Jokes and other assorted atrocities.

[Kentucky 『 ＨＥＩＧＵＩ 』 James]

A russian peasant and his wife were walking along a dusty country road; a Mongol warrior on a horse stopped at their side and told the peasant he would now proceed to rape his wife; he then added: "But since there is a lot of dust on the ground, you must hold my testicles while I rape your wife, so that they will not get dirty!" Once the Mongol had done the deed and ridden away, the peasant started laughing and jumping with joy. His surprised wife asked: "how can you be jumping with joy when I was just brutally raped in your presence?" The farmer answered: "But I got him! His balls are totally covered with dust!"

This just showed up in my youtube recommendations:

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[crodio]

yup, Zizek was my source for that joke.
The guy is a walking meme, but i find him interesting.

 

[Vraelomon]

I don't understand Algebra. Stop trying to find your x. She just isn't coming back, dude. Quit asking y.

 

[rebelknight]

I don't understand Algebra. Stop trying to find your x. She just isn't coming back, dude. Quit asking y.

 

[SwadianJedi]

What do you call two nuns and a cheerleader?

Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

 

[rebelknight]

See gif above.

 

[Areze]

What do you call two nuns and a cheerleader?

Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

hue

 

[TheFlyingFishy]

Why did Robert and Cersei fight so much, honestly? They didn't even have a legitimate issue.

 

[Lord Brutus]

Why did Robert and Cersei fight so much, honestly? They didn't even have a legitimate issue.

Gag me with a spoon.

 

[Swissky]

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock 'cause Jill's real name is Randy.

 

[El Perro Finlandese]

I heard that there used to be a criminal mime-gang in some town in Ostrobothnia. They did unspeakable things.

 

[Swissky]

The Bothnian Nation will be a reality. Soon, brother, soon.

 

[Delora Filth]

Seeing as I have very strong views regarding the freedom of humour and the importance of not being politically correct I have, in lieu of the discussion in the news thread, dug up some of the absolutely worst jew jokes I could find as a semi-political statement. Do NOT open if you're gonna get pissy about it.

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What's the difference between a boy scout and a jew?
A boy scout comes back from his camp.

What's the best way to get a Jewish girls number?
Roll up her sleeve.

What did the Jewish peadophile say to the child?
"Wanna buy some candy?"

How was copper wiring invented?
Two Jews found a penny at the same time.

Why do jews wear Kippahs?
Half the hat, half the price.

What do you call a flying jew?
Smoke.

Jewish kid: Papa can i have 50p?
Dad: 40p?! What do you want 30p for? Fine, here's 20, share it with your brother.

So Hitler and Stalin are sitting at a bar, chatting about their successes and failures. A guy pulls up a stool next to them, sits down and orders a beer.
He leans over, and extends his hand, and says,
"Hey, my name's Phil. How's it going?"
"Vell, I'm Hitler, and dis eez Schtalin. Ve are talking about a great undertaking. Ve are going to kill six million Jews, and a bicycle repairman.."
"Jeez, why a bicycle repairman?"
Hitler turns to Stalin, and smirks -
"Schee Schtalin! I told you no von cares about ze Jews!"

How do you help a jew with ADHD?
Concentration camp.

Why are Jewish men circumcised?
Because Jewish women won't touch anything that isn't at least 20% off.

Why do showerheads have eleven holes?
Jews only have ten fingers.

What's the difference between a jew and a canoe?
A canoe can occasionally tip.

I think the Halocaust is NOT something to joke about! Anne Frankly it's not even funny.

 

[Jhnking]

You are both the hero we need and deserve right now.

 

[Xardob]

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What's the difference between a boy scout and a jew?
A boy scout comes back from his camp.

What's the best way to get a Jewish girls number?
Roll up her sleeve.

What did the Jewish peadophile say to the child?
"Wanna buy some candy?"

How was copper wiring invented?
Two Jews found a penny at the same time.

Why do jews wear Kippahs?
Half the hat, half the price.

What do you call a flying jew?
Smoke.

Jewish kid: Papa can i have 50p?
Dad: 40p?! What do you want 30p for? Fine, here's 20, share it with your brother.

So Hitler and Stalin are sitting at a bar, chatting about their successes and failures. A guy pulls up a stool next to them, sits down and orders a beer.
He leans over, and extends his hand, and says,
"Hey, my name's Phil. How's it going?"
"Vell, I'm Hitler, and dis eez Schtalin. Ve are talking about a great undertaking. Ve are going to kill six million Jews, and a bicycle repairman.."
"Jeez, why a bicycle repairman?"
Hitler turns to Stalin, and smirks -
"Schee Schtalin! I told you no von cares about ze Jews!"

How do you help a jew with ADHD?
Concentration camp.

Why are Jewish men circumcised?
Because Jewish women won't touch anything that isn't at least 20% off.

Why do showerheads have eleven holes?
Jews only have ten fingers.

What's the difference between a jew and a canoe?
A canoe can occasionally tip.

I think the Halocaust is NOT something to joke about! Anne Frankly it's not even funny.

You forgot one.

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How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagen?
2 in the front, 3 at the back and 6 million in the ashtray.

 

[Delora Filth]

Yeah, I never really thought that one was particularly good. it seriously underestimates just how much ash a human body turns into.

 

[Bluehawk]

Obviously you'd have to take a token sample of each victim and mix them together, to symbolically hold the entire Nation in a single vessel.

 

[IA]

[quote author=Teofish]
Why are Jewish men circumcised?
Because Jewish women won't touch anything that isn't at least 20% off.[/quote]The first time I ever heard that joke was at a Bris; from the Mohel.

 

[Adorno]

The tetraplegic thought something was wrong, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

 

[Delora Filth]