Jokes and other assorted atrocities.
- 主题发起人 Delora Filth
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Vraelomon 说:
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Get on up! Uh, yeah! Sex machine! Uh, yeah!
Swissky
Oh boy my sides.Teofish 说:Seeing as I have very strong views regarding the freedom of humour and the importance of not being politically correct I have, in lieu of the discussion in the news thread, dug up some of the absolutely worst jew jokes I could find as a semi-political statement. Do NOT open if you're gonna get pissy about it.
What's the difference between a boy scout and a jew?
A boy scout comes back from his camp.
What's the best way to get a Jewish girls number?
Roll up her sleeve.
What did the Jewish peadophile say to the child?
"Wanna buy some candy?"
How was copper wiring invented?
Two Jews found a penny at the same time.
Why do jews wear Kippahs?
Half the hat, half the price.
What do you call a flying jew?
Smoke.
Jewish kid: Papa can i have 50p?
Dad: 40p?! What do you want 30p for? Fine, here's 20, share it with your brother.
So Hitler and Stalin are sitting at a bar, chatting about their successes and failures. A guy pulls up a stool next to them, sits down and orders a beer.
He leans over, and extends his hand, and says,
"Hey, my name's Phil. How's it going?"
"Vell, I'm Hitler, and dis eez Schtalin. Ve are talking about a great undertaking. Ve are going to kill six million Jews, and a bicycle repairman.."
"Jeez, why a bicycle repairman?"
Hitler turns to Stalin, and smirks -
"Schee Schtalin! I told you no von cares about ze Jews!"
How do you help a jew with ADHD?
Concentration camp.
Why are Jewish men circumcised?
Because Jewish women won't touch anything that isn't at least 20% off.
Why do showerheads have eleven holes?
Jews only have ten fingers.
What's the difference between a jew and a canoe?
A canoe can occasionally tip.
I think the Halocaust is NOT something to joke about! Anne Frankly it's not even funny.
A Swedish electrician walks into a bar and sits close to a bored-looking girl.
He orders a drink and immediately tries to chat her up with puns on drink names, sometimes winding into obscure Swedish etymology. Surprisingly, the girl smiles and listens with interest.
After exhausting his line of puns, he can't believe she's still there and says, "This is the best conversation I ever had." She replies, "Yes, it's been a dream."
He orders a drink and immediately tries to chat her up with puns on drink names, sometimes winding into obscure Swedish etymology. Surprisingly, the girl smiles and listens with interest.
After exhausting his line of puns, he can't believe she's still there and says, "This is the best conversation I ever had." She replies, "Yes, it's been a dream."
I may have posted this one some time ago but since you all have the attention spans of three year olds it'll probably be new to you. 
A newspaper in a small East African city printed an article bemoaning the increasing frequency of lion attacks on humans. They printed advice on how to remain safe if travel in lion-infested areas was necessary.
1. Wear or carry a bell, that way the lions would be aware of your presence and you would not trigger an attack by surprising the lions before they had a chance to move out of the way.
2. Carry pepper spray, sometimes just the sound of the spraying would be enough to dissuade the lion from attacking.
3. Look for signs that lions are in the area, such as droppings. Now the droppings of young lions are very small and may contain bits of fur that were swallowed while rough-housing with their siblings and they usually don't smell; whereas the droppings of adult lions are much larger and usually contain bells and smell like pepper.
A newspaper in a small East African city printed an article bemoaning the increasing frequency of lion attacks on humans. They printed advice on how to remain safe if travel in lion-infested areas was necessary.
1. Wear or carry a bell, that way the lions would be aware of your presence and you would not trigger an attack by surprising the lions before they had a chance to move out of the way.
2. Carry pepper spray, sometimes just the sound of the spraying would be enough to dissuade the lion from attacking.
3. Look for signs that lions are in the area, such as droppings. Now the droppings of young lions are very small and may contain bits of fur that were swallowed while rough-housing with their siblings and they usually don't smell; whereas the droppings of adult lions are much larger and usually contain bells and smell like pepper.
Swissky
A Swedish electrician walks into a bar, sadly the bar is made out of metal and is therefor conductive. He dies by electrocution.MadVader 说:
EDIT : Not enough "Wanna sex?".
That falls in the category of "other assorted atrocities."
Why was the German army upset?
Because they were mocked.
Life is like poker. If you don't have a pair, you need a good hand.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dishwasher.
Dishwasher who?
Dishwasher way I ushed to shpeak before I got my falshe teesh.
Who's there?
Dishwasher.
Dishwasher who?
Dishwasher way I ushed to shpeak before I got my falshe teesh.
Wellenbrecher 说:
Re purposed that comment.
I made up a funny, and it's funny, so I'll share it here in the funny jokes thread.
News reporter: You'll never believe what the idiots are up too now. But moron that after this commercial break.
News reporter: You'll never believe what the idiots are up too now. But moron that after this commercial break.
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