as i'm sitting here, working on my maille hauberk, i started to think about battle, im not talkin about the wonderland of M&b, im talkin real bloody, brutal battle. I know, i dunno how, but i know, what it feels like when you gut someone. i know what it feels like to brain someone. I know the shock of your first kill, you have just taken the life of anothjer breathing living creature, and you snuff his life out in a matgter of seconds. but i do not know the unimaginable pain of having a blade sticking out of your back, or an arrow in between the shoulder blades. I dont know how, but i know the heft of a sowrd, i know where the balance point is. I sometimes feel a cold calm come over me when im in trouble. i know what it is like, to be a mad man, slaying everythign for the sick joy of it. It sickens me, it sickens me so bad i feel the need to hurl.
Ive heard many people talk about the afterlife, telling me what they would like to be when they die and are reincarnated. But they never give a thougyht that this might be one of our reincarnations. For some reason i seemed to have left my body completely, and it was not me that was thing, not me now, but i knew it was me. For some reason when i think of that cold calm i fear nothing, but when i return to the present i feel my cowardice, i feel my fear, i see it and i loathe it, even though it has kept me out of trouble so many times, i feel less than a teenager, i dont even know why im typing this, operhaps because i know i will never be able to put it in words again.
Ive heard many people talk about the afterlife, telling me what they would like to be when they die and are reincarnated. But they never give a thougyht that this might be one of our reincarnations. For some reason i seemed to have left my body completely, and it was not me that was thing, not me now, but i knew it was me. For some reason when i think of that cold calm i fear nothing, but when i return to the present i feel my cowardice, i feel my fear, i see it and i loathe it, even though it has kept me out of trouble so many times, i feel less than a teenager, i dont even know why im typing this, operhaps because i know i will never be able to put it in words again.