Honestly if your faction has 3 big armies and all the enemies can do is raid small villages when the armies are siegeing them it sounds like you faction is indeed winning and declaring war might've been a good choice. The ai is lacking serverly, yes, but you shouldn't except them to base thier decisions around you. If you want that you should create your own kingdom like the others said, and in the meantime accept that your **** will get burnt and just join the other armies.
Correction: My faction had 3 big armies fighting another faction that had 3 big armies and generally trading back and forth with my faction losing slightly. Then my faction declares war on yet another faction on the other side of the territory from where it is currently fighting and generally losing and that faction decides to send ALL of its lords into my one city and its villages to raid constantly for like 3 hours straight.
This is where the frustration comes in. Why did my faction declare war against another faction when it was already in a war it was losing slightly? Also my city wasn't the ONLY city or fief bordering the second faction yet none of the lords bothered with raiding them, just my 3 villages. On top of that, not one of my factions armies made a move to attack the faction they just decided to declare war on, the just keep fighting the original faction. A couple of things seem very broken here with the way the AI logic was working for my faction and honestly having 19 lord just attack my villages seemed like a bug as well if I have to be honest.
Also as far as creating my own kingdom, that is what I did. After 3 hours of this stupidity, I left my original faction and created my own Kingdom which just made things worse. Now my own Kingdom wants to be at war with everyone all at the same time with 100% support costing me literally 500-700 influence to vote no. I managed to vote no 3 times before I no longer had enough influence to override the support. No my new Kingdom is at war with 3 factions, voted for within literally 5 minutes of each other and half my Kingdom is burning because I barely have enough lords and parties to fight one Kingdom, let alone 3.
So creating my own Kingdom didn't solve a thing. The AI behind War declarations is just broken and fluck.
Honestly I brought this up in a couple of other threads but the AI should have to pass JUST FOUR conditions before declaring war.
1) Am I already at war? If the answers is yes then no war declared....EVER!!
2) Is the Faction I want to fight weaker and/or disadvantaged such as being already at war with another faction? If the answer is Yes and condition 1 is no, then war can be declared. If the the answer is No, then no war declared.
3) Does the Faction I want to go to war against have territories bordering mine? If the answer is No, then no war declared even if the other conditions are met.
4) Have you been in a war within the last 30 days. If yes, no war is declared despite other conditions being met.
These 4 questions consisting of simple logical conclusions, solve 90% of the war issues frequency issues. No Kingdom should want to be at war with multiple factions, when it is disadvantaged, when they are recovering from a pervious war or if they don't have bordering territories....EVER!!! This doesn't mean another, more powerful faction which finds itself meeting all the conditions wouldn't declare war on your faction and you could very well find yourself fighting 2-3 other factions if 2 opposing factions met all their conditions to declare on you but it would be pretty rare to be fighting more than 1 faction at a time.