Flash-Fiction Contest

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Original Sin v2.0
story by Pharaoh X Llandy. Picture, not.

jQbOk.jpg


Adam yawned, lifted his arms out to the sides of his body and felt the pull of his muscles in a pleasant stretch. The sun’s heat warmed him and draped a veil of sleepiness over his mind. He resisted the sandman’s lure; there would be time for sleep later. Right now, he had a job to do.
As he walked barefoot and unclothed through the garden, he counted the primroses which grew wild beside the river. Fifteen yellow, fifteen blue, fifteen pink, fifteen white and fifteen red. Their hues were mingled together, a colourful carpet through which he strode, smiling to himself at the orderliness of the flowers. Perfect. He’d grown them from seed, nurtured them through shoot, and now he enjoyed the way they danced in the breeze around him.
Overhead, a flock of bluebirds went cartwheeling by, their calls a beautiful chattering song. Adam smiled at that, too. They made such lovely music; all of the birds did, and at times he wished he was a bird, so that he could sing aloud his joy of being alive.
When he reached the grove of cherry trees, he stopped to pluck a few fruits from the lower branches. He took only the ripest of the cherries, dropping them into his wicker basket as he dreamt of how wonderful and sweet they’d taste after dinner. On second thought, he took a few apricots, too; he liked to slice them and leave them out to dry, then snack on them as he performed his daily rounds in the garden.
After he’d finished with the fruit groves, he made his way to the centre of the garden where two magnificent trees stood side by side. The tree on the left, the tree of life and death, bore beautiful fruit which shimmered pearlescent silver and gold beneath the light of the moon and the sun respectively. It was God’s most treasured possession, and knowing that God trusted him to be a caretaker of this tree—of the whole garden—made Adam feel warm inside.
He counted the fruits, as he did every day. Habit, really. Nothing would eat the fruit; the animals knew better, and Adam and his beloved had been warned against it by God himself.
With all fifteen fruits accounted for, he turned his gaze to the second tree, the tree of knowledge of good and evil. The fruits on this one were half red and half green, their colours luxuriously vibrant even though they didn’t shimmer in the light.
Confusion tugged Adam’s brows down into a frown which deepend as he counted and re-counted the fruits. Fourteen. He must have miscounted. He began again, counting them one by one.
By his third recount he was feeling something unpleasant in his stomach. It squirmed and writhed like a knot of coldness burrowing into him. It was something he had never felt before, but he thought it might be worry.
One last time he ran around the tree, counting as he went, panic starting to creep into his mind. Fourteen! There were only fourteen fruits. One was missing! But where could it have gone? Perhaps... perhaps one had become overripe, and dropped from the branch and rolled away? That was the way of things. That was why the bird, and the animals, and Adam, took the ripest fruits from the trees. Maybe that had happened with the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Maybe a fruit, untouched by any living thing, had fallen and been carried away by the river, or blown away by the wind. If that was the case, then Adam had to track it down and bring it back before God discovered it missing and became angry! The thought of God’s anger made Adam’s knees shake with fear.
Home was a structure woven from living wicker beneath the overhanging branches of a willow tree, and Adam raced there as fast as his legs could take him. He needed help. Two pairs of eyes saw more than one. He would enlist the help of his beloved in finding the missing fruit.
He reached his home, threw open the wicker door, and stared in disbelief at the figure reclining on the cushions, the missing fruit poised upon the long, slender-fingered hand, proudly and unashamedly on display. His first thought was, You found the missing fruit! But when he saw the look in his beloved’s eyes, he knew the fruit hadn’t fallen by accident. In horror, he recoiled.
“Looking for this?” came the response, accompanied by a throaty chuckle.
“You can’t have that! God said we’re not allowed it!”
“And I’m fed up of God telling us what we can and can’t have.”
“Terrible things will happen if you eat of that fruit,” Adam warned.
“If it was so terrible, why would God grow it in the first place?”
It was a good point, he had to admit. He’d often wondered what the forbidden fruit tasted like. Would it be sweet, like an apricot? Tart, like an underripe apple? Fresh, like a strawberry? More than once he’d considered taking a bite, but fear of God’s anger had caused him to put the idea aside.
“When God finds out, he’ll be very angry,” he offered lamely.
“God won’t find out.” A second fruit was brought out from beneath the cushion. It looked exactly the same, but when Adam reached out to touch it, he found it was carved from wood. Still, hanging from the tree, it would appear identical to the others...
“Well...” Fear and desire warred within him. His resolve teetered. Didn’t he deserve some reward, some small treat, for all the hard work he did in the garden? “Perhaps just one bite. Just to taste it.”
The corner of his beloved’s lips curled up into a seductive smile, and the fruit was held out towards Adam.
“After you,” Evan grinned.


980 words, plus jacob's "picture is worth a thousand." Not my picture.
 
Round 20 is now officially closed, with the deadline having expired yesterday. The voting thread is up, and can be found here.

Voting shall be open for three weeks, i.e. until the 12th of March 2017, 15:02 GMT. This should suffice for anyone interested.

As usual, reviews are welcome and strongly recommended. Where's the fun in writing if we don't get the readers' comments afterwards?
 
Unfortunately, this is out of my hands. I already had to contact Llandy once to fix something in the poll (apparently, when you tick "show results only after poll expires", and you try editing the poll, you can't select the same option again), but this time around there doesn't even appear to be an option for extending the duration. Perhaps elevated privileges include one, but I wouldn't know.

Will you perhaps have time to vote only? Reviews aren't necessary per se, and you could always post them later on if you so desire...
 
Oh, well. I will post reviews later and will not vote then. I am at the airport and have tried to read Jacob's piece, but I cannot focus at all because passengers to Porto are really loud and obnoxious and overall unpleasant; even if most of them is just browsing their phones.
 
Round 20 has ended. Victorious emerges jacobhinds, whose knowledge ought be least forbidden. I hereby break the taboo and allow him to figuratively spill the beans! May these secrets, revealed upon the light, grant us a new topic for round 21, and may they do it sooner rather than later...
 
NICE! Now let's produce something equally nice in the form of entries. :razz:


The new deadline for entry submissions shall be the 31st of May 2017, 23:59 GMT. This should be plenty of time for everyone interested to enter.


BenKenobi said:
With all due respect to the original thread maker, I am all for abolishing the winner-cannot-attend-the-next-round rule.
Weeell, we've not been having the strict 7-day deadlines since forever, and that rule does make winning the least desirable thing that could happen to a motivated participant (not that it matters at all), so we could do that.

1 new reply every time I click "post"
Since support for dropping this specific rule seems to be unanimous, this rule shan't apply during the voting for round 21. NOW GET WRITING, DAMMIT!
 
Also, kinda heretical question - since we are pushing a time limit super far (Juna), shouldn't we also kinda increase the word limit? I know it would technically cease to be Flash, but it would enable the stories to be a little more full.
 
[abbr=Would've included a link to the "that's heresy" quote from "The Golden Compass", but can't find it on youtube]No.[/abbr]

I can pull the deadline closer in if you like. :razz: I was going for end-of-May because I was thinking some standardisation might be nice to have. Two months for submissions, one month for voting, four times a year, and we're left with half a March extra to include. I think we should try it out at least one or two times and see if it helps get everything a little more... consistent.
 
Hey, I don't see anyone else saying "hey, don't worry about it, I'll totally keep spamming this thread with posts and try and prevent it from dying".
Honestly though, I just want this to be a thing. It wasn't a thing for way too long.

Fancy the modified deadline more?
I do too - MORE STUFF. Besides, nobody said the brilliant three-month plan needs to be aligned within a year.
 
~1000 words is a good limit, anything above that and you veer into novel/multi-act territory which van quickly balloon out of control. I guess 1500 would be a little more forgiving for those of us whose prolixity is superfluously grandiloquent, but I think 1000 is a good way of curbing the bloat and ensuring nice trim single-part stories.
 
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