Swissky
I've been lied to! It's been six hours since I arrived in Yorkshire and I've yet to find any attractive females.
Yorkshire pudding(s)
Jokes and other assorted atrocities.
- 主题发起人 Delora Filth
- 开始时间
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That's just plain bad.
Even the jokes about Yorkshire are bad.
so meta
A mother had three daughters and all three of them were married. One day the mother invited all her daughters to bring their husbands and spend the night at her house. When they arrived the mother assigned them three separate rooms next to each other. That night after dinner, the mother went to check on her daughters after they had gone to bed. She walked past her first daughter's room and heard her screaming. Next she walked by her second daughter's room and heard her laughing. Lastly she walked by her third daughter's room and it was completely silent. The next day at the breakfast table the mother asked her first daughter:
"I walked by your room last night, why were you screaming?"
She replied, "But mom you told us that if something hurts we should scream". The mother was satisfied with that answer and turned to the second daughter.
"I also walked by your room last night, why were you laughing?"
The second daughter replied, "But mom you said that if something tickles we should laugh." Again the mother was satisfied and finally asked the third daughter.
"When I walked by you room why was there absolute silence?"
The third daughter replied, "But mom you said to never talk with your mouth full."
"I walked by your room last night, why were you screaming?"
She replied, "But mom you told us that if something hurts we should scream". The mother was satisfied with that answer and turned to the second daughter.
"I also walked by your room last night, why were you laughing?"
The second daughter replied, "But mom you said that if something tickles we should laugh." Again the mother was satisfied and finally asked the third daughter.
"When I walked by you room why was there absolute silence?"
The third daughter replied, "But mom you said to never talk with your mouth full."
Swissky
That made me laugh in a rather perverted way.
Mission Accomplished.
All right one more quick one before I go to bed.
What’s long and hard and full of semen?
What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A submarine.
I have a fear of speed bumps.
I'm slowly getting over it.
- Be careful standing near those trees.
- Why? The sky's clear and there's no chance of lightning.
- Dunno. They just look shady to me.
This is my stepladder.
I never knew my real ladder.
- If you're cold you should go sit in the corner.
- Why?
- It's ninety degrees.
*Reversing the car*
Aaaah, this takes me back.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
Bob finds a suitcase in the woods filled with three raccoons. He calls the local police.
Dispatcher: This is 911, how can I help you?
Bob: Hi, I just found a suitcase filled with raccoons.
Dispatcher: That's awful. Are they moving?
Bob: Nope. That would've explained the suitcase though.
- I'll call you later.
- Don't call me later, call me Randall.
- Are you alright?
- Naaah, I'm half left.
What do you call a man with only a nose and no body?
Nobody nose.
*Bug splatters on the windshield.
- Bet he doesn't have the guts to do that again.
- I think a train's been through here not too long ago.
- How can you tell?
- It left tracks.
Have you heard about that restaurant on the moon?
Great food, but no atmosphere.
- Did you get a haircut?
- No, I got them all cut.
Apparently every 52 seconds someone gets stabbed in London....... Poor bastard.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Look for the fresh prints.
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
- What're you drinking?
- Soy milk.
- Hola milk. Soy Bernardo.
Why do chicken coops only have two doors?
If they had four they'd be chicked sedans.
A duck goes into a chemist and asks for lip balm.
Cashier: Certainly sir. Will you be paying with cash or card?
Duck: Just put it on my bill.
I'm slowly getting over it.
- Be careful standing near those trees.
- Why? The sky's clear and there's no chance of lightning.
- Dunno. They just look shady to me.
This is my stepladder.
I never knew my real ladder.
- If you're cold you should go sit in the corner.
- Why?
- It's ninety degrees.
*Reversing the car*
Aaaah, this takes me back.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
Bob finds a suitcase in the woods filled with three raccoons. He calls the local police.
Dispatcher: This is 911, how can I help you?
Bob: Hi, I just found a suitcase filled with raccoons.
Dispatcher: That's awful. Are they moving?
Bob: Nope. That would've explained the suitcase though.
- I'll call you later.
- Don't call me later, call me Randall.
- Are you alright?
- Naaah, I'm half left.
What do you call a man with only a nose and no body?
Nobody nose.
*Bug splatters on the windshield.
- Bet he doesn't have the guts to do that again.
- I think a train's been through here not too long ago.
- How can you tell?
- It left tracks.
Have you heard about that restaurant on the moon?
Great food, but no atmosphere.
- Did you get a haircut?
- No, I got them all cut.
Apparently every 52 seconds someone gets stabbed in London....... Poor bastard.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Look for the fresh prints.
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
- What're you drinking?
- Soy milk.
- Hola milk. Soy Bernardo.
Why do chicken coops only have two doors?
If they had four they'd be chicked sedans.
A duck goes into a chemist and asks for lip balm.
Cashier: Certainly sir. Will you be paying with cash or card?
Duck: Just put it on my bill.
Swissky
Those made me laugh in disgust. 
Somewhatpro
ninja'dTeofish 说:
Seff had found him a new girlfriend and after a while he began trying to make love to her, but without success. He said, "Damn, girl, you have no boobs and your ***** is too tight."
She said, "Get off my back!"
She said, "Get off my back!"
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