If the reason was because the lord of the castle hated (rather than disliked) you then I think it's ok. I quite like the idea of a Lord hating someone so much they won't let then into their castle, more so if there are enemy at their heels when they refuse the entry. In any other circumstance though it sounds like a bug.
Well I think it is not possible to not be hated because i've very few settlements and more than the half map and gave almost everything to the others thats like in warband you loose relation if you conquer a settlement when you have some clans in your kingdom
As I told you it is impossible to have a good relation with the other guys if you are ruler so I would have to kill everyone (I killed no one till this day so I won't do that)
There just need to be more numerous and effective ways to increase relations with other clans. There are mods which do this. Hopefully the developers will add more options eventually. There should also be consequences for refusing entry to their feudal overlord.
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