I think i may have screwed a courtship up.

[JTDC]

So I was at a feast, and I inadvertently talked with Lady Svipul before talking to her father about it--I had permission to talk to someone who was standing next to her, and I was half-paying attention.  After I realize my error, I went and got a bunch of rep for her father (Jarl Gundur, up to 24), and then asked him to for permission to see his daughter.  He responded that he was upset with me for talking to her behind his back, and would not consent to it at all.

Now, her family is large, and I rather like her personality (yeah, doing some RP here).  Is there anything I can do, and this includes editing a text file if I have to, to get him to allow me to visit her?  I've aided him in a couple of sieges, rescued his kinsman from captivity (by breaking his ass out all macho style and kicking the ass of the guards), denounced a lord for him, etc.  So can I do this, or must I elope?

 

[Coy]

AFAIK he will eventually consent, assuming you have good renown and relation.

 

[Zwade]

He'll forget about your impropriety in a couple of days.  Calradia is a very fast paced realm...Marshals get appointed and dishonored in a couple of days...Recruits become killing machine knights and huscarls in a couple of days...and...Fathers take a liking to the new noble on the block that is banging their daughters behind their backs in a couple of days....Must be all the blows to the head, they get amnesia and forget completely in 2 weeks.  But if you and your army of 20 men fail to win a battle against 500, he will never forget to bring that up, even if you haven't talked to him for a year.

 

[JTDC]

So I should talk to him about it, and then go and kill a bunch of Vaegir scum, and he'll forget?  Sweet.

 

[CptStanky]

Don't talk to him about it at all. Eventually if you catch him in the same walled center as her, he will say 'hey what's up, you should go talk to Svipul she's in her room' Don't touch the subject until then.

 

[Coy]

He'll forget about your impropriety in a couple of days.  Calradia is a very fast paced realm...Marshals get appointed and dishonored in a couple of days...Recruits become killing machine knights and huscarls in a couple of days...and...Fathers take a liking to the new noble on the block that is banging their daughters behind their backs in a couple of days....Must be all the blows to the head, they get amnesia and forget completely in 2 weeks.  But if you and your army of 20 men fail to win a battle against 500, he will never forget to bring that up, even if you haven't talked to him for a year.

For some reason I found this to be the most hilarious thing I have read in a long time. Thank you for that.

 

[Aquaman]

Fathers take a liking to the new noble on the block that is banging their daughters behind their backs in a couple of days

Are we playing the same game?

 

[PocketAces]

Yep, did the same thing. So I gave it some time, did quests for him, built up my renown and now we are married. (To the daughter not the father) 

 

[NJSQRL]

Just adding to this because I havent seen it mentioned here... it could just be me but I have never been granted permission to visit a lady before I held a castle/town.

Until that time I keep basically getting told that I am not good enough for her.

 

[Wim]

Had the same problem but after searching these forums a bit I found the easiest solution is to talk to the lord during a feast and ask for permission. That should fix it.
If you ask for permission on the world map you'll get negative rep with him.

 

[Jackinthebox]

If you ask for permission on the world map you'll get negative rep with him.

Not true, ive done it a lot of times without drawbacks.
What you might have seen is that a certain personality type for the lords does not like that, though i could not say which type that may be.
Ive pretty much always got permission to see my choosen lady, BUT i always make sure that i have taken care of some things beforehand.

First, having land does increase your chances immensly. Even when you are well know and respected, having no land equals beeing a bum.
There is simply no value to including you into the family just for your battle prowess.
Also bump up relations with her father to around twenty and he will be much more welcoming, and usally your wedding costs will reduce quite a bit when you are liked and have a decent standing.

Honestly, i only start going for a lady when my game/char are rolling and ive taken care of most of my goals.
Makes the thing way more easy and there is no real sense to a wife before you have advanced the game to a certain point. Its jsut for politics in the end.

 

[CptStanky]

If you ask permission AFTER already seeing her, no matter where, you'll get negative rep in my experience. Unless he likes you already or doesn't care, which you get sometimes with the tomboys. But who wants a woman in a frumpy vest anyway? The only time it matters where is when he is the one initiating that part of the conversation because he's decided he likes you. That only happens in a town/castle.

 

[JTDC]

Going to give an update:  I tried asking him in a castle, but I never could find him in one--always, always, always in the field.  After a month, I said screw it, and married her cousin.  I had tons of territory when I was asking, and no dice ever.  So screw it.  Her cousin has helped me quite a bit recently, and I don't have to deal with all sorts of other crap.

 

[BrotherScamp]

I think this may have to do with the personality of the individual lord you are dealing with, since I had the same problem with Lord Imirza but he has never over the course of my entire game let me hear the end of it, even after he became one of my most loyal vassals with 100 relation. Always "From what I have heard you have already spoken to her, etc."
Apparently he is a "debauched" lord, so maybe this means his attitude is just so bad that he doesn't care.