Star Trek: Q-reStardate 23157.9, Personal log, Captain Jean-Luc Picard. We're on route to Risa for a bit of a getaway. The crew is really looking forward to some well-deserved rest after successfully negotiating a peace treaty with the worm people of Ridicula VII. Upon retreating to my quarters, however, I discovered a few things to be amiss. There was something in the air, and it certainly wasn't the Bajoran cheese Commander Riker gave me last week, no, it was clear that something was going on. I decided to contact the bridge: "Picard to bridge". No answer. "Picard to Riker". Silence. Now I knew something was wrong, so I decided to rush back to the bridge, when suddenly there was a woosh and in a flash of light, I suddenly found myself transported to the bridge.
I was there alone, no one else to be seen. It was in that moment, that I started to realize what was going on. Annoyed I asked: "Q, is that you?". And speaking of the devil, there he suddenly was again, appearing with a flash of light, as usual, once again appearing in Starfleet uniform, as if to mock everything that was dear to me.
"Mon capitan", he said, while slowly clapping, "I knew I could count on you to once again go beyond the limitations of your feeble minds and connect the dots. How very distinguished of you".
"Stop it, Q", I shouted at him angrily, "I thought we had an agreement that you'd leave us alone once and for all. Where is my crew?"
"Ah, ah, ah, Jean-Luc, always so impatient. You can drop the act, we're amongst ourselves...at least for now, that is. But anyway, don't you worry, I'm a man of my word, but you see...the continuum felt that there were more than a thing amiss in your feeble little human world, and since I'm apparently the specialist for dealing with your petty species, mine was the honor to become....your q-re "
Just when I was ready to explode in his face again, the turbolift door opened and Lt. Commander Data and Captain Benjamin Sisko entered the bridge.
"Ahhh, if it isn't Captain Shouty and the Android. How lovely you could join us", mocked Q.
"Captain", exclaimed Data upon seeing me, "are you alright?"
"Yes, Data, don't worry", I answered, when suddenly Captain Sisko interrupted me:
"I de-mand to know wh-at is going on!"
Suddenly Q transformed in another flash into an old man with a comically huge hearing aid: "Could you project a bit more, I couldn't hear you yet over here at the other end of the galaxy".
I chuckled, but luckily managed to contain my feelings, as Captain Sisko was obviously fuming.
In the meanwhile, Data was checking the computer:
"Captain, it appears there are 8 other life-forms, besides the three of us on board."
"Now now, isn't he a useful little pocket calculator", snarked Q at Data, who - as always - teflon'ed that insult as if his positronic brain hadn't even seen a chip for emotions from a distance.
Before we could continue to interrogate Q any further, he snipped with his finger and suddenly the bridge was filled with 8 other people. Not only were they other Starfleet officers from outside the Enterprise, no, some of them weren't even Starfleet, and some even came from the past.
"Where are we?" asked the one, who was apparently Captain James T. Kirk, legendary captain of the original Enterprise. With him was his science officer, seemingly the legendary Spock: "It appears, that this is the future, sir. Fascinating, indeed."
"What the hell?" shouted Kirk suddenly, when he saw a Klingon in Starfleet uniform. He was about to draw his phaser, but luckily Sisko and I both could hold him back, as we were both familiar with our favorite uptight warrior, the one-and-only Lt. Commander Worf.
"Thanks, but I had the situation under control", said Worf dryly. Starships sure would be a lot less fun without him.
Sisko then recognised another familiar face:
"Odo? You, too? Do you know what is going on here?"
"I wish I knew, but the last thing I remember was me being in my natural fluidic state, when suddenly I found myself forced back together again and on this bridge."
Everybody who knew him, eyed Q, who responded by shrugging his shoulders.
Sisko was less pleased to see Gul Dukat, a former Cardassian military leader, as well, but apparently Gul Dukat had been stripped of his ranks and changed sides after officially accepting his bastard Bajoran daughter. I immediately felt drawn to his Shakespearian persona.
But then there were even more people. Apparently three members of the long lost starship Voyager, were suddenly transported back to the Enterprise, namely their Captain Janeway, their Emergency Medical Hologram, as well as a hot lady in a cat suit that looked a bit...Borg...but hot nonetheless. Very confusing, indeed. At least Janeway seemed to be familiar with Q as well, making sure that she stayed out of touching distance, at least for what its worth with Q.
"Q. I should have known, so tell us why you brought us here", said Janeway in her raspy voice, only omitting the obligatory threat of violence because she knew it wouldn't lead to anything with Q.
"Alright, alright", answered Q annoyedly. "Let's get this over with. So apparently there are some of you, who aren't quite what they pretend to be. No big deal, no? That's what I say. But apparently the continuum thinks these people are a threat to your society if they remain undetected, and - believe it or not - the continuum cares apparently more about humanity than they should. So they offered you this little arena here, and I shall be your judge once again. Find the traitors and eliminate them, and I shall send you all back. Fail, and it will not only be your personal death, but possibly also the end of the human federation. Not that I would miss it, but you might think differently about that."
With that he snapped with his fingers, and left us alone.
Hours passed with us trying to talk things out and get around it, but ultimately we came to the one and only conclusions: that there are traitors, and that it is up to us to find them and root them out....at whatever cost!
And so the great purge began.
Councilor Crassius Curio (Captain James T. Kirk)
Arch3r (Captain Benjamin Sisko) - phasered on day 1
The Doge of Benis (Odo) - solidified during night 1
Marowit (Gul Dukat) – eaten alive by Tribbles on day 2
Xardob (Captain Janeway) – died from lack of narration during night 2
Dago Wolfrider (Captain Jean-Luc Picard) – died from an exploding console on day 3
Lord Brutus (Worf, son of Mogh, a true Klingon warrior with almost as much honour as prune juice) – died from a distinct lack of prune juice during night 3
SootShade (Lore) – 'twas but a twitch that gave him away on day 4
Roccoflipside (Seven of Nine) – assimilated by death during night 4
ALL ROLES POSTED ON PAGE 85
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