A novel I'm writing, input is welcome :) (wall of text dwells within)

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Segovax

Rated NC 17 for language and naughty bits.

Crossroads.

The sun sat high in the sky over Gladwynn fields.  A common sight in the beautiful heart of the southern empire.  The blue smiling sky shared some of its space with a few clouds, lazily passing by.  A warm breeze carried the scent of barley mixed with corn grain across the rolling greens grasses. The fields as they were known, laid nestled at the foot of the great fence, a palisade-walled city-town known as Thorismud.  The sounds of bleating sheep and beating hammers of the smiths could be heard clearly on this clear sunny day.  Down the gravely dirt road from the massive oaken gates, the barons' wood hummed with bird calls and leaves dancing in the summer winds.  Using the bird calls as cover, evelyn the huntress padded down the shady foot path of the wood, her hands steady, eyes alert, and ears sharp for the sign of her quarry.  She was a small girl, standing no more than five and a half hands from the ground.  Her slender frame moved lithely through the underbrush, carefully avoiding the drying branches of fallen trees.  With care she sidled down a downed log, letting her brown eyes scan the underbrush for any sign of the prey she so cunningly tracked.  As she reached the bottom of the log she took a moment to drink from her water skin, as she drank she kept her ears open for any noise not common to the stillness about her.  Lifting the skin slowly she dowsed her dark brown hair with the cool water, closing her eyes in relief tot he summer heat.  Using the rest to pour down her leather bodice Evelyn cooled her tiny body, keeping her sensed keen to the lowlands before her. 
"hmmmmm, clever..."  Her lips parted in a grin as she spotted her prey, the quills of a South land boar, sticking up among some twigs. 
"Not as clever as me..." She whispered, deftly knocking an arrow into her ornate horn melded bow.  With a slowly steady motion she raised her arms and bow past her small breasts to aim down range; and with a deep breath trained her eyes upon the beast.  The boar, enjoying the shade of the wood, and attempting to rest after being tracked for the greater part of the
morning dozed calmly, unsuspecting to the hunters watchful eye.  Shifting slightly it rolled over onto its side, napping happily in the soft earth.  Evelyn exhaled at the movement, letting her arms lower."damn..."  She cursed quietly, losing her target in the twigs and earth.  Looking around, she spotted a high rock, the famous Granite so common to the area, covered in moss, a perfect over-watch from which to strike at her prey.  having made up her mind,
slowly made her way to the rock and slung her bow onto her back, climbing adeptly up the rock she looked back, making sure the boar hadn't noticed her movements. 
"better..."  Looking down she could see the soft underbelly of the boar.  She grinned again, her rosy lips showing her excitement as she quickly knocked, drew high, and inhaled to aim.  The boar, having heard the knock raised its head in time to see the broad head slam into its belly, and with a loud squeal bucked up, attempting to flee; all to no avail, as Evelyn's second round had already found its mark in the Boars forehead, splitting the skull and piercing the brain.  And with only a
few thrashes and kicks the boar thudded down on its bed. sticks and soft earth kicking up as its death throws waned.  watching
the boar go still, evelyn drew her spear, and dropped down, using the mossy bedding below the rock to cushion her drop. 
"About time I caught you.. you sneaky bastard."  Evelyn spoke out, finally able to voice her frustration as her small figure strode across the ravine toward the fallen animal.  Kneeling she took out her knife, the handle made of ivory from the boar she had hunted for so long and notched with more markings than one could accurately discern, and stuck the curved blade into
its gut.  Smiling at her success she happily gutted and cleaned her kill, ran a hook and rope through to tie, and began to drag it back toward the town, a wide grin on her face.
Away from the silent hunting of the forest, past the rolling hills and back down the gravely dirt road, Gwendolyn. a budding herbalist practiced her art.  Using a mortar and pestle she ground down the leaves of a mint plant to be made into tea.  Looking over she smiled at the small boy holding his belly, his face wincing as the aches came and went.  Looking back to her work she brushed her dark black hair from her soft blue eyes and continued to work the pestle until the leaves were small enough to use. 
"this will help with the aches little one"  Her soft gentle voice again helped to ease his aching pains. 
"thank you miss" his small voice responded with hope.
Gwendolyn rose, her tall figure moving over to a kettle hanging over the fire in the center of her hut.  she took the kettle and knelt down again next to him and put a gentle hand to his forehead.
"you don't have a fever, so the tea will do the trick I would think"  She poured water into the mortar and let it steam. 
"breathe the steam and wait, its hot"  She patted his messy brown hair and sat back, brushing her black hair from her pale skin and watched.  Looking up the boy nodded happily, his grimy face accented with a beautiful smile.  looking down the boy hesitantly raised the bowl to his lips to drink, sipping at the tea slowly. Gwendolyn watched the small boy, her adoration for children, and desire for her own driving her mind to wander, she grinned at his messy hair and tiny hands, barely able to grasp the bowl of tea.  With a calm demeanor she waited for him to finish his tea, wondering if  one day she would be making medicines for her own children, or for their father.  Wandering deeper she thought of the father to be, would he be a farmer? Would he be a passing soldier?  Would he be a gallant noble, with striking features and a swift blade, who rides up to sweep her off her feet?  She continued to muse, smiling and closing her eyes as her family unraveled in her mind.  Suddenly though, Gwendolyn found herself jerked from her musings at the sound of the bowl crashed onto the floor accompanied by the shrill Shrieking of the young child.  Focusing she found the source of his fear, the sound of clashing steel and shouting men erupting just outside her door.
Seven guards circled a man outside of Gwendolyn's door, their blades and helms reflecting the summer sun as they moved about.  Their armor bore the charge of the Thorismud city.  With dust blowing about them the guards launched their assault again, one man charged with his blade held high.  The man being circled, his face hidden by a linen wrap, stepped aside and tripped him, letting the over eager guard fall into the dust.  Scrambling he dove for the blade and rolled, his shaggy blonde hair whipping around.  With a display of trained skill the man turned his defense into offense.  Striking low he drove the blade into an un-readied guards chest, piercing deep and withdrawing the weapon quickly to face his foes.  The guard fell with a

gurgle, thudding hard onto the ground while holding his wound.  Rising, the masked man stepped forward to coup de' grace the other guard he had tripped.  As he did glared at his
enemies, waiting for their next move.  Angered, the guard's attacked again this time in a pair.  Instead of waiting for them the defender charged, driving his blade into the right guards face, and clothes lining the other with his large forearm.  As the two fell tot he ground hard he dashed to grab one of the blades.  On his way to the weapon in sight, he stepped over the living fallen guard and kicked hard into his face to stun him.  The remaining four guards rushed in immediately, finally realizing that this wanted man was no common criminal, but a well trained fighter.  The dual wielding masked warrior rolled and stood, struggling against his foes.  The clash of iron and steel rang out about the village. For a few short minutes the battle raged and wounds were given by both sides.  Suddenly a quarrel, fired from a hidden marksman, struck him in the knee.  The criminal fell forward and dropped a sword to catch his fall, only to look up and see a sap careen into his face.  Darkness took his mind, and the guards tied his hands, hitching him behind a horse to drag him away.  Watching the spectacle from the forests edge, evelyn, her brown eyes fascinated, remained hidden.  She watched as the single man adeptly felled three guards before being overwhelmed.  Impressed she brushed her hair back and grinned, slightly disappointed that she didn't meet him before the guards got to him first.  Sighing she continued on, watching the man being dragged behind the horses, and into the city.
"What a waste"  She said while looking up into the sky, hoisting the rope tied to her kill.  The sun shone down hot that day, causing her to sweat heavily.  Stopping for a moment to re-douse her gear and hair, evelyn looked around, happy to be back near her home at the woods edge, and even more happy at her days success.  She took a deep breath into her nose, and let the barley and wheat scent fill her.
"I could use a good lager right about now" She said as she continued on, thinking of the pub.  But, before she could take more than a dozen steps she was asked to stop by a pale, raven haired woman with rosy cheeks and a tall, slender, but curvy figure.
"pardon me miss, but, that man, did you see why they were taking him?"  She asked evelyn quietly.
"No, too bad though, he's got quite the sword arm"  She replied with a slight chuckle.
"why do you ask?"
"well, he seemed to have taken some nasty wounds near the end of that scuffle... I'm sure he's not feeling too well..."  The woman, Gwendolyn, continued on looking toward the gate.
"I'm sure he'll be ok, take a look at the other guys"  Evelyn put her boot toe on the chest of one other guards and gave him a nudge.  With a sigh Gwendolyn went on.
"Well, he must be in pain.  I"m a practicing herbalist, and I consider it my duty to use my trade to comfort the wounded"  Gwendolyn looked back at the little boy with the belly ache before continuing.
"I have a flask with some water containing a powerful painkiller.  Can you bring it to him?  I'll throw in a few coins for your trouble.  And yes, it seems odd to want to help someone neither of us know, but I have a deep connection with things like this..."  Gwendolyn pulled her sleeve up to reveal a terrible scar.
"Nobody helped me with the pain, and I couldn't stomach it, so, now its my duty to never see that happen again, please, will you deliver the flask?"  Gwendolyn asked holding out five coins and a flask filled with the fluid. 
Thinking deeply evelyn let the meat rest against her back side and tapped her chin. 
"throw in three more coins, and let me keep the flask, and I'll go give the poor sap a drink"  She replied, grinning at the thought of having a new flask to put her Ales in.
"deal" Gwendolyn replied, relieved that someone could help her while she stayed with the little boy.  She handed evelyn the  eight coins, the flask, and smiled after her as she left for the gates.
"One boar, eight coins, a new flask.  Not bad miss evelyn, not bad at all"  She mused to herself as she hauled her meat up to her hut.  Placing the boar flank on a rack she sat and looked around, spotting her quarry she picked up a bottle of booze and put the rim to her lips, downing a hearty gulp. 
"Ahhh, Wonderful wonderful wonderful summer day!"  She laughed and stood, unlacing her leather bodice.  Running a hand down her small body she sighed with content before stepping over to a tub of cool water.  Sitting down evelyn put the bottle to her lips again and looked around some more, the smell of leather and oak wood, wood smoke and meat filled her nostrils, making her relax.  Her hut was small, but beloved.  Made out of oak and built up off the ground it was perfect for her, one large bed covered in soft deer hide, herbs and flowers hung from the rafters, and the windows faced sunrise, and sunset over the lake.  She could hear the tinkering of the smith, and water dripping from her small leg as she lifted it from the water to rub a sponge down its side. 
"life is good, life is good"  She said and laid her head back, pulling her hair loose and sighing with joy.  she started to recall the days events: spotting eh boar, tracking it, entering the cool woods, getting the kill, cleaning it, and the return home.  As her mind came to the strange man and the fight on the road she paused. 
"I guess I should bring that flask to him soon..."  She said, while thinking of the fight.  As she thought she smiled and put a hand between her thighs, closing her eyes she recalled those events with a twist, letting her mind wander into a scenario where she was tamed by the man, instead of him putting down guards.  She pictured his large arms, what his mysterious face
looks like, she imagined him laying her down on a bed of moss in her beloved forest and taking her for his own, ravaging her like a beast of wood.  She bit her lip and sighed as her hand massaged and played, the cool water and enticing thoughts bringing her to release after only a short while.  Afterward evelyn languished in the tub for a bit, again sighing with content at the life she adored so much.
"well, I guess I should hold up my end of the bargain..."  Frustratedly Evelyn stood and reached for more mundane traveling clothes, drying her dark hair with a towel she slowly dressed and put on her boots.
"I hope this guy isn't locked up, I'd rather not have to deal with guards"  She thought with a look of disgust on her face, and stepped back out into the sun.  With quick steps she cantered down her stairs and moved down the road, heading into the massive gates of thorismud city.  The white face of the tree god upon the front split as the keepers let her in.  Immediately the sounds of haggling merchants, playing children, mothers and fathers chasing after them, and the day to day hum of the city hit her.  She could smell the roasting meat and tanned ales of the inn she loved so much, and she made a note to herself to go there afterward to spend the few extra coins she made.Evelyn never had an appreciation for the cobble stone streets, and tall refined buildings of the city.  Even the shingled roofs were off putting to the girl who had lived a natural and unrefined life.  She welcomed the sight of horses and chickens meandering about, and scowled, albeit secretly, every time the patrol of guards came nearby.  Working her way through the oceans of taller people she slowly found her way to the guard house posted near the barracks. 
"I'm looking for a man brought in this afternoon.  Dirty blonde hair, tall, big arms, he killed a few guards."  She looked up at the man in front of the door to the guard tower.
"And wots 'e tae ye' lass?"  The guard looked down, his natural, guard like ugliness was complimented by his second chin,and extra girth that prevents his armor from fitting well.  His post at the door was likely a result from his inability to move well enough to patrol.
"I have a delivery for him, a last drink before the chop-block, I"m sure you're aware of the county law regarding last rights..."  Evelyn snapped back at him, her small stature containing a deep fire that didn't tolerate patronization, especially from ugly men.
"Aye tha' Oi ahm" He replied, his labored mouth breathing causing him to speak slowly, further disgusting the small statured woman.
"If ye got sumfin fo' the la' then ye' best be done wif it soon, he's got a nasty surprise waitin' em' in thae' rena' tha' 'e does!"  the obese guard stepped aside and bowed, gesturing her her to enter, his toothy grimy smile made her nearly vomit as he watched her small ass, following her hips as she walked in.  Finally inside evelyn let out a shudder of pure revile. 
"How do men let themselves turn into boar, hell, that beast I shot today was more appealing than that, thing, at the door"  She raved in her mind as she shook off the feeling of his beady eyes following her.  Having regain her composure, she continued in past the tables, still littered with tableware and leftovers from the guards noonday meal, and up to the desk.
"One flask to be delivered to one prisoner please"  She look up, peering over the table top, and up at a more appealing dark haired man, his jaw clenching as he wrote.  Without looking up the man responded.
"wait for the clerk to come back, I'm not going to help you..."  he continued to scrawl on his parchment, his black hair and clean shaven face a welcome sight to the pig of a man outside.
"And why not?!" She snapped reflexively.  Looking up, the man glared, his black eyes cold. 
"because i'm not your dog to be ordered around young lady, nor am I part of this **** holes guard.  You will regard me as Lieutenant commander Adam of the western Shores mercenaries.  I hope that's clear enough for you..."  His glare lingered for a few moments longer before he went back to his writing, his face reflecting off of his shining steel breast plate.  His arms were covered by a looser black garment, lined with red trimming and his hand that was writing was bare, showing tan skin with several scars.  She found the man appealing, but his tone overrode her natural curiosities and angered her already boiling cauldron of a temper. 
"If you won't help me, then you won't stop me, **** so much hassle just to give a guy a drink."  She spat on the floor and kept moving shoving the door open in anger and entered the prison tower.  She looked up at the dank dark stairs and began her climb, peering into the cells to find the man she sought.  The prisoners howled, and leered, and flashed themselves to her as she passed, and her anger rose.  Finally, she reached the top circle of the tower, and found her target tied to a post by chain and shackle.  Walking up to him she looked down.  Sitting she crossed her legs and held out the flask.
"drink this, it will help stop the pain..."  She said with an entirely-emotionless voice.  She watched him for a response, but to no avail.  The prisoner at her feet's hair was caked in mud, dust, and blood from the fight.  His fur attire was torn, revealing cuts, bruises and fair skin.  Despite the obviously lowlander appearance he had markings upon his bare chest, woad paint not common to the lowlanders. Evelyn smiled as she realized that some of her assumptions of him were true, he was well fit, built, and strong. 
  Raising his eyes to meet hers he reached out, a bloody hand taking the flask.  She didn't like the sound of the chains, reminded her of grim times, and she spoke to cut out the noise, while taking off her boots to rub her sore feet,still huffing from the climb.
"You're quite the fighter, those guards didn't do quite well eh?"  She looked at him, trying to say something that would alleviate her nervousness at being back in the tower and some of the pain he must be feeling.  The man didn't respond, but lowered his mask to raise the flask to his lips.  he drank slowly and finished the flask without taking his lips away from it once.  Wiping his goatee he handed it back to her.  Still rubbing her small feet she took the flask and sighed.
"well, im sorry for you, this tower isn't called the spear for no good reason..."  Standing she looked down at him, his face stern and stubborn, only showing vengeance, and anger.  Sighing she spoke to him and turned.
"well, good luck to you... You'll need it."
With those words she began her miserable descent down the steps, the lonely prisoners continuing their jeering as she passed each cell.  The entirely cobble stone tower made her shudder, and she quickened her steps.  As the thoughts of her
imprisonment came to mind she shuddered again and began to descend as quick as she can.  At the bottom she grabbed for the door and swung it open, dashing through in her discomfort she slammed into the dark haired man called Adam. 
"What the?!  Move aside girl!  damn locals" he muttered.  "I go to fill in for some backwater guards man and I can't even open a door without some ***** slamming into me"  With a shove he cast her aside and ascended the steps, his steel armor accenting his well built frame.  His sword quickly was unsheathed and she could hear his voice booming at the jeering and taunting prisoners.
"what an ass!"  She screamed up the stairs as she picked herself up from the floor.  "What the hell is your damage, damned high horse riding, armor toting westerner! Hmph!"  With a huff she started for the door, remembering the pig man outside her rage grew more.  Putting her small hand on the brass door handle she swung it open with a slam.
"Oi yew pretteh..."  The pig guard began to speak through his mouth breathing only to be met with a glare too evil to look at.
"Go back to ******** your pigs you slime-oozing, **** belching, ogre of a man!"  Evelyn screamed up at him glaring with her nose flaring wide.  Storming off with stamping feet she contemplated demanding another sixty gold for the trouble.  As she stormed toward the tavern she overheard a passerby and his consort speaking of a brawl fight between a merc commander and an
enemy of the empire.  She slowed her raging flight and listened in, the sound of a good fight, some leg of lamb and a tankard of cold ale coming to mind, maybe even that dark haired man would be gutted, were he the commander in question.  The couple continued on, the man was a political enemy from the lowlands, the merc captain was to be his executioner.  They talked about
how the lowlander slaughtered a garrison and attempted to assassinate the emperor, they laughed as the spoke about how easily he was fooled into killing a double and the doubles retainer. 
"this sounds good.  If he can kill imperials then he must be able to give a good show.  Plus, I haven't seen a good brawl at the fair grounds in a long time"  Evelyn stopped, forgetting the ass of a man, and the pig of a man.  Continuing to listen she learned more and her interest grew. Before she knew it, she had forgotten her anger, and was heading down the way to
find a seat at the arena.

 
The latter parts were written today while I'm home sick, so run-ons and poor grammar are likely, I hope you enjoyed it as I am continuously adding more.
 
Ill read it tommorow and good luck on finishing it you look like a good apsiring novelist.

@dom I skimmed it looks like medeval times...and people talking to blacksmiths.
 
Domhnall mac Raghnaill said:
Before I read all this, how is it related to PW?

Its a bit of an intro to Segovax.  I haven't played yet, but I'm excited to start.  I'm looking at the community and seeing how my writing is received before I jump in full swing.  PW has a lot of good role-players so I thought that this would be the place for input from the right type of people
 
Herbiazors said:
As long as you stay out of my busines, i'm fine.. Just ignore the screams from any tavern, house. Or slum or shadowed place.. And i think we two won't meet eachother

Um, thank you, I guess.  That's good, that I don't meet you?
 
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