In Bannerlord just like in warband you don't have to start as a noble - I believe the reason you get a family name and crest regardless of choice is because of the story, apparently to make it easier for your siblings to find you (that's the logic behind it). It doesn't actually mean you are truly a noble, if lets say you picked farmer upbringing - the game just kind of skims over the technicalities. Granted at some point you will accumulate enough wealth and prestige and influence to be considered a noble but again the game is not like "Hey congrats you are technically an noble now even though you used to be a farmer".
To address your other point.
A low ranking soldiers life is different from a high-ranking/leaders. You don't choose the battles to fight they do. You don't decide when to fight or where to go they do. In Calradia all soldiers receive standard set of equipment so you should be expected to don and use the equipment befitting your role in the army. (this was not done right in freelancer, you could be an archer yet enter battle without the weapons you are expected to have)
This is certainly restrictive but that's the whole point though, to be a cog in a machine that you don't steer. But I believe it should also allow the player to have unique soldier contextual interactions with other characters and the world at large, this is a something warband freelancer didn't do well.
Since a soldier (the setting) has to follow military conventions (rules) these limitation makes sense, I don't understand why you would want to be treated special.
Until you became a vice commander, then you should get more influence and commanding privileges.
Granted vice-commander is not a role in the warband freelancer but it is a personal idea of mine - allowing the player to be a hybrid between having absolute control of the party and having none whatsoever outwith influence in battles. You should check out my thread if you still don't think its possible (at least in theory) to make freelancer feel more organic, hopefully it would change your mind.
https://forums.taleworlds.com/index.php?threads/bannerlord-2-freelancer-overhaul.394951/
So anyways, my point is - there are things that can be done to give you more freedom, but of course that means that a copy and paste of warband freelancer wont do. I can agree that freelancer needs work, but that in my mind that doesn't mean that the concept should be ignored/scrapped, it needs improvement. I don't want people to give up on it, and allow it to fade into obscurity, because if nobody asks for specifically what could be improved chances are that at best we get a copy/paste.
Since its already established TW is not planning to implement this feature, my hope is that modders who work on the "Bannerlord Freelancer" will not just copy and past the old formula, but rather improve it because there are definite problems with it.
I'm not really sure if I addressed your points satisfactorily, so if not extrapolate them for me so I can address them better.