Crazy Eyes
Recruit
You can be sure that I'm always right (on this topic). Like this guy.
In case you didn't know, which I don't blame you for, because for some reason these cocks aren't hyped up about the PC version of Q4, and are excited about the XB360 version (which makes NO SENSE), Q4 is already out for PC. It came out on the 17th. I'm going to write a review for you.
NOTE: IF YOU READ IGN/GAMESPY REVIEWS, FIRST, CUT OFF YOUR HAND FOR BEING A DICKWEED. THEN FORGET ALL THAT YOU READ.
Let's start with the graphics. The graphics are damned good, using an improvement of the Doom 3 engine. Sometimes the game looks similar to D3 because of the lighting, but it's otherwise a completely different game. I play the game on low quality because I only have 512 RAM and a motherboard that runs my CPU too damn slow (I overclocked it, though. No worries), but the game still looks pretty freakin' good in general, especially the level textures and details. Though, lately, I don't know why at all, but when a Berserker uses its attack where it drives its electrical spike in the ground to surge the entire area, there's a bunch of grey-with-white-border squares on top of the electricity. That's my problem, though.
The sounds, you say? God, I wish I could just take my entire TV's sound system, stuff it in my room, and listen to the game. The music is awesome, especially. And when you pick up the Quad Damage, it's announced to the entire server, and the sounds it makes when you fire and stuff... it just sounds... so... crisp, I guess would be a good word. The classic railgun sounds are back, too, and it brings back so many memories to hear that goddamn announcer's voice again. "EXCELLENT. THE ENEMY HAS YOUR FLAG. YOU HAVE THE ENEMY FLAG. IMPRESSIVE." Oh, and let's not forget the renowned: "HOLY ****!"
I actually had that happen to me, someone got a "holy ****" off of me. I finally found out how you get it, it's when you frag the flag carrier when his foot is six tenths of a milimeter away from capturing the flag (not literally, of course...) Back on topic, though, the sound is just as good as Doom 3's. Which was awesome.
Then there's the immersiveness. Quake multiplayer is actually unique for its lack of immersiveness; it's just mindless killing, the most mindless you can get, and it's still awesome, regardless. But, on the singleplayer campaign, they do a really good job. Those Strogg do some REALLY freaky crap, including harnessing the power of the limbless human torso for energy. It will get you saying, "What the hell is wrong with these people?" The voice acting is really good, too. Especially when you get turned into a Strogg (I did not just reveal a goddamn spoiler, calm down, id was babbling about that before the game was even released) you will be wincing a lot, practically feeling the pain...
So, about the story. Q4 finally grabs the relay stick that Q2 has been holding for quite some time to continue the race. In Q2, you're Bitterman, the Captain Badass of the mission. However, whilst you and an army of marines cruise towards the planet Stroggos in small pods, one jackass suddenly shunts you in the freaking side, you blow an engine or something, and you land way off course. Thanks, cowboy, I hope you choke, is probably Bitterman's first thought. Anyway, you end up killing the Macron (big mech walker dude with a BFG on his shoulder 'n stuff), leader of the Strogg, and, thus, saving the day (week? fortnight? month...). Yay. Now you're some other guy, Corporal Matthew Kane, who goes on a mission with his fellow marines (did I mention you are in a drop ship, and thus actually land WITH your good buddies, who help you in the game?) to disable a Strogg communications Nexus-thing with a big EMP bomb which needs to be carried on a truck. While you and the squad are planning some stuff 'n stuff, a MECH WALKER SPIDER THING APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE AND BLOWS EVERYTHING UP. OHMIGOD. With you and a few marines left, you and Tech Strauss have to go find a way to disable the Nexus by other means... I'll leave it at that.
Seems more than your typical crappy shootthefrigginalien FPS? That's because it IS, you turd. Oh, and the Nailgun is REBORN, REBORN I SAY. One more thing, the weapons have mods that the marine techs give you every so often. Which help.
Now the multiplayer. Which is, you guessed it genius, awesome. Imagine Quake 3, except, the plasma gun (which is the hyperblaster in this case) doesn't suck big, fat, elephant balls. There's also a nailgun, and the shotgun really isn't half bad either, especially for taking out scouts in Arena CTF. Oh yeah, that reminds me. They pretty much embedded Quake 3(4?) Team Arena as a gametype, called Arena CTF. Also, this particular fantasy version of Q3 has awesome graphics and sound, of course. The loading times are also really short, and the game doesn't take 20 minutes to quit/boot up or anything like that, even on my semi-decent computer. There is a maximum of 16 players allowed to be hosted on a server, which doesn't bother me at all. You can play a game and have plenty of fun with a 16 player game. Besides, if there were any more players, the world would have too much awesomeness, and explode. Or the game would crash/lag really really bad. Either one would suck.
The Rating That You Will Listen to or I Will Cut Your Man-parts Off (tm):
942.7 (there's no porn, that's why 58.3 points are missing) out of 6 and a half.
Here's a full list of equipment, because the instruction booklet is dog****:
-Blaster (Chargeable, shoots very fast. no mods.)
-Machinegun (assault rifle with a zoom function that turns it into a Halo 2-esque battle rifle. extended clip mod.)
-Shotgun (it's the goddamn shotgun, what more do you want? magazine mod.)
-Hyperblaster (oh yes. imagine the plasma gun from quake 3, only it's about eighty four times better. ricochet mod.)
-Grenade Launcher (I owned with the GL on quake 2, and it's as good as it was in quake 2. no mods.)
-Nailgun (like the machinegun, only with slower, much more powerful projectiles. useful for finishing someone off in multiplayer after you hit them with a railgun slug and they aren't dead. rate of fire and heat seeking mods.)
-Rocket Launcher (see shotgun, except replace the word "shotgun" with "rocket launcher". guided rocket mod.)
-Railgun (do I really need to explain this one, too? it shoots uranium slugs at the speed of freaking light. go figure. uber penetration mod.)
-Lightning Gun (shoots a constant stream of electric goodness. also good for finishing off railgun-stragglers in multiplayer. mod that makes it target more than one enemy.)
-Dark Matter Gun (The purple BFG. No more, no less.)
-Also, note that armor will save you against a railgun slug in multiplayer.
-Okay, I'll just list all the redos of classic maps now:
Over the Edge (Q2DM1)
The Longest Day (formerly known as The Longest Yard) (Q3DM17)
Xaero Gravity (I don't remember the filename, but it is that one from Q3 where it's just 2 platforms, made for CTF, with a bunch of pillars, and there are bouncy pads to big crusher things with BFGs in them? remember? it actually sucks.)
There are a few more, but I don't remember them at this time.
Important: If you aren't a Q3 Veteran who played Tournament all the time, don't start now, or you'll get your ass kicked. I would know.
In case you didn't know, which I don't blame you for, because for some reason these cocks aren't hyped up about the PC version of Q4, and are excited about the XB360 version (which makes NO SENSE), Q4 is already out for PC. It came out on the 17th. I'm going to write a review for you.
NOTE: IF YOU READ IGN/GAMESPY REVIEWS, FIRST, CUT OFF YOUR HAND FOR BEING A DICKWEED. THEN FORGET ALL THAT YOU READ.
Let's start with the graphics. The graphics are damned good, using an improvement of the Doom 3 engine. Sometimes the game looks similar to D3 because of the lighting, but it's otherwise a completely different game. I play the game on low quality because I only have 512 RAM and a motherboard that runs my CPU too damn slow (I overclocked it, though. No worries), but the game still looks pretty freakin' good in general, especially the level textures and details. Though, lately, I don't know why at all, but when a Berserker uses its attack where it drives its electrical spike in the ground to surge the entire area, there's a bunch of grey-with-white-border squares on top of the electricity. That's my problem, though.
The sounds, you say? God, I wish I could just take my entire TV's sound system, stuff it in my room, and listen to the game. The music is awesome, especially. And when you pick up the Quad Damage, it's announced to the entire server, and the sounds it makes when you fire and stuff... it just sounds... so... crisp, I guess would be a good word. The classic railgun sounds are back, too, and it brings back so many memories to hear that goddamn announcer's voice again. "EXCELLENT. THE ENEMY HAS YOUR FLAG. YOU HAVE THE ENEMY FLAG. IMPRESSIVE." Oh, and let's not forget the renowned: "HOLY ****!"
I actually had that happen to me, someone got a "holy ****" off of me. I finally found out how you get it, it's when you frag the flag carrier when his foot is six tenths of a milimeter away from capturing the flag (not literally, of course...) Back on topic, though, the sound is just as good as Doom 3's. Which was awesome.
Then there's the immersiveness. Quake multiplayer is actually unique for its lack of immersiveness; it's just mindless killing, the most mindless you can get, and it's still awesome, regardless. But, on the singleplayer campaign, they do a really good job. Those Strogg do some REALLY freaky crap, including harnessing the power of the limbless human torso for energy. It will get you saying, "What the hell is wrong with these people?" The voice acting is really good, too. Especially when you get turned into a Strogg (I did not just reveal a goddamn spoiler, calm down, id was babbling about that before the game was even released) you will be wincing a lot, practically feeling the pain...
So, about the story. Q4 finally grabs the relay stick that Q2 has been holding for quite some time to continue the race. In Q2, you're Bitterman, the Captain Badass of the mission. However, whilst you and an army of marines cruise towards the planet Stroggos in small pods, one jackass suddenly shunts you in the freaking side, you blow an engine or something, and you land way off course. Thanks, cowboy, I hope you choke, is probably Bitterman's first thought. Anyway, you end up killing the Macron (big mech walker dude with a BFG on his shoulder 'n stuff), leader of the Strogg, and, thus, saving the day (week? fortnight? month...). Yay. Now you're some other guy, Corporal Matthew Kane, who goes on a mission with his fellow marines (did I mention you are in a drop ship, and thus actually land WITH your good buddies, who help you in the game?) to disable a Strogg communications Nexus-thing with a big EMP bomb which needs to be carried on a truck. While you and the squad are planning some stuff 'n stuff, a MECH WALKER SPIDER THING APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE AND BLOWS EVERYTHING UP. OHMIGOD. With you and a few marines left, you and Tech Strauss have to go find a way to disable the Nexus by other means... I'll leave it at that.
Seems more than your typical crappy shootthefrigginalien FPS? That's because it IS, you turd. Oh, and the Nailgun is REBORN, REBORN I SAY. One more thing, the weapons have mods that the marine techs give you every so often. Which help.
Now the multiplayer. Which is, you guessed it genius, awesome. Imagine Quake 3, except, the plasma gun (which is the hyperblaster in this case) doesn't suck big, fat, elephant balls. There's also a nailgun, and the shotgun really isn't half bad either, especially for taking out scouts in Arena CTF. Oh yeah, that reminds me. They pretty much embedded Quake 3(4?) Team Arena as a gametype, called Arena CTF. Also, this particular fantasy version of Q3 has awesome graphics and sound, of course. The loading times are also really short, and the game doesn't take 20 minutes to quit/boot up or anything like that, even on my semi-decent computer. There is a maximum of 16 players allowed to be hosted on a server, which doesn't bother me at all. You can play a game and have plenty of fun with a 16 player game. Besides, if there were any more players, the world would have too much awesomeness, and explode. Or the game would crash/lag really really bad. Either one would suck.
The Rating That You Will Listen to or I Will Cut Your Man-parts Off (tm):
942.7 (there's no porn, that's why 58.3 points are missing) out of 6 and a half.
Here's a full list of equipment, because the instruction booklet is dog****:
-Blaster (Chargeable, shoots very fast. no mods.)
-Machinegun (assault rifle with a zoom function that turns it into a Halo 2-esque battle rifle. extended clip mod.)
-Shotgun (it's the goddamn shotgun, what more do you want? magazine mod.)
-Hyperblaster (oh yes. imagine the plasma gun from quake 3, only it's about eighty four times better. ricochet mod.)
-Grenade Launcher (I owned with the GL on quake 2, and it's as good as it was in quake 2. no mods.)
-Nailgun (like the machinegun, only with slower, much more powerful projectiles. useful for finishing someone off in multiplayer after you hit them with a railgun slug and they aren't dead. rate of fire and heat seeking mods.)
-Rocket Launcher (see shotgun, except replace the word "shotgun" with "rocket launcher". guided rocket mod.)
-Railgun (do I really need to explain this one, too? it shoots uranium slugs at the speed of freaking light. go figure. uber penetration mod.)
-Lightning Gun (shoots a constant stream of electric goodness. also good for finishing off railgun-stragglers in multiplayer. mod that makes it target more than one enemy.)
-Dark Matter Gun (The purple BFG. No more, no less.)
-Also, note that armor will save you against a railgun slug in multiplayer.
-Okay, I'll just list all the redos of classic maps now:
Over the Edge (Q2DM1)
The Longest Day (formerly known as The Longest Yard) (Q3DM17)
Xaero Gravity (I don't remember the filename, but it is that one from Q3 where it's just 2 platforms, made for CTF, with a bunch of pillars, and there are bouncy pads to big crusher things with BFGs in them? remember? it actually sucks.)
There are a few more, but I don't remember them at this time.
Important: If you aren't a Q3 Veteran who played Tournament all the time, don't start now, or you'll get your ass kicked. I would know.
), they aren't idiotic meatsheilds either. No game at this time can match FEAR's AI, but I feel that Q4 really drops the ball here.
)
