Dating Thread, v. I

[Cyborg Eastern European]

You said stall an orgasm not permanently lose his boner.

 

[vadermath]

If I'd wanted that to happen, I'd advise thinking specifically of you.

 

[Wolfhead]

C'mon, guys, no need to fight over my boner.

Anyway, MY LIFE ****ING SUCKS!

The girl I went out with is my "friend with benefits". She's the only girl I ever had sex with(twice before today), and we never had vaginal sex. No penetration, just oral and general foreplay.

So we went out. We drank. We came to my place. We smoked some weed.
We kissed for a while, I took her to her to my bed, I went down on her, she came, everything was cool, my brain was going "giggity-giggity-aaalllriiight!"

Then, much to my surprise and delight, she agreed to finally go all the way.
"Finally!" - I thought - "Something is going smoothly for once."

Of course, my life had to prove me wrong. Cause that's it's job.

THE ****ING CONDOM DIDN'T ****ING FIT!

She doesn't take the pill because her mother is a fascist, and she doesn't like to give head without a condom, so there goes my ****ing night.

My entire life is a joke in very bad taste.

/rage

So that's it then. Pleasure to meet you. I'm Renan the First, King of blueballs.

 

[Fierce Headmaster]

Now that's strange, you're having problems because your **** is big, and not otherwise. Seriously, that ****ing sucks. Don't know really what to say, but you will have time to try again. Just make sure you buy a XXL-size when that time comes.

 

[Wolfhead]

Dude, the problem is I never considered my **** to be big.
And of course, I sound like a total ******* when I say something like that.

It's just occurred to me that I just had the complete opposite to a erectile dysfunction.

 

[Fierce Headmaster]

Happens. Sometimes the blood flow is stronger and you get around a centimeter over the average size and such. But you should have waited a bit for it to get smaller, put the condom and then get the boner back. It would feel tight, but the condom is made of rubber anyways, so it stretches.

 

[FrisianDude]

So she likes the taste of rubber?

 

[Wolfhead]

No. She's paranoid I'll *** on her mouth. Which she hates.

 

[Ebin]

I've had the same problem before. Use the... Skyn brand condoms it's a latex alternative that will stretch out past a magnum. It's a bit snug and can leave a bruise around the bottom of your **** but it's better than the Magnums. Unless you are long enough for those, if not then they end up unraveling during sex.

EDIT: If you don't consider your **** to be "Big" then I'm assuming you aren't long enough for a magnum. But your in my situation where your too wide for regular condoms. Oh yeah, and Magnums have an aweful smell to them as well.

EDIT2: Oh yeah, and don't try the aformentioned statement. At anytime you become soft while wearing a condom it is stressed that you take it off, and put on another once your completely erect.

 

[Wolfhead]

Good hint. I just don't know if there's any of those in Brazil. But thanks anyway.

 

[Lyze]

Wolfhead, you can pride yourself on the fact that she came because of your efforts. You can hold your head up high to that.

 

[Cyborg Eastern European]

Didn't get him anywhere.



...unless she decides she owes him later...

 

[Wolfhead]

She haves a pretty good reason to come back, at least. My tongue.

 

[Swadius 2.0]

THE ****ING CONDOM DIDN'T ****ING FIT!

She doesn't take the pill because her mother is a fascist, and she doesn't like to give head without a condom, so there goes my ****ing night.

You should really plan out these things in detail before hand, especially if you are alone. It generally pays to give things some forethought .

 

[Wolfhead]

Yeah I will, now. But the last time we did it with a different condom and it fit, so I honestly thought it would fit this time.

 

[Ebin]

Yeah I will, now. But the last time we did it with a different condom and it fit, so I honestly thought it would fit this time.

*******! I've tried them all! But no I have  to buy these ****ing expensive Skyn ones or deal with magnums and their smell. Also the box and wrapper is obnoxious as hell. Anyways, find that type of condom. And worse comes to worse, maybe your just doing it wrong.

 

[Swadius 2.0]

Yeah I will, now. But the last time we did it with a different condom and it fit, so I honestly thought it would fit this time.

Lots of condom brands have different size types in order to cater to a wide market, some of them usually don't advertise it in big bold letters on their boxes either for obvious reasons . You probably bought an "Indian" or "Asian" size one.

 

[Wolfhead]

 

[Cyborg Eastern European]

Can't you supposedly fit those over your head anyway?
I saw two inflated to...ridiculous sizes in a video.

 

[Ebin]

Just regular Condoms Hyperion? Because if you meant that, the little "Ring" at the base isn't stretchy at all. Which is the part that won't fit.