Telemarketers 2

[Poil]

What's wrong with the classic "put phone next to speakers and put on some german scheiss porn"? Or if you for some strange reason don't have any porn on your computer (yeah, right) you could always let them hear your glorious M&B adventure.

"Would you be interested in saving money on your long distance calls?"
"You better not be a manhunter!"

Perhaps simply grab a second phone and put them mic-to-speaker (think 69) to cause a nice sound. Great if they have a headset. I did that to a friend once, he wasn't too pleased.

 

[Cymro]

I know that one Put the volume right up, mic by the speaker, and...

VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

Result: Headache

 

[leprechaun]

Do a Captain Haddock on them:

Abecedarians
Abominable Snowman
Aborigine
Addle-pated lumps of anthracite
Alcoholic
Anachronisms
Anacoluthon
Antediluvian bulldozer
Anthracite
Anthropithecus
Anthropophagus
Arabesque
Arabian-nightmare
Artichokes
Autocrats
Aztecs
Baboon
Baby-snatcher
Bagpipes
Bandits
Barefaced-liar
Bashibazouks
Bath-tub admiral
Beast
Beetle
Belemnite
Big-head
Bird-brain
Blackamoor
Black-beetle
Blackbird
Blackguards
Body-snatchers
Bonehead
Bootleggers
Borgia
Bougainvillea
Brat
Breathalyser
Brigand
Brontosaurus
Buccaneer
Bully
Cachinnating-cockatoo
Cannibals
Carpathian
Carpathian-bashibazouks
Carpet-sellers
Caterpillars
Centipede
Cercopithecuses
Cheeky
Coconut
Coelacanth
Coleoptera
Corsair
Cowards
Crab-apples
Cro-magnon
Crooks
Cut-throat
Cyclotron
Cyrano
Dictatorial-duck-billed-platypus
Dipsomaniac
Dizzards
Dogs
Donkey
Doryphores
Duck-billed-platypus
Dunderheaded coconuts
Dynamiter
Earthworms
Ectoplasms
Egoists
Ethelreds
Fancy-dress Fatima
Fancy-dress freebooters
Fat-faces
Fat-headed-fire-raisers
Filibusters
Flying saucer
Freshwater-swabs
Fuzzy-wuzzy
Gallows bird
Gallows-fodder
Gangsters
Gibbering ghost
Goat
Goggles
Goosecaps
Great flat-footed grizzly
Guano-gatherer
Guttersnipes
Gyroscope
Harlequin
Heretic
Highwayman
Hijackers
Hooligans
Hydrocarbon
Iconoclast
Ignoramus
Ill-mannered savages
Insolent porcupine
Invertebrate
Jabbernawl
Jackass
Jack-in-a-box
Jack-pudding
Jellied eel
Jellyfish
Jokers
Kleptomaniacs
Ku-Klux-Klan
Land lubbers
Lily-livered bandicoots
Liquorice
Little pest
Logarithm
Lubberly scum
Macrocephalic baboon
Mameluke
Marmot
Megacycle
Megalomaniac
Mineral-water-drinkers
Miserable blundering barbecued blister
Misguided missile
Mister Mule
Molecule of mildew
Monkey
Monster
Morons
Mountebanks
Musical morons
Nanny-goat
Nincompoop
Ninepins
Nitwit
Numskulls
Nyctalops
Odd-toed-ungulate
Old drunkard
Old witch
Orangoutang
Ostrogoth
Pachyrhizus
Paranoiac
Parasite
Patagonian-savages
Phylloxera
Picaroons
Pickled herring
Pirate
Pithecanthropic pickpocket
Pithecanthropuses
Pockmark
Politician
Poltroons
Polygraphs
Polynesian
Profiteers
Psychopath
Puffed-up-Punchinello
Punch-and-Judy-men
Purple jellyfish
Pyrographers
Pyromaniac
Quadrupeds
Rapscallion
Rats
Rattle-trap
Road-hogs
Rogue
Rubbernecks
Ruffian
Ruminants
Savages
Scallywags
Scamp
Scarecrow
Scoundrels
Sea-gherkins
Sea-lice
Shipwrecker
Slave-trader
Slot-machine
Slubberdegullions
Steamrollers
Stool pigeon
Swine
Sycophant
Tartar-twister
Technocrat
Teddy-bear
Terrapins
Terrorists
Thug
Thundering typhoon
Toads
Toffee-noses
Torturer
Traitor
Tramps
Troglodytes
Twister
Vagabonds
Vampire
Vandal
Vegetarian
Vermicelli
Viper
Visigoth
Vivisectionists
Vulture
Weevils
Wildcat
Wreckers
Wretch
Zapotecs

 

[Smoson]

Do a Captain Haddock on them:

If you liked that you'll like this too
THE CAPTAIN HADDOCK INSULT GENERATOR

 

[leprechaun]

It called me a vegetarian...

It's funny 'cause it's true...

 

[Sir Saladin]

yes! John I know exactly what you mean, I get telemarketers calling in Spanish all the time too. And it's like they don't care that you don't speak Spanish! I tell them "I don't speak Spanish" *more Spanish talking* then I tell them "No habla espanol!" and they still keep talking! one of them, some Spanish woman, after I told her that I "no hablo espanol" just like paused, and in the most shocked tone EVER repeated, "NO HABLO ESPANOL???!?!"  Yes *****, believe it! you called ME, I don't NEED to hablo in espanol.

It still didn't beat the one time I got a call from the local PD asking for donations.

"Do you accept fatty foods and the pain of minorities as currency?"


Golden silence.

Woah wait Pav.... YOU have GENITAL WARTS?!

If you're a ****ty telemarketer calling me while i'm taking a big one, genital warts are the least of my problems that i'm going to be sure and tell you about.

The police and fire departments don't have telemarketers, it is just a scam and I don't know how they get away with it. If the police call you again and ask you to buy tickets to a country music festival just jerk him around and ask him for his badge number or if he made detective yet. My favorite experience was with an alleged fireman who yelled at me because I said I don't believe in charity funded fire brigades and he practically screamed "You want people to die in fires!" and I said "Everybody has to die from something, it's better then many kinds of death because most people pass out from the smoke first." He hung up on me. This all happened years ago when I moved into my first apartment. They don't call anymore and it makes me feel lonely.

 

[Sir Prince]

BLAH HAH HAH HAH! Nice ones Cymro and Lep + others. Now I want a telemarketer to call