Needing your help!

[Earth]

'ello!

I'm in for a simulation of the UN, in which I'll represent Egypt on the IMF. Each person has to hand in a position paper, in which should be explicit their countries' policies towards the comitee's topic, the World Financial Crisis.

Very well, I have made mine and handed in to my teacher. The thing is, I'm from Brazil and the discussion will be solely in English, so will the position paper. My teacher approved of my paper's content, stating, however, that I should show it to an English teacher in order to have potential grammar issues solved. Unable to contact any, I hereby come to you, pals, hoping you can review my text.

Do not stick to the content's quality in itself, but rather in linguistic matters, please.

It goes as :



Arab Republic of Egypt

Position Paper – International Monetary Fund
Dealing With Crisis in IMF


Occupying the northeast corner of the African continent, Egypt is bisected by the highly fertile Nile valley, where most economic activity takes place. The GDP by sector goes as: agriculture (13.4%), industry (37.6%), services (48.9%) (2008 est.), being the main industries textiles, food processing, tourism and chemicals.

Since the early 1990's the has been a Liberal reform in Egypt's economy. There has been a loosening of many price controls, a reduction of subsidies and inflation, cut taxes, and a partial liberalization of trade and investment. Manufacturing became less dominated by the public sector, especially in heavy industries.

Controversially, credit extended to the private sector in Egypt declined significantly in FY2005, due to the non-performing loans extended by the banks to business tycoons and top government officials. As a mean of standing up to the increasing unemployment, aggravated by the World Financial Crisis, lending criteria have been tightened following the passing of Money Laundry Law 80 in 2002 and Banking Law 88 in 2003. Interest rates are no longer the dominant factor in banks' lending decisions. In fact, both the inefficiency and absence of the role of the Central Bank of Egypt in qualitative and quantitative control as well as implementing banking procedures and standards was almost entirely resopnsible for the non-performing loans crisis. Having taken such measures, is is expected that private sector access to credit is improved, generating employment.

Egypt's export goods are mainly crude oil and petroleum products, cotton, textiles, metal products and chemicals, being the main export partners United States 9.7%, Italy 9.5%, Spain 7.6%, Syria 5.5%. The country's main import goods are machinery and equipment, foodstuffs, chemicals, wood products and fuels, being the main import partners United States 11.7%, China 9.7%, Italy 6.4%.

It is noteworthy that Egypt is the U.S.'s largest market for wheat and corn sales, accounting for about 46% of Egypt's needs from imported wheat. Taking into account not only the fact the U.S. was the crisis epicenter but also the soaring food prices, especially for grains, results of the 2008 World Food Crisis, Egypt's government was called to provide more immediate assistance to the population of more than 40% in the "poverty tunnel" and to strike a "new deal" on agriculture policy and reform, which consists mostly of plans to increase the areas planted with wheat. Additionally, while Egypt is a small oil exporter, it is a heavy exporter of gas. There has been a considerable loss of revenue from gas exports.

 

[Lost-Lamb]

It's spelled corm, not corn.

 

[Earth]

It's spelled corm, not corn.

I've failed to spot that.

Thanks anyway, keep it coming!

 

[arbites_augmented]

Weat, not Wheat.

Other than that, it looks good.

 

[Zoltanus]

Maybe this is not the best place to check for corrections

 

[Lyze]

No, they are clearly ****ing with you.
As much as I enjoy it, I simply cannot condone it. Ignore what Alex-Augmented and L.L. said.

This is my day of kindness. Enjoy.

 

[Adorno]

Well written. I find very few flaws, but English is not my native language. See my suggestions below (in blue).
You refer to U.S.A. as U.S. I don't know if that's a common term or sloppy writing 
(I didn't know liberal was spelled with a capital L...)

Arab Republic of Egypt

Position Paper – International Monetary Fund
Dealing With Crisis in IMF


Occupying the northeast corner of the African continent, Egypt is bisected by the highly fertile Nile valley, where most economic activity takes place. The GDP by sector goes as: agriculture (13.4%), industry (37.6%), services (48.9%) (2008 est.), being the main industries textiles, food processing, tourism and chemicals.

Since the early 1990's there has been a Liberal reform in Egypt's economy. There has been a loosening of many price controls, a reduction of subsidies and inflation, cut taxes, and a partial liberalization of trade and investment. Manufacturing became less dominated by the public sector, especially in heavy industries.

Controversially, credit extended to the private sector in Egypt declined significantly in FY2005, due to the non-performing loans extended by the banks to business tycoons and top government officials. As a mean of standing up to the increasing unemployment, aggravated by the World Financial Crisis, lending criteria have been tightened following the passing of Money Laundry Law 80 in 2002 and Banking Law 88 in 2003. Interest rates are no longer the dominant factor in banks' lending decisions. In fact, both the inefficiency and absence of the role of the Central Bank of Egypt in qualitative and quantitative control as well as implementing banking procedures and standards was almost entirely responsible for the non-performing loans crisis. Having taken such measures, it is is expected that private sector access to credit is improved, generating employment.

Egypt's export goods are mainly crude oil and petroleum products, cotton, textiles, metal products and chemicals, being the main export partners United States 9.7%, Italy 9.5%, Spain 7.6%, Syria 5.5%. The country's main import goods are machinery and equipment, foodstuffs, chemicals, wood products and fuels, being the main import partners United States 11.7%, China 9.7%, Italy 6.4%.

It is noteworthy that Egypt is the U.S.'s largest market for wheat and corn sales, accounting for about 46% of Egypt's needs from imported wheat. Taking into account not only the fact that the U.S. was the crisis epicenter but also the soaring food prices, especially for grains, results of the 2008 World Food Crisis, Egypt's government was called to provide more immediate assistance to the population of more than 40% in the "poverty tunnel" and to strike a "new deal" on agriculture policy and reform, which consists mostly of plans to increase the areas planted with wheat. Additionally, while Egypt is a small oil exporter, it is a heavy exporter of gas. There has been a considerable loss of revenue from gas exports.

 

[Lyze]

Well written. I find very few flaws, but English is not my native language. See my suggestions below (in blue).
You refer to U.S.A. as U.S. I don't know if that's a common term or sloppy writing 
(I didn't know liberal was spelled with a capital L...)

Arab Republic of Egypt

Position Paper – International Monetary Fund
Dealing With Crisis in IMF


Occupying the northeast corner of the African continent, Egypt is bisected by the highly fertile Nile valley, where most economic activity takes place. The GDP by sector goes as: agriculture (13.4%), industry (37.6%), services (48.9%) (2008 est.), with textiles, food processing, tourism and chemicals being the main industries textiles, food processing, tourism and chemicals.

Since the early 1990's there has been a Liberal* reform in Egypt's economy. There has been a loosening of many price controls, a reduction of subsidies and inflation, cut taxes tax cuts, and a partial liberalization of trade and investment. Manufacturing became less dominated by the public sector, especially in heavy industries.

Controversially, credit extended to the private sector in Egypt declined significantly in FY2005, due to the non-performing loans extended by the banks to business tycoons and top government officials. As a mean of standing up to the increasing unemployment, aggravated by the World Financial Crisis, lending criteria have been tightened following the passing of Money Laundry Law 80 in 2002 and Banking Law 88 in 2003. Interest rates are no longer the dominant factor in banks' lending decisions. In fact, both the inefficiency and absence of the role of the Central Bank of Egypt in qualitative and quantitative control, as well as implementing banking procedures and standards, was almost entirely responsible for the non-performing loans crisis. Having taken such measures, it is is expected that private sector access to credit is improved, generating employment.

Egypt's export goods are mainly crude oil and petroleum products, cotton, textiles, metal products and chemicals, with being the main export partners being United States 9.7%, Italy 9.5%, Spain 7.6%, Syria 5.5%. The country's main imports goods** are machinery and equipment, foodstuffs, chemicals, wood products and fuels, withbeing the main import partners being United States 11.7%, China 9.7%, Italy 6.4%.

It is noteworthy that Egypt is the U.S.'s largest market for wheat and corn sales, accounting for about 46% of Egypt's needs from imported wheat. Taking into account not only the fact that the U.S. was the crisis epicenter but also the soaring food prices, especially for grains, results of the 2008 World Food Crisis, Egypt's government was called to provide more immediate assistance to the population of more than 40% in the "poverty tunnel" and to strike a "new deal" on agriculture policy and reform, which consists mostly of plans to increase the areas planted with wheat. Additionally, while Egypt is a small oil exporter, it is a heavy exporter of gas. There has been a considerable loss of revenue from gas exports.

I shall make further modifications. My suggestions shall be in red.

*Whether "Liberal" should be capitalized or not depends on the context in which it is used. Do you mean a political movement, as in Liberal parties increasing regulations and Egyptian control over multinational corporations, or a move towards a free-market? If you mean a political move that has changed policy, than capitalize the L - if not, decapitalize.

Another piece of advice would be to express what you mean with "liberal" and "liberalization", as those terms are quite vague and could mean a multitude of things.

** "import goods" is redundant, as it is generally assumed that anything being imported is a "good" or item with value - as such, you only need to use "import" and pluralize it, as there are more than one type of goods coming in to the country.

The last paragraph is a bit rough, but overall it's quite good. You might want to break it down into maybe one or two more sentences, as I was lost in the run-on sentence about half-way through.

 

[Swadius 2.0]

Well written. I find very few flaws, but English is not my native language. See my suggestions below (in blue).
You refer to U.S.A. as U.S. I don't know if that's a common term or sloppy writing 
(I didn't know liberal was spelled with a capital L...)

Arab Republic of Egypt

Position Paper – International Monetary Fund
Dealing With Crisis in IMF


Occupying the northeast corner of the African continent, Egypt is bisected by the highly fertile Nile valley, where most economic activity takes place. The GDP by sector goes as: agriculture (13.4%), industry (37.6%), services (48.9%) (2008 est.), with textiles, food processing, tourism and chemicals being the main industries textiles, food processing, tourism and chemicals.

Since the early 1990's there has been a Liberal* reform in Egypt's economy. There has been a loosening of many price controls, a reduction of subsidies and inflation, cut taxes tax cuts, and a partial liberalization of trade and investment. Manufacturing became less dominated by the public sector, especially in heavy industries.

Controversially, credit extended to the private sector in Egypt declined significantly in FY2005, due to the non-performing loans extended by the banks to business tycoons and top government officials. As a mean of standing up to the increasing unemployment, aggravated by the World Financial Crisis, lending criteria have been tightened following the passing of the Money Laundry Law 80 in 2002 and the Banking Law 88 in 2003. Interest rates are no longer the dominant factor in the banks' lending decisions. In fact, both the inefficiency and absence of the role of the Central Bank of Egypt in qualitative and quantitative control, as well as implementing banking procedures and standards, was almost entirely responsible for the non-performing loans crisis. Having taken such measures, it is is expected that private sector access to credit is improved, generating employment.

Egypt's export goods are mainly crude oil and petroleum products, cotton, textiles, metal products and chemicals, with being the main export partners being United States 9.7%, Italy 9.5%, Spain 7.6%, Syria 5.5%. The country's main imports goods** are machinery and equipment, foodstuffs, chemicals, wood products and fuels, withbeing the main import partners being United States 11.7%, China 9.7%, Italy 6.4%.

It is noteworthy that Egypt is the U.S.'s largest market for wheat and corn sales, accounting for about 46% of Egypt's needs from imported wheat. Taking into account not only the fact that the U.S. was the crisis epicenter but also the soaring food prices, especially for grains, resulted of the 2008 World Food Crisis; Egypt's government was called to provide more immediate assistance to the population of more than 40% in the "poverty tunnel" and to strike a "new deal" on agriculture policy and reform, which consists mostly of plans to increase the areas planted with wheat. Additionally, while Egypt is a small oil exporter, it is a heavy exporter of gas. There has been a considerable loss of revenue from gas exports.

I shall make further modifications. My suggestions shall be in red.

*Whether "Liberal" should be capitalized or not depends on the context in which it is used. Do you mean a political movement, as in Liberal parties increasing regulations and Egyptian control over multinational corporations, or a move towards a free-market? If you mean a political move that has changed policy, than capitalize the L - if not, decapitalize.

Another piece of advice would be to express what you mean with "liberal" and "liberalization", as those terms are quite vague and could mean a multitude of things.

** "import goods" is redundant, as it is generally assumed that anything being imported is a "good" or item with value - as such, you only need to use "import" and pluralize it, as there are more than one type of goods coming in to the country.

The last paragraph is a bit rough, but overall it's quite good. You might want to break it down into maybe one or two more sentences, as I was lost in the run-on sentence about half-way through.

 

[Trooper5445]

As someone who has done Model UN for a bit the standard format for a posistion paper is this:

1st Paragraph: Quick summary of issue and your position

2nd Paragraph: Historical information on the issue

3rd Paragraph: Your position and plan to solve the problem

What conference are you going to?

Normally there is some guide online. Again this is the way they are generally done in the US if you are elsewhere it might be different.

 

[Archonsod]

Arab Republic of Egypt

Position Paper – International Monetary Fund
Dealing With Crisis in IMF


Occupying the northeast corner of the African continent, Egypt is bisected by the highly fertile Nile valley where most economic activity takes place. The GDP by sector is: agriculture (13.4%), industry (37.6%), services (48.9%) (2008 est.), the main industries being textiles, food processing, tourism and chemicals.

Since the early 1990's there has been liberal reform in Egypt's economy. There has been a loosening of many price controls, a reduction of subsidies and inflation, cut taxes, and a partial liberalization of trade and investment. Manufacturing has become less dominated by the public sector, especially in heavy industries.

Controversially, credit extended to the private sector in Egypt declined significantly in FY2005, due to non-performing loans extended by the banks to business tycoons and top government officials. As a means of standing up to the increasing unemployment, aggravated by the World Financial Crisis, lending criteria has been tightened following the passing of Money Laundry Law 80 in 2002 and Banking Law 88 in 2003. Interest rates are no longer the dominant factor in banks' lending decisions. In fact, both the inefficiency and absence of the role of the Central Bank of Egypt in qualitative and quantitative control as well as implementing banking procedures and standards was almost entirely responsible for the non-performing loans crisis. Having taken such measures, is is expected that private sector access to credit is improved, generating employment.

Egypt's export goods are mainly crude oil and petroleum products, cotton, textiles, metal products and chemicals; the main export partners are the United States 9.7%, Italy 9.5%, Spain 7.6% and Syria 5.5%. The country's main import goods are machinery and equipment, foodstuffs, chemicals, wood products and fuels; the main import partners are the United States 11.7%, China 9.7% and Italy 6.4%.

It is noteworthy that Egypt is the U.S.'s largest market for wheat and corn sales, accounting for about 46% of Egypt's needs from imported wheat. Taking into account that the U.S. was the crisis epicenter and also soaring food prices, especially for grains (as a result of the 2008 World Food Crisis) Egypt's government was called to provide more immediate assistance to the 40% of the population in the "poverty tunnel" and to strike a "new deal" on agriculture policy and reform, consisting mainly of plans to increase the areas planted with wheat. Additionally, while Egypt is a small oil exporter, it is a heavy exporter of gas. There has been a considerable loss of revenue from gas exports.

Tidied up some of the tense errors and a couple of rogue punctuation marks, and rewrote some phrases to read better. The highlighted parts are areas you might want to consider rewriting, either because of repetition, redundancy or simply jarring flow:

"There has been" - nothing wrong in and of itself, however the previous sentence also started with "there". To avoid repetition and make it sound a little less like a list you might want to alter it to read "this included" or similar.

""of standing up to" should probably be changed to "of dealing with rising unemployment". Understandable as it is, but the phrase doesn't really make sense in the context.

"In fact ..." Doesn't flow too well and seems a bit mangled. Might be better to rewrite it to simplify the structure :
The inefficiency and absence of the Central Bank of Egypt in qualitative and quantitative control, as well as implementing banking procedures and standards was almost entirely responsible for the non-performing loans crisis. Having taken such measures, it is expected that private sector access to credit will be improved, generating employment.

 

[fisheye]

As a mean ==> As a means

By the way, your English is very very good.

 

[Earth]

I've rewritten it:

Spoiler: For the sake of avoiding a wall of text

Arab Republic of Egypt

Position Paper – International Monetary Fund
Dealing With Crisis in IMF


Occupying the northeast corner of the African continent, Egypt is bisected by the highly fertile Nile valley where most economic activity takes place. The GDP by sector goes as: agriculture (13.4%), industry (37.6%), services (48.9%) (2008 est.), the main industries being textiles, food processing, tourism and chemicals.

Since the early 1990's there has been liberal reform in Egypt's economy, which has included a loosening of many price controls, a reduction of subsidies and inflation, a cut in taxes and a partial liberalization of trade and investment; manufacturing has become less dominated by the public sector, especially in heavy industries.

Controversially, credit extended to the private sector in Egypt declined significantly in FY2005, due to non-performing loans extended by the banks to business tycoons and top government officials. As means of dealing with rising unemployment, aggravated by the World Financial Crisis, lending criteria has been tightened following the passing of the Money Laundry Law 80 in 2002 and the Banking Law 88 in 2003. Interest rates are no longer the dominant factor in banks' lending decisions. The inefficiency and absence of the Central Bank of Egypt in qualitative and quantitative control, as well as in implementing banking procedures and standards was almost entirely responsible for the non-performing loans crisis. Having taken such measures, it is expected that the private sector's access to credit be improved, generating employment.

Egypt's export goods are mainly crude oil and petroleum products, cotton, textiles, metal products and chemicals, with the main export partners being United States 9.7%, Italy 9.5%, Spain 7.6%, Syria 5.5%. The country's main imports are machinery and equipment, foodstuffs, chemicals, wood products and fuels, with the main import partners being United States 11.7%, China 9.7%, Italy 6.4%.

It is noteworthy that Egypt is the U.S.'s largest market for wheat and corn sales, accounting for about 46% of Egypt's needs from imported wheat. The U.S. was the crisis' epicenter and food prices were soaring, especially for grains (as a result of the 2008 World Food Crisis). Consequently, Egypt's government was called to provide more immediate assistance to the 40% of the population in the "poverty tunnel" and to strike a "new deal" on agriculture policy and reform. Such policy consists mainly of plans to increase the areas planted with wheat. Also, while Egypt is a small oil exporter, it is a heavy exporter of gas. There has been a considerable loss of revenue from gas exports.

Maybe this is not the best place to check for corrections

I beg to differ! Apart from some harmless trolls - so harmless I couldn't see through them at fisrt - I've been getting some pretty good feedback here. Moreover, I'd wholeheartedly help anyone who came to the forums seeking help on grammar matters.

Well written. I find very few flaws, but English is not my native language. See my suggestions below (in blue).
You refer to U.S.A. as U.S. I don't know if that's a common term or sloppy writing 
(I didn't know liberal was spelled with a capital L...)

Thanks. I'll keep it U.S., as United Sates is too long and U.S. sounds more suitable than U.S.A.

The last paragraph is a bit rough, but overall it's quite good. You might want to break it down into maybe one or two more sentences, as I was lost in the run-on sentence about half-way through.

That's my main flaw even in my mother tongue; I always tend to make my thoughts flow, which makes my senteces loooong.

As someone who has done Model UN for a bit the standard format for a posistion paper is this:

...

What conference are you going to?

Normally there is some guide online. Again this is the way they are generally done in the US if you are elsewhere it might be different.

One of the main conferences here in Brazil; I'd do something along those lines if I had enough info on Egypt, but it's hard to get any.

His tips

I embraced some of your ideas - with some changes - thanks!

By the way, your English is very very good.

Many thanks!



My sincerest thanks to all of you, my text had plenty of flaws I had overlooked. It is now much neater and overall better to read. Sentences are shorter, things have been put in a clearer way.