Permanent relationship loss against notables of villages you've raided

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Simple enough, if the player raids a village, their relationship with its notables is capped at a lower value, eg. the first raid would reduce max relations with each notable to 98. It could get exponentially more severe with subsequent raids/hostile actions.

If you sack the absolute **** of a village for years, the surviving population aren't going to forget, and wouldn't necessarily be happy with their elders offering up troops and such just because the player decided to start doing them a bunch of favours.
Heirs would inherit some of this
I agree. The relationship system right now is a bit shallow. Did you murder a lord's father? -100 relation. Oh, did you vote for this clan to get this castle? +100 (raised to 0) relation...all is forgiven! Oh did you vote for this clan again for this other fief? Who cares that you murdered my father!?

I think "disposition" is misnamed as "relationship". Likewise, we need 2 different sliders, one for relationship and one for disposition.

It should be disposition that changes based on action. Once disposition goes above 100, you gain a +1 relationship level (like from acquaintance to friend) and start disposition to 0. Similarly if you raid a village, disposition should go to -100 and you lose a -1 relationship level.

Disposition levels should decay with time and normalize to 0.
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