Help with Mariage

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I was courting a vlandian noble and passed the 2 diplo checks without fail.

After that I tried to find her father to arrange the marriage but Vlandia declared war and he was on the move constantly and I couldnt find him for some time (I dont use mods os cheats).

So when I finally found him, he did say they were looking to marry another one of his daughters (not the one I waas courting).

Now, when I come back to her she says this: "I am terrible sorry but we are not compatible".

Any idea of what caused this? Poor relation? Someone else is courting her? Vlandia declaring war bugged the marriage proposal?
To finalize the marriage you should have separate option to finalize the engagement with the clan leader. This option will not appear if the person you are trying to marry (passed both sets of checks) is captured, in jail or otherwise despawned. It won't tell you this which is a big problem. If you wait eventually the option should be available when the person is free, but it could be bugged too. If you ask to make an arrangement instead, this is another way to get married but not the same option and they don't always offer who you would want. Maybe asking to make an arrangement cancels out the in progress engagement, not sure, could also just be a bug.
When this option appears, you have to repeat the dialogue option with your partner (three times). But without the chance of losing the possibility of marriage, and only then the consent of the father.
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