Need Help with finding a Husband

[Sun Tsu]

I know this has been asked before,

but

after investigating a LOT I still don't get it - please help me someone.

So here's the situation:
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I am playing PoP as female D'Shar vassal - Renown 2100

- There are 37 Lords in this Kingdom
- 14 are 'Upstanding' or 'Martial' and will never marry a female player as I understand
- 7 are 'Sadistic' and will never be married by me !
- 12 of the remaining ones are already married

- of the remaining four:
. . . . - three say 'there are other maidens in my heart' and they say that since the beginning
. . . . . . . . (even though I have 34 Relation to 'Ardeshir Khan' e.g.)
. . . . - 'Dion Khan' says 'my heart belongs to Lady Atjahan' (-1 Relation)

- Lords in other Kingdoms say the 'other maidens'-thing or that it cannot be because i am from another Kingdom

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Sooo, what's the way to do it ?

Will the 'other maidens'- guys marry me if i raise relation to 90 or so ?
Will i find one in other Kingdoms when I am Queen ?
Is this all like it's intended to be ?
I read that being female is regarded OP because of marriage advantages (not the reason I did it) - but how can it be so difficult to do then ?
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Edit:

Alright, I have a husband - maybe this will help somebody . . .


What I did was this:

- found my Kingdom
- make Sir Roland (Companion) a vassal
- ask him to marry me asap - before he found some 'other maiden'

now I just have to convince him to get rid of that moustache . . .