redworah
Introduction: What I plan on writing is my first novel ever about one of my characters Rose of Avalon. Please be compassionate if you do not like the writing im only beginning but i would love comments/ constructive criticism
Users who are viewing this thread
redworah
Prologue: I Rose of Avalon was born June 28, 1260 near Montgomery, Wales. My father was King Skrowza of Wales and my mother Queen Bloodreaver of Canterbury. I was from when I was born considered Beautiful beyond degree but I also strove to be the kindest and gentlest of women as well this led to me getting the nickname "Aphrodite". I tried to be modest but if you looked at me I was just like the famed goddess of love and beauty. I had beautiful blond hair and small but lovely breasts and i had a slender figure many were attracted to me. But after 18 years of living in a castle i was beginning to bore of court life and I sought love and adventure both of which i would experience quite shortly.
redworah
Chapter 1: The Proposal
"Rose", my mother Queen Bloodreaver had said, "come to eat dinner in the feasting hall with us and hurry please." I was writing in my diary about my love interest prince Krazi of Wales, he was our guest of honor and i was glad he was here. I combed my hair back, changed into my beautiful silk scarlet dress and then went downstairs to the hall where my parents and Krazi were sitting and waiting. "Ah there you are," said my mother we were waiting for you to come. "Krazi has a very important question to ask you" said my father. "Rose, will you marry me and come to wales with me" said krazi. I froze and wondered at our life together and i saw us married, having children, being prosperous, and enjoying the wonder of life together. I then snapped out of my vision and accepted the proposal. My father than said "well it is settled we shall have you married within a week". I was so happy that tears ran down my smooth glossy face and i looked into his brown eyes and handsome face. Krazi was a strong well built man and he was smart as well I was delighted to be married to him.
"Rose", my mother Queen Bloodreaver had said, "come to eat dinner in the feasting hall with us and hurry please." I was writing in my diary about my love interest prince Krazi of Wales, he was our guest of honor and i was glad he was here. I combed my hair back, changed into my beautiful silk scarlet dress and then went downstairs to the hall where my parents and Krazi were sitting and waiting. "Ah there you are," said my mother we were waiting for you to come. "Krazi has a very important question to ask you" said my father. "Rose, will you marry me and come to wales with me" said krazi. I froze and wondered at our life together and i saw us married, having children, being prosperous, and enjoying the wonder of life together. I then snapped out of my vision and accepted the proposal. My father than said "well it is settled we shall have you married within a week". I was so happy that tears ran down my smooth glossy face and i looked into his brown eyes and handsome face. Krazi was a strong well built man and he was smart as well I was delighted to be married to him.
redworah
Chapter 2: The marriage
I was attended on by my lady-in-waiting Fanela and I put the snowy colored wedding dress on. This was one of the most exciting days of my life and no expense was spared for the wedding. I told Fanela " I hope that one day you will be married as well and we could be queens together. Fanela replied" I hope so too but it is hard to find someone these days". "Well, you are beautiful i believe you will find a man and hopefully the man of your dreams". She started to weep but stopped after i comforted her and said "love is a strange but wondrous thing don't cry you will have a happy life as well". I then got ready for the ceremony and I walked down the aisle my father holding my hand saying "Rose, i hope that you stay forever and have an amazing marriage". I replied " I will, I just know I will" and walked hand in hand to Krazi and staring at his lovely face we said our vows and kissed, it was my first and best kiss i would ever have.
I was attended on by my lady-in-waiting Fanela and I put the snowy colored wedding dress on. This was one of the most exciting days of my life and no expense was spared for the wedding. I told Fanela " I hope that one day you will be married as well and we could be queens together. Fanela replied" I hope so too but it is hard to find someone these days". "Well, you are beautiful i believe you will find a man and hopefully the man of your dreams". She started to weep but stopped after i comforted her and said "love is a strange but wondrous thing don't cry you will have a happy life as well". I then got ready for the ceremony and I walked down the aisle my father holding my hand saying "Rose, i hope that you stay forever and have an amazing marriage". I replied " I will, I just know I will" and walked hand in hand to Krazi and staring at his lovely face we said our vows and kissed, it was my first and best kiss i would ever have.
redworah
Chapter 3: The grove of the goddess
I was just married to Krazi and was ecstatic for it, but what i did not know was that Krazi was a devout Pagan and I though not the best Catholic was still a Catholic. However, I followed him into the grove of his goddess. The goddess he worshiped was the goddess of the forest and moon. Krazi wanted me to join him in the ritual and I realized it would be a traitorous thing, but I loved him so much i would do anything to make him happy. We danced and Krazi asked " do you feel you are betraying your religion" I replied "not at all I will serve the goddess just as you do". I then slept with him and it was the first and greatest sexual experience ever. After we laid together i slept and the moon goddess came to me in a dream and said " Rose, you have been chosen by me to be my representative on earth. You will become a demigoddess and will be able to tap amazing power if you are willing to do one thing". I replied "yes, mother goddess I will serve you and i wish to protect your ways and tradition". The goddess then replied" you must protect Avalon from the spread of Catholicism and you must be the perfect incarnation of these virtues Peace, Love, Fertility, and Beauty". I said " I shall, I will be these virtues i will be faithful to my husband and spread life to the world". The goddess left and I awoke with a new cause to preserve theses virtues. I also wondered what my new abilities were and how they would help Avalon.
I was just married to Krazi and was ecstatic for it, but what i did not know was that Krazi was a devout Pagan and I though not the best Catholic was still a Catholic. However, I followed him into the grove of his goddess. The goddess he worshiped was the goddess of the forest and moon. Krazi wanted me to join him in the ritual and I realized it would be a traitorous thing, but I loved him so much i would do anything to make him happy. We danced and Krazi asked " do you feel you are betraying your religion" I replied "not at all I will serve the goddess just as you do". I then slept with him and it was the first and greatest sexual experience ever. After we laid together i slept and the moon goddess came to me in a dream and said " Rose, you have been chosen by me to be my representative on earth. You will become a demigoddess and will be able to tap amazing power if you are willing to do one thing". I replied "yes, mother goddess I will serve you and i wish to protect your ways and tradition". The goddess then replied" you must protect Avalon from the spread of Catholicism and you must be the perfect incarnation of these virtues Peace, Love, Fertility, and Beauty". I said " I shall, I will be these virtues i will be faithful to my husband and spread life to the world". The goddess left and I awoke with a new cause to preserve theses virtues. I also wondered what my new abilities were and how they would help Avalon.
redworah
You dont come till just a little bit later. I have you in the next scene and then later on i have lancelot
Maxikus
Squire
I know you haven't gone far in your story but when I met Rose she was just a conceited little girl who thought she ruled the world. Well I guess there's two sides to every coin.
And couldn't you have made it one big post instead of several? Just a tip for the future.
Keep roleplaying
And couldn't you have made it one big post instead of several? Just a tip for the future.
Keep roleplaying
redworah
Chapter 4:Woman or Goddess
A while after that eventful night I had my first son Edward and he was a good warrior. I also learned to tap my immense power and realized that i had agreed to be as perfect as possible of course we are all sinners even I. I was able to unleash amazing powers and teleport when i willed and be able transform into any creature. These powers would be useful later on in my quest to save the groves of the moon. The goddess was good and i was essentially charged with the same duty as Aphrodite/ Venus and they never killed a man either which makes them all the more powerful/beautiful.With my new found power i do admit to using it for entertaining myself and trying out my powers to see how i would look in different dresses but what woman wouldn't if they had my powers. I am more than a mere lady but I am not some goddess who does not care what other people think I just want to be a loyal and loving wife to Krazi and faithful to the moon goddess.
A while after that eventful night I had my first son Edward and he was a good warrior. I also learned to tap my immense power and realized that i had agreed to be as perfect as possible of course we are all sinners even I. I was able to unleash amazing powers and teleport when i willed and be able transform into any creature. These powers would be useful later on in my quest to save the groves of the moon. The goddess was good and i was essentially charged with the same duty as Aphrodite/ Venus and they never killed a man either which makes them all the more powerful/beautiful.With my new found power i do admit to using it for entertaining myself and trying out my powers to see how i would look in different dresses but what woman wouldn't if they had my powers. I am more than a mere lady but I am not some goddess who does not care what other people think I just want to be a loyal and loving wife to Krazi and faithful to the moon goddess.
redworah
And just as a side note/ reply Rose is half the time considered a evil witch but she is not. She has never killed anyone nor harmed or cursed a soul or wished them harm. She uses her power for the good of the goddess and for humanity in general
redworah
Chapter 5: Krazi's Rose
I was busy sowing my silk and creating dresses for myself and my lady-in-waiting Fanela. I secretly enchanted these dresses with magic and beauty spells I love the idea of looking so beautiful that i am goddess like. I wore a green dress and went to dinner with Krazi. He asked me "You seem different, like more beautiful and strangely i have a connection to you telepathically like you can see my thoughts". I replied " well we have been together for 3 years". Krazi said "How come i never see you very often and why do you have so many secrets, you are always hidden away". He was on to me and i knew i would need to reveal my secret powers. "I- I am a demigoddess, i have immense powers that man cannot imagine". Krazi shook back " what?!, i cant believe this, no you are no witch right?." I said " witches do not use their power for good and pleasure but only to curse and hurt mankind". I then called on the goddess to give me power and beauty. She obliged and I looked indeed like a goddess, Krazi was terrified then attracted and said " My wife is indeed a goddess, i cant believe this you look so intensely amazing and powerful, please Rose call off your power i am indeed terrified and i need time to think this through". I then said "come with me i will bring you to the land of the gods and goddesses". I uttered a few words and a portal appeared to Atlantis the underwater utopia of ancient times. I said before entering the portal "mortal humans cannot enter you will need to be a merman". I then transformed into a mermaid with my beautiful cream colored body being transformed from a woman to a very glorious mermaid and I wore a scarlet bra and a light, shiny, colorful, red tail. Krazi was still shocked and joked " That is the sexiest i have seen you in years". I then uttered a giggle and said "your turn my most wonderful Krazi" and transformed him into a merman with a green tail and he looked strong and proud and wonderful indeed. I am glad I married him he is so kind and understanding to me. We swam off to Atlantis together and i would show him the secret of my epic powers.
I was busy sowing my silk and creating dresses for myself and my lady-in-waiting Fanela. I secretly enchanted these dresses with magic and beauty spells I love the idea of looking so beautiful that i am goddess like. I wore a green dress and went to dinner with Krazi. He asked me "You seem different, like more beautiful and strangely i have a connection to you telepathically like you can see my thoughts". I replied " well we have been together for 3 years". Krazi said "How come i never see you very often and why do you have so many secrets, you are always hidden away". He was on to me and i knew i would need to reveal my secret powers. "I- I am a demigoddess, i have immense powers that man cannot imagine". Krazi shook back " what?!, i cant believe this, no you are no witch right?." I said " witches do not use their power for good and pleasure but only to curse and hurt mankind". I then called on the goddess to give me power and beauty. She obliged and I looked indeed like a goddess, Krazi was terrified then attracted and said " My wife is indeed a goddess, i cant believe this you look so intensely amazing and powerful, please Rose call off your power i am indeed terrified and i need time to think this through". I then said "come with me i will bring you to the land of the gods and goddesses". I uttered a few words and a portal appeared to Atlantis the underwater utopia of ancient times. I said before entering the portal "mortal humans cannot enter you will need to be a merman". I then transformed into a mermaid with my beautiful cream colored body being transformed from a woman to a very glorious mermaid and I wore a scarlet bra and a light, shiny, colorful, red tail. Krazi was still shocked and joked " That is the sexiest i have seen you in years". I then uttered a giggle and said "your turn my most wonderful Krazi" and transformed him into a merman with a green tail and he looked strong and proud and wonderful indeed. I am glad I married him he is so kind and understanding to me. We swam off to Atlantis together and i would show him the secret of my epic powers.
redworah
Chapter 6: Atlantis
Krazi and I swam to Atlantis and were still admiring each other we were the most perfect couple I could imagine. I then went into the magical sanctum and I showed him a necklace that gave the powers i had to a mortal and asked " Will you use magic to serve the goddess and I". Krazi refused stating that he needed to keep his mortality but that if his wife was magical then their sons could be demigods as well and I would keep Krazi alive as long as I was alive and I of course am only semi-mortal. I then said " Edward, is a strong lad but do you think i should reveal i am a demigoddess to him". Krazi said "He is too young to understand right now but eventually perhaps when he is searching for a woman you could intervene to give him handsomeness and fertility". I laughed and said "I do not believe there is a woman that he will marry that is not either too christian or is considered a witch, but if he can find a pagan girl that is wise and kind then I would be glad to help my most wonderful son Edward." We laughed together and then I said "well now you know my secret and you will keep it a secret or you will pay more dearly than you can imagine". Krazi said "yes I will not tell of this to anyone my beloved Rose". I then transformed us back to humans after I teleported us back to Wales.
Krazi and I swam to Atlantis and were still admiring each other we were the most perfect couple I could imagine. I then went into the magical sanctum and I showed him a necklace that gave the powers i had to a mortal and asked " Will you use magic to serve the goddess and I". Krazi refused stating that he needed to keep his mortality but that if his wife was magical then their sons could be demigods as well and I would keep Krazi alive as long as I was alive and I of course am only semi-mortal. I then said " Edward, is a strong lad but do you think i should reveal i am a demigoddess to him". Krazi said "He is too young to understand right now but eventually perhaps when he is searching for a woman you could intervene to give him handsomeness and fertility". I laughed and said "I do not believe there is a woman that he will marry that is not either too christian or is considered a witch, but if he can find a pagan girl that is wise and kind then I would be glad to help my most wonderful son Edward." We laughed together and then I said "well now you know my secret and you will keep it a secret or you will pay more dearly than you can imagine". Krazi said "yes I will not tell of this to anyone my beloved Rose". I then transformed us back to humans after I teleported us back to Wales.
redworah
Ah, i plan on continuing my epic story for many more chapters but how do my readers believe i am doing at storytelling. 1 is worst book ever and 10 is OMG you are the next Tolkien .
.redworah
This is actually very fun and entertaining to write, I did not realize I would like it so much but I am still a noob at the art of novel making. Oh well as long as I am having fun and my readers are entertained
redworah
Chapter 7: The druid
Krazi and I have fallen in love and have had many adventures together but now an outsider knows about my secret power. The druid is named Ceridwen, he looked as of the old Celtic people and he was quite strong for a middle aged wise man. Ceridwen said " You, Rose of Avalon are a traitor to the goddess". I was shocked and replied " what do you mean, I have served the goddess loyally ever since i married Krazi". Ceridwen said "You are a profane thing, you use your powers for your own beauty and romance". I was angry at him and said "the goddess declared me her incarnation of power on earth and said she would give me the power if i protected the virtues of Love, Beauty, Fertility, and Peace." I then said "I am in love with Krazi and I use my beauty for my innocent purpose of attracting the man i love and being as all women should. I am fertile and i did bear a son named Edward and I have never threatened to kill nor harmed anyone in my entire life after i took up a vow of pacifism to show this." Ceridwen then threatened to take my power away and i said "The goddess will defend her own and you shall die by her own hand if you attack or threaten her ordained priestess". Ceridwen then realized the mistake he did and I teleported him to his home and told him never to threaten me again or he would be moonstruck not by me but the goddess within me.
Krazi and I have fallen in love and have had many adventures together but now an outsider knows about my secret power. The druid is named Ceridwen, he looked as of the old Celtic people and he was quite strong for a middle aged wise man. Ceridwen said " You, Rose of Avalon are a traitor to the goddess". I was shocked and replied " what do you mean, I have served the goddess loyally ever since i married Krazi". Ceridwen said "You are a profane thing, you use your powers for your own beauty and romance". I was angry at him and said "the goddess declared me her incarnation of power on earth and said she would give me the power if i protected the virtues of Love, Beauty, Fertility, and Peace." I then said "I am in love with Krazi and I use my beauty for my innocent purpose of attracting the man i love and being as all women should. I am fertile and i did bear a son named Edward and I have never threatened to kill nor harmed anyone in my entire life after i took up a vow of pacifism to show this." Ceridwen then threatened to take my power away and i said "The goddess will defend her own and you shall die by her own hand if you attack or threaten her ordained priestess". Ceridwen then realized the mistake he did and I teleported him to his home and told him never to threaten me again or he would be moonstruck not by me but the goddess within me.
redworah
Chapter 8:Enemies at the gates
I had driven off that druid but now the castle had true enemies, The Saxons
They had besieged the castle and i was tempted to use my power to help fight but Krazi told me to teleport with my son Edward to a safe place and what safer a place then Avalon. I uttered my spell "*the Goddess protects her young and faithful*". We then were in the holy place island of Avalon and i told my son " one day you will fight alongside krazi but for now you will pray alongside me". We prayed and asked for deliverance from the Saxons. Meanwhile, the battle was raging but our welsh long bowmen gave us the victory by firing straight into the Saxons and murdering them. The goddess unleashed her hounds of war and they charged at the Saxons eating them and howling terror straight into their hearts and minds. The goddess was responsible for the great victory that day after the Saxons were massacred and there was a great feast that day when I and Edward returned home for the ritual sacrifice of the swine to the goddess for her support and kindness this day.
I had driven off that druid but now the castle had true enemies, The Saxons
They had besieged the castle and i was tempted to use my power to help fight but Krazi told me to teleport with my son Edward to a safe place and what safer a place then Avalon. I uttered my spell "*the Goddess protects her young and faithful*". We then were in the holy place island of Avalon and i told my son " one day you will fight alongside krazi but for now you will pray alongside me". We prayed and asked for deliverance from the Saxons. Meanwhile, the battle was raging but our welsh long bowmen gave us the victory by firing straight into the Saxons and murdering them. The goddess unleashed her hounds of war and they charged at the Saxons eating them and howling terror straight into their hearts and minds. The goddess was responsible for the great victory that day after the Saxons were massacred and there was a great feast that day when I and Edward returned home for the ritual sacrifice of the swine to the goddess for her support and kindness this day.
