''When you're in love do you really think the world will end if the person leaves you?''
-Yes.
I've been together with my woman for 5 years now.
The relationship in itself is blissful, the conditions upon it are (in my opinion) very harsh.
We've decided to get engaged at some point as to show to everyone we believe ourselfs beyond the boyfriend/girlfriend area and again Believed we share a very deep bond on more then a few levels.
Sounds vague and yes it is. I'd like to believe I am a realist, sober and frank about the world.
I also believe that love happens, you cant look for it in a sense. You can quest after it but it will happen when it happens.
Im just an average guy with average looks and somewhat different interests then most perhaps. This all in effect doesnt matter one bit in my experience. Love is just around the corner, but which corner we dont know.
The saying that opposites attract I find.. rather wrong. I mean Woman attract Men and vice versa but personality wise, it would be horrible to adhere to this mantra. If a person that loves solitude mixes with a person that loves to be in crowds and loudness that is going to clash not add to one another.
In my case, I know the woman for 6 months before i ever saw her. We talked gradually more and more untill we spoke for hours at an end. During this we became friends and learned that more and more we shared a multitude of interests, viewpoints and likes/dislikes. In all honesty I can say she is 90% of the same mind of things as I am or the other way around if you like.
In this I dont mean self esteem levels, one of the two can support the other in situations as should be, until Self esteem becomes a none issue between the two of you.
Love as a feeling/experience.
The first time I met her, this was on an airfield, the doors opened and.. Bam, there was something, that kindling. A spark and you had only eyes for one-another. Something, whatever it was or is, Vasopressin or otherwise, something was right. That is how I like to call it. Something felt right and it was mutual. You can just feel it, see, breath it.
Body language I suppose would be the scientific denomination.
She and I dont share our native tongue and both have to communicate in english.
Fortunately this isn't an issue for either of us but the thing is, as with many that spend alot of time together. Romantic or otherwise. You get a language of your own, that you and that/those person/people share. No words in our case, just looks and expressions.
The harsh conditions.
My own relationship I find a very hard one, I would not be in it I didnt believe it was right. If it didn't have a future, if it wasn't so compelling a need. I say that last thing because it becomes a need, you want to spend time with that person, you enjoy sharing experiences with that person etc. Even after being around one another 24/7 for over half a year or more.
A friend of mine couldnt share the same appartment with his girlfriend for more than a week before things start falling apart. He loved her madly, still does I think, she however moved on rather swiftly.
Just to illustrate and I may very well be a madman and otherwise. I can see my fianceé once a month and holidays. We were both students when we started our relationship and we didnt have the financial means to move to the same country. Also university enrollments etc were already a fixed item. Arguments can be made either way but this is what we chose.
We speak daily though Voip, several hours a day, being forced to speak in detail if need be about feelings, experiences and everyone and nothing. Sharing strengthens the bond. We can be direct participants of our daily lifes so we need to speak of them to each-other. A very tough thing to do at times. I can also honestly say that we have never lacked for topics to talk about. Even after doing this for several years.
Damn this is becoming a wall of text, hopefully a useful one.
If it ended.
If she was to leave me or I her I don't know what I would do.
Purpose would be lost to me. We all set goals in life and you change them over time. I know that I can set new goals but it will feel extremely unfulfilling without her being part of it.
I would not call it being addicted even if it resembles it. It brings out the best in you. I am half the man I am now with her then I am without her. I strive to make her proud of me, I endeavour to better myself for the future we want to share, I double my efforts at creating the life that we both wish to live.
Love blinds they say and I believe it part to be true, alot of things that seemed to matter, dont. Alot of things that seemed insane to do suddenly become plausible. Here also one must point out that infatuation, or the feeling of being Inlove, fades. It will and must be replaced with Love, something which I'd like to call a higher level of trust and Harmony. Friendship is one thing and having a buddy with which you share and laugh. Love is something beyond that. Imagine your best friend that never condemns or judges you, that sticks up for you and that knows your secrets. Take that and imagine a layer on top of it, where your emotions, dreams and future are things you share with a person, more than that even for some. That is what I believe is love between two people that form a couple.
Reason is a very important part of this all ofcourse, not blind love.
So, from all this I'd like to deduce:
Inlove grows into love which leads to sharing of lives and building together on a future that you both aspire to.
I would say that the sense of Honour could be a face of Love, Honour is taught in right and wrongs but it has a feeling to it that is hard to explain. Joy is another I think, a kind gesture towards you makes you happy but why, is hard to explain. Love happens and we can ascribe chemical processes to it and they may very well be right as science is usually. However, emotion is still a mystery and so is love aswel for the moment.
Thanks for reading and I hope it adds to the conversation. Sorry for the wall of Text heh.
