King of the Hill

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Primetarget

Primetarget

Recruit
I just had to start this game in this subforum asmy last ongoing game was on a forum that suddenly ceased to exist.

King of the Hill - A forum game

Let's play "King of the Hill"!

Goal:
Be the last man posting in this thread.

"Thou Shall" Rules:

  • You become King of the Hill if you are the last man posting and claiming the title.
  • Your posts must adhere to the ethos of the Taleworld forums and respect it's rules
  • Your posts must include claiming the hill and/or flag as your own OR conceding defeat to the author of the post before you (from now on referred to as "LKOTH" (Late King Of The Hill)
  • You must keep the start of your story in the context set by LKOTH
  • Your posts must include the name of LKOTH
  • Your posts must include your own name and an description (preferably colorful and entertaining) of your removal of the LKOTH
  • Your posts must be written in English
  • Quotes are to be hidden in "spoilers" and only contain segments of an recent posting that made you laugh/smile/become awestruck with the written masterpiece that you stumbled upon

"Thou Cant" Rules:

  • You cannot destroy the flag. It's a handcrafted legendary item by Nothern Lights Sweatshop Inc. (AKA Santa Clauses elves) using the metal of Ridiculouslystrongium. So don't try, it will just hurt you.
  • You cannot destroy the hill. Well, you can but God will just make another one. Also there is no point in claiming the flag if you have no hill to put it on.
  • You cannot be upset when the moderators kill this thread.

Example posts:

Example Post 1
"Primetarget sees Gotomtom standing on a hill looking at a flag. Primetarget rushes Gotomtom with a chainsaw and convinces every last piece of Gotomtom to remove himself from the hill. Primetarget claims the hill for himself and starts to dance while swinging the chainsaw around"

Example Post 2
"I, the mighty Vulkaan, saw a strange man dancing in an improper manner on the top a hill whilst shouting "Primetarget is King!! Primetarget is King!! Primetarget is King!!".

As I found this incredibly annoying I pulled out my iPhone and accessed my "Atomizer" App. With one press of the button Primetarget became dispersed by a fiery storm of charged atoms.

As peace and tranquility returned to the smoldering hill I, the mighty Vulkaan, when up the hill and surveyed my domains"

Example post 3
"i WANTZ THE HILL SO I VAIT FOR VOKLANN TO DIE FROM RADIATION POISIONING. I WIN!!! i BEST!!!!"

Example post 4
"As I am Major of this grenadier regiment it is within my rights to claim this hill for myself. I do believe this to be a simple task... OH MY GAWD!!! WHAT AN INCOMPETENT IDIOT!! He forgot the claim the hill!!! Grenadiers! Defensive positions exterior on that hill!! "Jawohl herr Major!!"  the Major hereby claim this hill as his own"

Post 1, 2 and 4 is acceptable. Post 3 is an epic fail.


And thus ends the explanations. Good luck and have fun!
 
With mighty and self assured strides Primetarget climbs the Hill and plants the Flag on the Hill and with his marvellous singing voice proclaims to the world that "this hill is mine!"
 
Ej suddenly awakes with a start!

''Prime? Is that you? GOOD GOD MAN! HOW ARE YOU! Why, we haven't seen each other since the war! Aye that's it, the great siege of 1663, where we took it to those Yellows like Wind takes it to cocaine. Anyhow, what's all this flag nonsense, can't you see i'm trying to have a peaceful kip here? Now clear off before I take this up with the council!''
 
After being notified by the opera police that something horrible was happening on kings hills nearby, Vulkaan goes to investigate. Upon finding a horrid singer and babbling englishman atop the hill he immediately runs them both through with a bowie knife and claims the hill for himself before feasting on the burgers in his pocket.
 
Passing by with a column of fine men (dressed in blue of course) Lord Deathski G.P.P. Farquar notices Vulkaan stuffing himself with a plethora of fine delicacies of meat and bread.
Without hesitation Lord Farquar orders his men to fix spoons onto their blunderbusses and load them with canister shot.
A quick volley somewhat disintergrates Vulkaan leaving Lord Farquar to plant his flag next to the hill's flag and to order his men to place defences.
 
Ej, still alive even though he was stabbed in the pancreas with a Bowie Knife, crawls towards the Officer in Command of the Blue detachment of soldiers now occupying the hill.

He looks up at Deathski, and says these final words:

''Good show Death, I would have joined the assault but I ordered myself on vacation a few weeks ago.. I'm rather regretting that now... Oh well! Pip pip Lieutenant!''

Ej then raises his hand to his brow and salutes the Blue flag and, with a tear running down his cheek, says out loud:

''You know Death, i'm on the floor dying over here, you could, I don't know, HELP ME YOU FOOL!''
 
Deathski looks down at his capitaine and notices that his blue uniform has turned red he then turns to his men and yells.

"FETCH THE SURGEON"

A man with an bloodied apron and a butchers knife comes through and takes EJ to the medical tent.
 
*Muffled cries from the Medical Tent*

''.... and then I said 'What ho you....''

...

''.... and then I took my pistol and shoved it up his....''

...

''...GOOD LORD! LOOK AT ALL THAT....''
 
Upon the battlefield, only corpses are to be seen... Many a dead man shall haunt this place on this day - Windbusche and his Hoplites simply await for the enemies to starve, charging up the hill, Sarissas gleaming in the sun, only for everyone except for Windbusche himself to be shot, as he pulls out an AK-47, storming the hill with a volley of gunfire.

He singlehandedly charges into the medical tent, killing LOTS of wounded men, and for some reason, feeling like he had just charged up Mount Everest, because killing wounded men is no easy task, I tell you what.

[Hope I'm doing this right. :wink:]
 
Coming out of his tent Lord Farquar looks apon the carngage and drops his monacle.
"MY GOD!" he shouts.
Deathski then rallies whatever is left of his unit and order them to load canister into thier blunderbusses and to fix spoons.
Aranging his men in a staggared double rank he waited until Winds hoplites were meters away and. . .
"FIRST RANK FIRE!" The first row of hoplites are shredded into pieces as the blunderbus cannister shreds through the shields.
"WITHDRAW" The first rank withdraw and reload.
"SECOND RANK FIRE" The next rank of hoplites go down.
"WITHDRAW" "FIRST RANK FIRE" "WITHDRAW" "FIRE" "WITHDRAW"
The process goes on for hours down and around and back up the hill with Deathski wondering how many bloody hoplites does Wind have.
 
Rook The Mighty Heroic Super Deadly Pacifist Homeless Guy emerged from his carboard house, Staring up at the hill he comes across some mad fool on his hill! with some bad quality flag! He thought
'I 'aint havin' none of this!'
So, Rook took out his Hobo Knife http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_6TBTP-EJI and brutally murdered Deathski, then because human tastes better than dog or rat, ate him.
Placing down his own mighty flag! on the flag is written 'Will kill for Food'
 
Due to Deathski's death, his men break off, and Wind's hoplites continue the charge uphill! Only to meet this hobo, "Hello fine sir!" he says as he greets the lad. "Shall we be friends, and hold this hill you and I? Hobo and Hoplites?"

He extends his hand for a handshake.
 
The hand. The Hand, it hovered there in the air taunting him. Goading him. Forcing him to act in the most horrific way. lightning fast, Rook responded to the hand shake with a piece of broken glass directly to the throat of Windbusche simultaenously tearing out his spinal columm to use as some form of primitive club. To deal with the threat of Hoplites who stood there looking bemusedly at the pile of flesh that once was their commander he suddenly took out his great war horn and rallied to him a leigon of the homeless and starved. He let out a cry of 'Blarghurghglurr' and the battle begun.

Wave upon wave of ragged and flithy unarmed men broke upon the Holpite wall of spears. However the tramps are a cunning sort, they began to pick up the arms of the slaughtered Blue line. The innumerable musket fire and cannibalism of the homless eventually broke and swarmed over the remaining hoplites.

the Hill was once again Rooks. He ordered his brethen to construct barricades from the dead in preparation for the next aberrant assault. 
 
several hobos begin to smell somethin' somethin' good. They smell.... cheese... starch... triangles... DORITOS! Their lips begin to quiver, their maws begin to froth, their very blood boil.
They reach into their raggedy jackets and remove their foul implements. broken bottles, frying pans, rustly spanners etc.
they pounce upon Ej777 tearing at his flesh with the rage of... someone that hasn't eaten in a while and happens to be insane and wants Doritos.
within seconds they stand over the mangled corpse of Ej777, clawing at his yummy snack
 
Ej casts a voddoo spell on Deathski, instantly reviving him, and screams:

''Quick Death, we must escape!''

Ej and Death then mount several nearby horses, and ride into the distance, never to be seen again (or will they?).
 
Several months later, Deathski arrives back on the scene with:
A new platoon of men,
A phalanx of hoplites stolen off of Wind,
THE GRAND DALEK BATTLE FLEET (you need to say it like a dalek)
A loudspeaker system with a recording of Fredricksons singing on it.

Deathski takes out his spyglass and observes Rook's hobo camp on the hill. He set up the loudspeaker system and played the recording of Fredrickson 'singing', more like screeching, which deafens most of the hobos on the hill. With all the disorientation going on Deathski orders his men and the hoplites up the hill with most hobos being killed on the spot with very little resistance, exept for Rook. Rook was holding back the bluecoat and hoplite army with his acidic like piss so Deathski signals THE GRAND DALEK BATTLE FLEET to attack but even the daleks couldn't get past the tramp's piss. Deathski noticed that it was up to him now to sort it all out, Deathski sneaks up behind Rook and cuts his **** and balls off with his castration spoon. Rook screamed out in agony and ran off into the trees and so at last the battle was over and the hill was covered in tramps, bluecoats, burning shacks, daleks, and Rooks testicles, with a heavy sigh of relief Deathski plants his flag back onto the hill and salutes.
 
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