Yeah this an issue with high tier weapons and armor, you just can't find the good stuff. There are so many bad ass swords like the lords carry never are in shops that I have seen. I have done everything but cheat and cant get a bound crossbow for my merc crossbow build character.
Instead taking weapons/armors of lords, they should change the system that allow players to gain access their wife's/husband's gear. (None of this would have happened if the marriage system has been like in Warband....) If this system will not change during EA then players should only be able to change civilian equipments of their wife/husband, not their battle-gear.
I never understood why M&B games are designed in a way that it's easier for the player to look like the faction they are fighting against (cause of the battle loot) than it is to like the faction they are fighting side by side. Maybe a solution would be to give the player a choice of lord level equipment when they join a faction and become a lord themselves ? As in a gift of fealty?