How to invade Russia?

[Manxie]

Don't do that, you kill 5 than yourself, it's pointless really.

Hmm to invade Russia, now I've made plans for the USA, France, Spain, U.K and China. Russia however... Well I guess I'll start off developing inside communications with Russians and Holiday makers who find Russia ideal for holidays. I'd then start my own branch of a Russian Mafia keep contacts close and the outside far away, I'll get closer and closer to the current ruler and of course Putin, and without myself actually entering Russia I could have phone calls and IM's do the whole thing with Internet being my largest resource of course that means paying for it and possibly paying the men I've "Hired" to do the dirty work. Being tactical is fun. 

So in all and all the Internet is how to invade Russia. The internet and Russians.

 

[Adviser]

Just do what they do in Finland; Send crazy ppls with guns into shopping malls, and fire at random ppl.

He wasn't Finnish by his originins, he also had a grudge towards his ex-girlfriend that made him kill her and her coworkers who also were her friends.

 

[Cyborg Eastern European]

He probably didn't adapt to the climate either.

 

[FrisianDude]

And he was a butt.

 

[The Shadow]

Drop a cigarette in all the oil wells or whatever they have there.  Or drop it in the vodka.  Or both.  Whole country would go up in flames, and then you could just move in.


Seriously, the way to do it is to get their people rebelling.  Fund the communist party, get them back in power.  Slant drill all their oil out. 
With a crappy government, and lousy economy, the Russians will hate their government.

Plan ends there for today because I can't think of any other way to further that.

 

[Piddyx]

I would consider the Mongol invasion successful.  Therefore the way to invade Russia is from the east on a bunch of horses.

 

[Cyborg Eastern European]

However, they got their arses handed to them once Ivan decided to cut the infighting and vodka so I don't think that one would work anymore.

 

[Banastre]

'twas Montgomery that said "Don't bring your land armies to Russia", and his advice has a good point. Napoleon couldn't capture it, and then the Wehrmacht, the most professional and powerful military of WWII, failed miserably in its attempts to capture it. The winter is also on their side.

The main fact is no one - not the US, not the UK, not anyone - could ever conquer Russia. Too large of a land area, too many possible partisan groups, too challenging. Perhaps the only two armies in Russia's history that could've even hoped at defeating Russia were the army of the British Empire and the Mongol hordes.

 

[Otto of Finmark]

I thought the russians somehow wierdly LIKE Putin as their leader? 

 

[Cyborg Eastern European]

What's wrong with Putin?

That said, the Germans liked Hitler too.
And most of Iraq didn't exactly hate Saddam either.
And an even grater majority probably misses him now.

 

[FrisianDude]

Current Germans do not like Hitler. At all. Wherever did you get that ludicrous idea?

 

[Cyborg Eastern European]

They all loved him up until the point bombs started falling all over the Fatherland.

 

[FrisianDude]

Rgg. You should posted "liked" in the first place. Besides that, there was a Resistance against that moustachioed menace even among the Germans. And Austrians.

 

[Cyborg Eastern European]

Austrians aren't even sure of their own nationality.
And Jews don't count.

 

[FrisianDude]

Not only Jews, you retard. Here.

 

[Cyborg Eastern European]

Seems you still lack a sense of humour...

 

[FrisianDude]

Humour in the Sage's guild? Puh-leaze. 

That said, I have one hell of a sense of humour, your jokes just plain suck.

 

[Piddyx]

However, they got their arses handed to them once Ivan decided to cut the infighting and vodka so I don't think that one would work anymore.

They had a good run though.  The Russians had to wait for the Horde to break up and go into decline.

The Mongols tended to leave any country they conquered with a tradition of authoritarian leadership, so they rule Russia today, in spirit, through Vladamir Putin.

Austrians aren't even sure of their own nationality.
And Jews don't count.

Apparently you have never used an accountant.

 

[Kwisatz Haderach]

Neither Putin nor Medvedev have no realy power in RF, because in our country everything **** up, and most of citizens understand that. May be they have some kind of power in UN, but not in theyr own coutry.

tradition of authoritarian leadership

In times of Ivan IV or Jozep Stalin may be, but not in modern times, modern form of rule properly to call... er... I even don't really know how IT can be called .

 

[Almalexia]

Note, to all the people who suggested to just nuke them, I am asking how to INVADE Russia, not how to leave a significant portion of the world's oil fields and agricultural land a shimmering black waste. Thank you for all those who made a bit more valid advice, but I appreciate your guys posting here all the same. Anyways, I figure this thread has served it's purpose. I'll lock it up eventually, when I feel like it. Anyways, toodaloo!