Joke thread

[Tarrantmw]

A group of blond woman are in a bar, they are all ordering shots, and jumping up in down in excited chanting "51 days 51 days!"
The bar tender pulls one of the girls aside:

Bartender: "Whats all the excitement about?"

Blond: "You know those puzzle boxes that say 2 to 4 years?"

Bartender: "Well yea, I a suppose"

Blond: "Well, we did it in just 51 days!"

 

[Untitled.]

Classical.

 

[Ares]

This one needs to be read in a Brummie accent.

Noddy Holder's off to a Slade reunion. Looking through his wardrobe, he realises that not only has he thrown out all his old togs, he can't even remember what he used to wear. So off he goes to his local charity shop to pick up some new stuff.

'Mornen skip' says he, 'I'm looken fer sum noo clobber fer a Slade reunion, but i've forgotten what I used ter wear.'
'Well,' says the shop keeper, 'Yaouw used ter wear those big loon pants din ya?'
'Oh arr!' says Noddy 'I'll yav sum of them!'
'An' yaouw wore a tank top an' platform shoes too, din ya?'
'Arr I did! i'll tek them too! noo, was the'er anythen else?'
The shop keeper thinks for a moment and exclaims 'Aha! what abart a kipper tie?''
Noddy looks delighted and says 'Luvlye! milk an' three sugass ployz.'

 

[FrisianDude]

Though I have no idea how a Brummie accent sounds, that was kind of funny.

 

[Niv]

A vicar books into a hotel and says to the receptionist “I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."

"No," she says "it's just regular porn...................you sick bastard."

 

[Kazzan]

A blonde jumped out of an airplane without a parachute, and dindt hit the ground. Why?

Spoiler

She didnt find the way down.

 

[cellodude]

A rabbi, a priest, and a Baptist walk into a bar and everyone starts laughing 

 

[LuckyDuckly]

There's two farmers on a farm, and they just got a new animal.
One farmersoutside, and one is inside. The one outside comes in with a big cup of white liquid.
He takes a big drink of it and excitedly says, "I just milked the new cow".
Then the other farmer, with a troubled look on his face says, "we didn't
get a new cow, we got a new bull!"

It was far too obvious where this was going.