Junk mail: anything interesting?

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Pavlov

Grandmaster Knight
I just spent 30 min cleaning out my 'box' (teeheehee) made me a bit curious, who got the most outlandish/interesting/odd/ etc, proposal or offer or whatever in their mailbox?

Share, such are mine

1) apperently there is a man named Jim who wants to have a gay relationship with me. I'll have to ask my girlfriend when she wakes up. I'm rather sure shes going to limit my online time again. :cry:

2) There is an email from "Your mother" who is telling me to buy my dad a new fishing set. I don't have a dad... mom you should know this, you are the one who divorced him. Note to self: tell mom to stop taking so many valiums

3) I have about 5 emails form assorted African millionares who want to share bank accounts with me. My actually considering this because my account currently has -$34 in it. Maybe they can pay some of that off.

Too tired to write more.

Share.
 
Well, people seem rather intent on educating me! I have 3 emails from the University of Phoenix, one from DeVry University, one from Culinary Careers and one from College Scholarships, all offering me AMAZING DEALS GUARANTEED!

I have 2 emails from somebody trying to get me a great deal on a new car, one person offering to remodel my kitchen, one company telling me I'm approved for a Mastercard and two companies offering to help me remove my debts (one of which is "The Christian Way") and clean bad marks from my credit history (I think they're in cahoots with the Mastercard people).

On the subject of Christians I have 2 emails telling me that I too can meet singles with Christian principles (shock horror!), though I suspect aforementioned Christians might be interested in my email for "Free Pizza Delivered TONIGHT!".

Not only do people want to give me pizza, but I also have offers of gifts in the form of 3 different sorts of gift card, an Ipod and Car Attachment, a FREE designer handbag, a free Gateway laptop, an XBOX 360, a lawn tractor, a free Dell PC (it will go well with my new Gateway laptop), and a shopping spree.

I'm worried that some people are a little confused about people they are emailing, since I have received 4 tracking orders for a $300 Visa confirmation, an Ebay offer, an Apple iBook (because I shouldn't be content with merely a Gateway laptop and a Dell) and a Wal-Mart offer, none of which I actually ordered, paid for or bid on.

People in general seem to be under the impression that I am fat, as I am the proud owner of 3 emails from people trying to help me lose weight. I'm so glad people care.

I have 4 "get rich quick" scheme emails, one request to enter a poetry contest with the possibility of winning $10,000, somebody telling me I need to protect my pet from ticks and fleas, somebody trying to get me to buy cigars for Father's day, one person offering me Lower Mortgage Rates and a kind-hearted soul telling me I'm paying too much for car insurance and could I please, you know, stop?

Because somebody who has a combination of all the above is obviously a VERY successful and career-driven person, I also an email trom somebody telling me I Can Be A Cop. Because Homeland Security Is Everybody's Business. Although this does make me wonder about the current state of internal security, when police are actually recruited over the internet instead of going through the usual tests and training.

And, finally, Funcom want me to pay to upgrade my year's free trial of Anarchy Online to "Shadowlands" for a small amount of money, and then a small amount of money every month thereafter until they SUCK THE MONEY FROM MY ACCOUNT LIKE A LEECH SUCKS THE BLOOD FROM A SHEEP. I think that, out of all the kooky scams and offers I've received, this is the one LEAST likely to ever happen.
 
Awww, too bad I see this thread only now... I cleaned my box (teeheehee) already. And the trash was emptied. Too bad. :grin:

I also got those Christian meets (vomit vomit :razz:) and father's day cigars mails though... Some while ago.
 
Heh. Damn evangelists.

Well, I've got a good few emails directing me to an online pharmacy, somebody informing me that "You can now get $327,000 for as little as $617 a month!", somebody telling me that I could win a Jaguar from a casino, Viagra for a dollar, multiple emails saying "Let us save you money", somebody trying to send me an ebook that will "solve unhappy marriages" (I hope they don't mind waiting until I get a wife to make unhappy), a genuine college degree in 2 weeks and multiple emails promising to "enlarge your member." Member of what exactly?
 
lemme see, i got one sayn i could lose 100 pounds in 1 hour......

i got some eamil from some asshat wanting me to become his penpail, damn frenchie.....

got an email from my nieghbor telling me to keep the metallica down....

got an email of funny jokes from someone i dont even know

Thats about it

Oh yea, and find the man/woman of your dreams in just half an hour
 
Kniggit said:
lemme see, i got one sayn i could lose 100 pounds in 1 hour......
Lmao! :lol:


I keep getting christian singles emails as well.
I also get a few from universities, get rich quick schemes and people offering me special deals on all sorts of products. I get pretty much the same emails every day :roll:
 
awww, thanks Lamb :lol:

but i'm still not gay however! I promise, i'm like 90% sure of this! you know despite have bleached hair i'm still pretty sure I like women!

Plus i'm not Christian!
 
Vaerraent said:
Nairagorn said:
Apparently, I need a bigger p3n15, whatever that may be...

Perhaps that is some sort of hardware upgrade?

Likely comes with a software upgrade too.


Best junkmail I've seen, (haven't recived it myself yet, hope I don't get any they're usually annoying) is ASCII ads, so junk filters can't pick up on any black listed word, as there ARE not black listed words in the message, only random characters.
 
I will try to edit this as frequently as I can cause I get the stupidest ones ever.

Subject:

How These M0RM0NS Make MILLI0NS!
Volk wird nur zum zahlen gebraucht!
Hier sind wir Lehrer die einzigen Auslaender
Vorbildliche Aktion
4,8 Mill. Osteuropaeer durch Fischer-Volmer Erlass
Augen auf <- THIS ONE IS FROM STEVE PERRY!

And a few that come from Benny Hinn Missionaries telling me where the tour locations are :???: I gotta say my favorite is STEVE PERRY (see BaseKetball). But why in german? I don't even speak german. Why am I getting GERMAN spam!?!?!? When I Babelfish them, it makes even less sense. Feel free to translate if you'd like.
 
Rando said:
Subject:

How These M0RM0NS Make MILLI0NS!
Volk wird nur zum zahlen gebraucht!
Hier sind wir Lehrer die einzigen Auslaender
Vorbildliche Aktion
4,8 Mill. Osteuropaeer durch Fischer-Volmer Erlass
Augen auf <- THIS ONE IS FROM STEVE PERRY!

Feel free to translate if you'd like.

people are only being used to ... (i'd say pay but I'm not sure)
here, we teachers are the only foreigners
examplary action
4.8million eastern europeans thanks to Fisher-Volmer Erlass open eyes.

that's the literly translation, but that is some crappy german man. I admit my german isn't great (wich is a bad thing seeing how my dad is german) but I know for sure that kidds in kindergarten speak better German then the guy who sent you that email
 
ok, i just got a real funny one

The subject line was

"Tremendous Johnson's HUGE Package offer, the ladies will love you for it"

AHAHAHAHAHAHA omgomg, tremendous johnson :lol:
 
hahaha, I get the penis enlagment ones too. What I do when I get them tho, is foward them to my gf at work, with titles like "OMG YOU TOLD THEM" and "I'm feeling depressed!" then I get back emails like "It was for your own good" and "You SHOULD be feeling depressed"

That *****, I never get any possitive reinforcement. :roll:


Good thing her boss never checks his minions emails.
 
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