Dating Thread, v. II
- Thread starter Icey Fresh Werewolf
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My dating non-adventures continue: the girl from Colorado and I had been talking regularly for a few weeks, but lately we haven't been texting as much as we've both been busy with work. She's been fun to talk to, though. I think an in-person meeting is out of the question, though. Even though flirting and sexting makes up 95% of our conversations, I definitely get the impression that she's not ready to actually have sex with someone. Which I'm perfectly fine with: my libido seems to have gone down quite a lot since I was a teenager, thank God, so I'm not desperate to get laid. I've just been enjoying the fun we've been having.
Talking with the Colorado girl has boosted my confidence, too: There's this girl, a neighbor of ours, who I've been noticing for a while. She's a few years younger than me, and her family and my family are all neighbors and friends, so I was afraid that asking her out would be a bad idea and that it might make things awkward between me and her family later on if we broke up. Basically I think I was overthinking it and generally lacking in self-confidence, which is typical. But now, I want to go for it. She seems like a nice girl from a similar background to me, and if I'm ever going to find someone I'm going to have to take a chance, right? Only trouble is, I don't see her to talk to very often, and when I have it's always been in passing when there have been other people around. I've been in that situation before with my last crush, and I don't want to be in it again, no sir. I'm too old to be the kid who likes the girl he always sees from a distance, but never asks her out. I'm brave enough to ask her out, I just need to meet her more often, and preferably find the right social situation where I'm not pressed for time and we're not surrounded by our family members. Not sure how to make that happen, other than to just stay in contact with her family and hope I see her one of these days, I guess. This is where I can get really frustrated at my lack of social skills.
Talking with the Colorado girl has boosted my confidence, too: There's this girl, a neighbor of ours, who I've been noticing for a while. She's a few years younger than me, and her family and my family are all neighbors and friends, so I was afraid that asking her out would be a bad idea and that it might make things awkward between me and her family later on if we broke up. Basically I think I was overthinking it and generally lacking in self-confidence, which is typical. But now, I want to go for it. She seems like a nice girl from a similar background to me, and if I'm ever going to find someone I'm going to have to take a chance, right? Only trouble is, I don't see her to talk to very often, and when I have it's always been in passing when there have been other people around. I've been in that situation before with my last crush, and I don't want to be in it again, no sir. I'm too old to be the kid who likes the girl he always sees from a distance, but never asks her out. I'm brave enough to ask her out, I just need to meet her more often, and preferably find the right social situation where I'm not pressed for time and we're not surrounded by our family members. Not sure how to make that happen, other than to just stay in contact with her family and hope I see her one of these days, I guess. This is where I can get really frustrated at my lack of social skills.
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Conspire with your family patriarch to arrange an inter-family meeting (or more of them) on some pretext, so you can explore this possibility of reproducing for the glory of your clan. This should be on everyone's mind, their future too is inside your testicles. ??
About the previous girl, there's always a window of opportunity to make a move when you meet someone new and exciting, and there are romantic and sexual possibilities in the air. You can keep up the excitement and interest for a short while, but it can get stale quickly, and the window closes. You can't just think about pros and cons indefinitely, if you are that type. Making a move on instinct is almost always a good idea (unless it isn't, but then you at least tried
).
About the previous girl, there's always a window of opportunity to make a move when you meet someone new and exciting, and there are romantic and sexual possibilities in the air. You can keep up the excitement and interest for a short while, but it can get stale quickly, and the window closes. You can't just think about pros and cons indefinitely, if you are that type. Making a move on instinct is almost always a good idea (unless it isn't, but then you at least tried
).
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I may have come up with an even better idea: I thought I'd drop a hint to her family's matriarch (who I see more often than I see this girl) that I like the girl, and see how far the older lady runs with the idea. I'm hoping she'd get excited at the chance to play matchmaker, and she could arrange a meeting between us pretty easily.
Generally trusting your instincts is the best... unless you are a salivating cave troll who won't construct a proper sentence in front of a female... then forget. You need to be a) yourself but also b) cool. Involving anybody from her family is in my opinion a bad move. She may think you want to do it the easiest possible way or want to marry her, both cases might not be exactly what you want. Plus imagine your mother-in-law bragging about the fact she facilitated your first date . Unacceptable!
Small talks usually work best. Does she live nearby? Pretend fidget spinner slipped out of your finger while you were practicing tricks the last day and should be somewhere on her lawn, roof, whatever. Find the best excuse to shorten the distance. Then - tell your name. Complement her's (if she lets you know what is her name). Ask her something neutral (school, work, how long does she live there). Do not try to be the knight in the shining armor immediately (or never). Be cool, make a good first impression. You will immediately see if she is interested in conversation and whether she enjoys it or not...
P.S. She may also be out of your league so forget - nothing will help you there :p
. Unacceptable!Small talks usually work best. Does she live nearby? Pretend fidget spinner slipped out of your finger while you were practicing tricks the last day and should be somewhere on her lawn, roof, whatever. Find the best excuse to shorten the distance. Then - tell your name. Complement her's (if she lets you know what is her name). Ask her something neutral (school, work, how long does she live there). Do not try to be the knight in the shining armor immediately (or never). Be cool, make a good first impression. You will immediately see if she is interested in conversation and whether she enjoys it or not...
P.S. She may also be out of your league so forget - nothing will help you there :p
That's kind of lame in non-conservative circles, it's not ballsy and can backfire easily. But if you live in a traditional society, like the whole of Asia, arranged marriage is the way to go, so who am I to say it sucks.
I sincerely recommend you making the bold first step, putting your cojones on the line. If anything, women like confidence.
Like in your first plan, you can go slow and not make sudden moves, just testing the ground and sending a subtle message. If you are serious about it, make it a long-term project taking several months and make your mission to slowly gain her trust and interest. The way this works is that you spend pleasant time with each other and send each other messages that over time escalate in intensity and obviousness.
Try to be interesting and mysterious, but friendly and supportive. Above all, try to be attractive. Also don't forget to become rich and famous by going into game development like Adorno!
He knows her socially through their families. I think they live in a farmer country where farms are worked by extended families and are far from each other, so the dating difficulties are obvious - incest is a popular hobby.
Apart from various multi-family gatherings, like funerals and weddings, the social life is probably reduced to going to line dancing and rodeos in the nearest town.
I'm sure this is exactly what happens over there.
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Colorado girl might have you as a sexting toy. Don't force anything.
Re Neighbor Girl: You need to hang out with her. Find out if she's actually interesting, and interested. Maybe a cool passtime? Dirt biking, going for a hike, anything? Think of it as a very casual date.
I misread that as dirty biking, and was very amused
No saddles attached
Re: Colorado girl: I believe you are correct. Like I said, that's fine. I told her early on that I'd be open to meeting her in person, but I could tell she wasn't into that so I didn't push it.
As for the neighbor girl, I was thinking of inviting her for a walk together. Both our families have farms so we have plenty of places to walk, and if she'd rather go somewhere else there are some nice parks around here, too. Nothing fancy, just a chance for us to hang out and get to know one another a bit. Just need to ask her first. I can see now how mentioning something to a family member might be a bad idea: on one hand, it would be faster, since I see her relatives a lot more often than I see her, but on the other hand I don't want to come across like the cliche of the teenager who is too scared to ask someone out, so he asks an intermediary to test the water for him. I guess I should just be patient and wait for the next time I see her. I don't normally stop by to visit people, so maybe I should make more of a habit of stopping by to talk to them, like on weekends when they're working in the yard or something. That'd probably be a good time to catch her. I'd thought of all that already, but honestly that's where my social skills are the problem. That's how a lot of socializing in our neighborhood seems to happen: friends and neighbors drop in on each other and chat. People we know often stop at the farm to talk to us when we're at work. I have no problem talking to people when they stop to see us (I enjoy it), but I'm not confident enough to visit them unannounced when they're at home. I'm always afraid I'll stop in at a bad time or I'll be bothering them. Guess I've just got to get better at it.
A couple of times, briefly, but always when there have been multiple other people around or when we've been busy. I actually spoke to her for a moment last weekend, but I was with my dad who was in a hurry to leave, she was with her family, and there was a lot of background noise. It wasn't the right time to try to take her aside and ask her out.
Also, sorry for the long posts: I've always found this forum to be a nice place to write out my thoughts and try to make some sense of them. With the added benefit of having other people to tell me if I'm on the right track or if I'm nuts.
Also, sorry for the long posts: I've always found this forum to be a nice place to write out my thoughts and try to make some sense of them. With the added benefit of having other people to tell me if I'm on the right track or if I'm nuts.
This forum is diverse, and that means nuanced replies. Back when anyone was active, anyway.
How has she spoken to you, in those instances? Has it been very mechanical, to-the-point, or has there been joking, smiles, laughs?
I'd say, given that you've clearly met and spoken, I wouldn't hesitate to add her on social media, and message her there.
How has she spoken to you, in those instances? Has it been very mechanical, to-the-point, or has there been joking, smiles, laughs?
I'd say, given that you've clearly met and spoken, I wouldn't hesitate to add her on social media, and message her there.
Late reply, sorry.
To be honest, we haven't spoken enough for me to say one way or the other.
That's a good idea. I think in person would be ideal, as there's more of a connection when talking face to face than there is through a DM, but if meeting in person to ask her out is going to be difficult to achieve then perhaps a DM would be a better way. I have been trying to see her in person but haven't had any luck yet. Been hoping to catch her before she goes on vacation, but if I don't, oh, well. I'll just have to wait a little while longer.
I say just go to her place and talk to her. I am not sure how old you are, but since you mentioned something about teenagers when I was in a high school I had a special gift for overthinking things way too much and making my life more difficult than it needed to be, especially when it comes to dating. If she likes you things will be easy, if she doesn't the sooner you know the better so that you can move on.
