 

[Tasak]

I believe that I mentioned it previously in this thread but I met my wife in an MMO. We dated long distance for about seven years and now are married and living together. It wasn't easy and definitely not for everyone, but it's also very possible with today's technology.

Wow, that is incredible. Did you both feel something special when you first interacted with each other? As if in real world's 'love from first sight'?

 

[eddiemccandless]

Wow, that is incredible. Did you both feel something special when you first interacted with each other? As if in real world's 'love from first sight'?

We definitely connected but it wasn't quite like that, it developed into something more slowly over time. The nice thing is that we started feeling a connection before we even knew what we looked like, which I think is not a bad way to lay the foundations for a long term relationship.

 

[Seff]

We?

 

[Antonis]

Is there a term for a neckbeard girl?

 

[Pentagathoos]

Yes, a throatbeaver

 

[Arvenski]

Girl I mentioned earlier came around this morning with her family. It was spur-of-the-moment, but I guess I figured since she was there and I didn't know when I'd see her next, I'd go for it. I must’ve been feeling confident. Anyway, I took her aside and asked her if she'd like to go for a walk someday. She said we'd have to see. I asked if I should text her, and she said "Nah, I'll let you know." So basically no. Okay, then. So much for that. Thinking about it more, though, I guess I'm glad I got the chance to ask and got turned down now, before I let myself build my hopes up too high.

It's the bachelor's life for me!

 

[Mad Vader]

I know that's how you are supposed to ask for dates (at least in high school?), but I find it artificial and forced to simply pop the question. Based on my experience/preference, there has to be some interplay before and possibilities in the air - I have to be sure it's a likely yes. Without this it's an almost guaranteed "no" (unless you are already swimming in *****, one of life's stupid mysteries).

Now, try that backhanded Plan B, giving the idea to her mother.

 

[Seff]

I'd say send **** pics.

 

[Pentagathoos]

So basically no. Okay, then.

Yep. Good on ya for being direct though.

 

[Arvenski]

Girl I mentioned earlier came around this morning with her family. It was spur-of-the-moment, but I guess I figured since she was there and I didn't know when I'd see her next, I'd go for it. I must’ve been feeling confident. Anyway, I took her aside and asked her if she'd like to go for a walk someday. She said we'd have to see. I asked if I should text her, and she said "Nah, I'll let you know." So basically no. Okay, then. So much for that. Thinking about it more, though, I guess I'm glad I got the chance to ask and got turned down now, before I let myself build my hopes up too high.

And yet, building my hopes too high is exactly what I've done. This girl is at college now, and I haven't seen her since June/July, but lately I think I've been missing her. I think about her every day. I see pictures of her on social media and think "God, she's cute". I'm wishing for a chance to see her again and just chat with her, and try and build a connection between us that would hopefully go somewhere. I want to believe we have enough in common that we could have a serious relationship, but there's also another part of me that remembers that she really doesn't know me very well (nor I her) so she probably doesn't have any reason to be interested in me. And then there's another part of me that asks why she, or any special girl, would be interested in me. Basically I think my head is a mess.

 

[Mad Vader]

Yeah, you need to let go of obsessions like this, it's more likely than not pure wishful thinking and fantasy when most of it happens in your head.
Tackle your loneliness problem in some more direct and satisfying way.

 

[Antonis]

Bar-hopping.

 

[Arvenski]

Yeah, you need to let go of obsessions like this, it's more likely than not pure wishful thinking and fantasy when most of it happens in your head.

That's good advice. Thanks.

Tackle your loneliness problem in some more direct and satisfying way.

I really don't know how to do that, and from the conversations I've tried to have with family members, no one else close to me seems to have any suggestions. Maybe professional help really is the next step. Not that I'm likely to do that anytime soon, either.

 

[Mad Vader]

I really don't know how to do that, and from the conversations I've tried to have with family members, no one else close to me seems to have any suggestions. Maybe professional help really is the next step. Not that I'm likely to do that anytime soon, either.

I don't know your options, so it's hard to say anything specific. Any kind of social events would help, but specifically regular social activities like salsa classes, cooking courses or whatever really. Dating experts also say that those kind of activities really help in meeting prospective partners, as online dating desensitized people to other online people.

 

[Arvenski]

I agree, I'd much rather meet women in person than online, ideally. The trouble with social events is, even if I find something advertised online that sounds interesting to me, I always wonder if I'm going to be the only person my age (or from my background) in the room. I mean, I can be friends with people 20-50 years older than me, but if I go to some event in hopes of meeting a girl and all the women there are either married ladies or boomers, and they're all looking at me like "Hey that's cute, what's this kid doing here", then what's the point? I dread not fitting in. I know I should have gone to university to meet people my own age, but I'm much happier outdoors than inside studying so ultimately I'm glad I didn't go.

Anyway, I guess the first thing to do before I join anything is to buy a house. That process has been stalled for a couple months now and that's bothering me a lot too. I guess I'd been waiting for the perfect house to come along and for all my financial stars to align, but now I'm starting to feel like it's time to just say "**** it" and go buy something that will work. I think I'll feel better once I have my own place. It'll be lonelier than living with my parents, which does worry me a bit, but it will be less stressful. I'm so tired of stress and drama and bull****. I'm fine when I'm at work but anytime I've been home lately I've felt exhausted and angry.

Anyway, enough ranting, sorry guys. Guess it's been too long since I let it all out. Sorry if I got off topic a bit.