Jokes and other assorted atrocities.

Delora Filth

Do you want to run this ship?
Marquis
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Basically what it says. Post a joke of some kind. Political/ethical correctness not an issue.

This is not the "what made you laugh" or "funny pics" thread. So please refrain from trollface comics and the likes.

I'll start:

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman walk
into a bar.
An air of sectarian hatred and Nationalism
prevented them from enjoying their pint.
 

Delora Filth

Do you want to run this ship?
Marquis
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That's what I get for being bored ****less at work. :neutral:

Why? I am cuddly wuddly. No shame in calling a horse a horse. :grin:
 

cric

Master Knight
M&BWB
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I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
 

Jock

Count
M&BWBWF&SNW
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Cyborg Eastern European said:
Got Jobs.
:lol:

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were standing looking at a prize cow in a field.
The Englishman says "Look at that fine English cow."
The Irishman disagreed, saying "No, it's an Irish cow."
The Scotsman thought for a moment and then clinched the argument. "No, it's a Scottish cow - it's got bagpipes underneath!"


"Ah, Kyla, drinking makes you look so bonnie."
"But Donald, I dinna drink!"
"But I do!"

Three scots and three englishmen are traveling by train to a football match.
At the station, the three englishmen each buy tickets and watch as the three scots buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the three Englanders.
"Watch and you'll see," answers one of the Scotsmen.
They all board the train. The Englishmen take their respective seats but all three scotsmen cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the tolet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The English saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Englishmen decide to copy the Scots on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Scots don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed Englishman. "Watch and you'll see," says one of the Scotsmen. When they board the train the three Scots cram into a toilet and the three Englishmen cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Scots leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Englishmen are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."