Re: AAR - Desmondes | Chapter 16 posted

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Hey,
I was bored last night and started reading my AAr from the start... and I was shocked  :shock:, I was shocked with number of mistakes and too-much-gameplay-informations I made.  :mad:
So I decided, before continuing this story, that I will rework my previous chapters, and switch it in more narrative form..
 
Thane_of_Dhirim said:
Hey,
I was bored last night and started reading my AAr from the start... and I was shocked  :shock:, I was shocked with number of mistakes and too-much-gameplay-informations I made.  :mad:
So I decided, before continuing this story, that I will rework my previous chapters, and switch it in more narrative form..

I've also read it few times, and I must admit that there are much differences between first and latest chapters...
 
Bruce  Almighty said:
I've also read it few times, and I must admit that there are much differences between first and latest chapters...

Yes, I know  :???:, the first 5 chapters are awful, and then I improved storyline a little..
I will work on that, soon.
 
Thane_of_Dhirim said:
Bruce  Almighty said:
I've also read it few times, and I must admit that there are much differences between first and latest chapters...

Yes, I know  :???:, the first 5 chapters are awful, and then I improved storyline a little..
I will work on that, soon.

Work on your new chapter, when you have time to edit previous one, then you have time to write new one as well :grin:
 
Chapter 15 : Alliance is formed
24 August 1257


Dear Diary,


I know I wrote just few days ago, but you are only one whom I can tell my thoughts without any fear. However, last time I wrote you, I told you we will go to Haringoth castle. So it was, we rode to that infamous fortification, positioned south of Praven, standing there for almost 500 years. Godric Haringoth was the builder of that fortress, and also the grand commander of Empire's cavarly. He built it as a second stronghold of Haringoths, because his older brother, Pius Haringoth IV., suceeded Kelredan castle, their primary stronghold ( built by Kelred of Haringoth, during First Nordian invasion, somwhere around 450. )...       
After passing the woods that surrounds the castle, I left my warriors in front of high walls and walked into courtyard. After following the cobbled path, passing two olive trees, I climbed the stairs and faced the castle guard.

- " Who are you, and what do you want? "
he asked coldly, and I saw his hand on the handle of the sword. He was one of Haringoth's elite knights, prepared for battle in every situation. 
Already knowing the procedure of entering the castle, I reached for the sword in order to handle my weapons to him, but he fastly pulled out his sword and pointed at my neck.
- " Your lord is waiting for me, I need no trouble." I  quickly responded, giving my weapons to him and entering the castle.

Inside I saw a large group of men in knight armour sitting at the long wooden table, listening to Count Haringoth, who was standing behind other table and talking to them something about 'conquest upon south'. When he saw me, he said  " The meeting is over. ", all the knights stood up at his words.

I was about to approach him, but the guard told me not to, and blocked my way to the table by his spear. I was allowed to enter when all of them left. I spotted that all of them were armed with swords, so it was obvious that they were people of Haringoth's trust, because this was the first time for me to see someone armed ( except the guards), into the lords hall.

I approached and knelt down in front of him, giving him the sizable purse, full of denars ( which I collect form taxes of Ibiran, his fief).
- " Well done. Now, up, and here is your next assignment - you will train six of my squires, they are good men, but they lack in practise. As you are warrior of renown, you would show them some of your moves. " - he said and turned around.
I was about to leave. - " And Desmondes, didn't you forget your prize? " He talked to me in cold voice and threw a smaller purse with denars. I caught it and gave him a confused look, I did not knew that he would pay me for my service. - " Now leave, I have other things to do. "

* * * * *

I was sitting in the Red Lion, accompanied by my closest warriors. The others were sitting around the bigger table, having dinner. That whole day we spent on one glade in Large forest, northeast of Haringoth castle, where the training ground for Swadian recruits is. There I and my experienced warriors - Bold and Nizar, showed those squires how to handle a sword. They were really quick learners, probably the best young warriors of Swadia. They were barely 17, but all muscular and tough.

Next morning I walked around the marketplace with Bold, the rest of crew were sleeping in tavern. We were searching for local armourer. The sun was barely out, so the streets were empty, all the way to marketplace. But there was a lot of people, bargaining for lower prices, buying and selling goods... When we finally found his shop, I asked him to show me some of his helmets. After I ( finally) decided to buy a helmet with neckground, he tried to fool me and to squeeze a lot of money from me.
- " Here you go, sir. And I am telling you, this is the helmet of the finest made, you will not find better craftsman nowhere from north of desert to.. " he started with his story- telling.

- " How much? " I asked.

- " 5000 denars, sir. And this is only because I like you, sir. " he responded quickly, with I-want-your-money look onto his face. I looked at Bold, who was standing behind, leaning on the door frame. He looked back at me with his yellow eyes, I saw he also spotted that look onto merchants face. - " Bold, shut the door. "  I said.
Bold was now looking at me curiously, like he was judging what I shall do next. But he smiled and nodded seamlessly when I winked at him. Now I turned back at merchant, who was looking really confused. I drawn my sword slowly, hearing the sound of shuted doors behind me. 

- " You are arrested in the name of His Majesty, and now we will confiscate your shop... " I said, pointing my sword at him.

- " But, but.. " he was shocked, but except of trying to say something in his defence, he tried to escape.

- " And you will be banished from Praven forever, and not allowed to possess any land in Swadia. "
Bold said, now pointing his sabre at mercant's chest.

- " You fools! You don't have evidences, so I did nothing. "
he said, looking at me with insane look onto his face.

- " Evidence, you say. Your former employee, Marnid, is now working for The Crown. He told us that you are thief, you stole money from innocent people of Swadia, asking high prices for armour that you smuggled from Uxkhal." I answered, taking helmet and walking out of door.
Namely, last night in Red Lion, I asked my warriors if someone knows some armourer where I could buy a helmet, and Marnid responded to me to go here. He worked in this armory six years ago, and that merchant taught him the art of trading. He also advised not to buy anything above 3000 denars, because that merchant, Grobellous, is foxy bastard, who is just looking for a profit.   
" Expect Marnid later this day, he will come here to consifcate your property. And do not try to escape, because we are watching your shop. " I heard Bold, before he left the shop. 

We were walking towards Red Lion, laughing all the way to there. We found the rest of our crew there, having breakfast.
" Hey Marnid, take this to Grobellous. " I said, throwing a purse, with 900 denars in it. " Yes, he is inviting you to tea." Bold said.


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We were riding towards Suno, while Marnid approached to me with his horse and asked, looking confused.
- " Captain, may I ask?  What have you done to that fool? I entered his armory, and he yelled at me that I am traitor, and that I owe him at least to appoint him to talk with a King ." After that his words, me and Bold literally fell out of saddle, laughing.

*

In Suno, I spoke with Guild master, Haturin, who asked us to deliver a cargo of beer in Reyvadin. How I was travelling there, I accepted.
We continued our journey immediately, but when the night fell, we set a camp on the Wammred hill, located north of Swadian village of Tahlberl, laying somwhere on the Swad-Nordian border. The night was warm, but the rain was falling. I drank wine and talked with Bold about our recent adventures, when suddenly Ymira entered my tent.
- " Captain, I'll see you in the morning." Bold said and got up when he saw her. I nodded and he left the tent. While she was walking towards me, she took off her shirt, in that moment the lighting flashed, illuminating her naked body. She was beautiful.

- " Ymira, I want you so bad. " I whispered, with desire in my voice. She approached and sat into my lap. While I was kissing her, she tore my shirt apart. I took her and threw on bed, laying on her...
Next morning I woke up, and saw Ymira sleeping, with her head onto my chest. I kissed her and she smiled in dream. Last night we were one...

Outside the tent, I saw Marnid, along with 3 squires. They were preparing breakfast and packing for journey. Then I saw five riders on the road down the hill, riding towards us. I took my bow and aimed, but then realised that were Nizar and Bold, accompanied with three young squires.
- " My captain, if you allow.. " Nizar said and get down out of saddle while the horse was still moving, showing amazing skill.
- " We went scouting around, suspecting some bandits nearby, and encountered patrol consisting of man-at-arms, led by Grainwaid's younger son, Harold, from Kelredan castle... However, they told me that Swadia formed alliance with Sarranid Sultanate, and that Hakim wants your head, because you helped Akadan and Imirza Noyan to escape, while he ordered Emir Uqais to execute them!"    - Bold said, jumping out of saddle.
I asked them how Hakim knows that, and Nizar told me that someone had recognized me...


2gv3toy.jpg

 
Wow, this chapter was pretty awesome, especially that part with Ymira  :grin:
I'm kidding, best part was when Des went to buy a helmet.. It really was a best part..

When can we expect next chapter?
 
smothdude said:
"Ymira, I want you so bad." I laughed my ass off  :lol:

Hahah :razz: That is just part of a story... If you think you can write better :wink:

Bruce  Almighty said:
Haha, you're not the only one  :grin:

http://forums.taleworlds.com/index.php/topic,262159.msg6421403.html#msg6421403 you please remain silent, hypocrite  :mrgreen:
 
So Thane, have you finished the chapter 16? I've almost finished mine and I must say it's really long... But I won't update my story today, I have to go to my cousin's place -.-, but it will be ready tomorrow..
 
Bruce  Almighty said:
So Thane, have you finished the chapter 16? I've almost finished mine and I must say it's really long... But I won't update my story today, I have to go to my cousin's place -.-, but it will be ready tomorrow..

Unfortunately, I didn't even started  :???: . I was not at home whole day, so..  :neutral:
But I would write it tommorow, I promise.
 
Bruce  Almighty said:
I've just read a remake of 1st chapter, and I must say that it's awesome..

Oh, thank you very much :smile:
As I promised earlier, I decided to remodificate every of the earlier chapters, who were not written very ably.
But I also promised to write a new chapters, so you can expect them every second day :smile:
 
Yeah, that's right... But I cannot call it ''almost new chapter every day''. It's more like ''chapter and half'' :grin: since you just edit previous ones...
 
Can you tell me when to expect new chapter today.. I'm impatient and I'm going to the friend's house to play basketball. I'm coming tonight so I expect new chapter to be done 'till I come home. :smile:
 
Bruce  Almighty said:
Can you tell me when to expect new chapter today.. I'm impatient and I'm going to the friend's house to play basketball. I'm coming tonight so I expect new chapter to be done 'till I come home. :smile:

Of course that it would be done until then :smile:.
You can expect it somewhere around 6 p.m.
 
You must've read my mind.. That's the time when I'm supposed to be at home :grin:
I can't wait then. I hope it will be better than the previous one (and by that I mean to have a bit more comic scenes) :grin:
 
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