Same here, the only time I got that perk and was even able to use it was when I used the character export mod, edit the character to give him that perk (and a bunch of others I was never going to reach) and 60 million gold.
Came halfway of reaching it in a trader run once and suddenly I was too old to get married and I had passed the 10 year timer for the banner quest
It's a way to obtain a castle without having to start a war or join a faction. And play as a distant independent lord, quietly managing his posessions and household.
All the war and fighting and raiding and sieging gets in the way of kingdom management, economy management and bandit hunting.