The toilet

[Cataphract]

Ok, we live in the 21st century now and i still have to use tweaks in order to not get splashback from the toilet. Are there any special tricks you fellas use except putting paper in there before you excrement?

Its just so crap that in modern society you have to rely on tweaks in order to get a relieving visit to the bathroom, i wonder when the toilet makers cure the splashback.

 

[Voutare]

Squeze off the bomb before it gets to big.

Remember, the bigger the bomb, the bigger the boom.

 

[Stonewall382]

Not true.  If it touches the water, or is very near, it'll calmly go in.  It's precisely when the bomb is small that it falls a great distance and splashes.

 

[Voutare]

It also depends on the surface of the bomb. If it starts swaying to the side, and it falls on it side, it makes a huge explosion, but if you form it nice and stream line, its nice and sleek going into the water.

 

[Volkier]

If you sit slightly further back and bend forward, thus creating an angle of approximately 30degreese from the opening of your anus to the vertical vector, the **** will slowly ooze down the back 'wall' of the toilet removing any splash effect that may otherwise contaminate your ass.

Common problems:
1) Rookies tend to lean too far foreward or sit back too far. This may create a natural barricade made from the toilet seat blocking the exit of the anal passage through which the **** needs to leave the body. Improves with practice.

2) It is easier to start off with simple maneuvering first, therefore I propose that you practice on squatting toilets before moving onto the ones with a seat.

3) Certain foods and too much internal pressure during the exercise, may cause your **** to 'bounce' off the wall. Don't rush or push.. Just concentrate and let the natural force of gravity combined with the smooth flow of your **** being eased out through abdomenal contractions take it's course.

 

[Voutare]

Sometimes it's difficult to make your bomb skid against the back, depending on your toilet. If you have a huge lid, it can be quite difficult.

 

[Volkier]

Takes practice... But trust me, NOTHING is impossible..

 

[Ben Hussey]

**** me but you don't know how much I laughed when I read this topic.

"To us Germans the toilet is a purely boring utilitarian thing, but to you British - it is the basis of an entire culture." must be read in a cheesy German accent, quote from the red baron - Blackadder.

 

[Voutare]

Anyway, I tryed practicing with the 30 degree thing, but whenever I released the bomb, it would catch the air and make a huge splash, so I officially scratch that idea.

I will stick to my small, light bombs.

 

[Volkier]

You need more pressure so that the projectile actually continues to travel at the 30 degree angle.. Too much pressure on the other hand, would cause it to bounce off the wall and hit the water hard.. And you probably where not sitting far enough.. wait - what toilet are you using? Whats the make and the model number?

 

[malenn]

Try the trick with a piece of toilet paper, only one sheath is necessary it will make a cussion so it wont splash. 

 

[Ben Hussey]

You know when you **** marbles? The splash back on them is a sight to be seen, it's like firing a fully automatic rifle into a swimming pool (for those of us that have done that)

 

[Volkier]

Try the trick with a piece of toilet paper, only one sheath is necessary it will make a cussion so it wont splash. 

Are there any special tricks you fellas use except putting paper in there before you excrement?

That method is WAY too simple.....

And it's insulting to the fluids in the toilet bowl, your anus AND the crap that is forced to go through a layer of soggy paper before hitting the clean water after spending HOURS in the depths of your ass..


EDIT: Sorry about posting crap... I'm hyper at the moment in an insanely tormenting panic, since I'm scared that the new version actually MEANT to lower the horses' HP down to insanely miniscule digits....

 

[Jaghatai Khan]

EDIT: Sorry about posting crap... I'm hyper at the moment in an insanely tormenting panic, since I'm scared that the new version actually MEANT to lower the horses' HP down to insanely miniscule digits....

AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

About the splashback. I never seem to get any,maybe it is because I aim near the pool.

This thread is full of ****.

 

[Ingolifs]

You now get experience for killing horses.

j/k

 

[Smoson]

I've noticed that I can take a dump and not piss in a toilet session. I asked my mates who said I was wierd. Is it just me? Am I the only one with superb prostate control? Will Ingo ever stop taunting Volkier? These questions need answering people!!

 

[Ingolifs]

Will Ingo ever stop taunting Volkier?

Maybe...

I remember having an argument with my sister over whether or not one is able to crap without peeing.

 

[Smoson]

Well I'll end it for you, yes you (I) can!

 

[Jaghatai Khan]

You now get experience for killing horses.

j/k

As if it is a compensation. I don't want weak horses. They are a lot more durable than a human body. MORE HP's for horses!

I can likewise not pee when taking a crap.

 

[Smoson]

Good, I'm not a wierdo (not for that anyway).