How to make a bad video game

[RalliX]

I am most pleased.

Spoiler

 

[leprechaun]

Hahaaaaaaa, Winter's back!

Day = Made

 

[Raz]

Great read.

 

[Arzeal]

It's gold

 

[EasyCo506]

I find it sad how I've seen this stuff used in so many games and books. It seems like no one ever tries to come up with something original any more.

Anyway, it was really funny. If I could make a suggestion, I would suggest adding something about bad cliffhanger endings. It's very rare that I see a cliffhanger done right. Most of the time the cliffhanger seems to be tossed in just so they don't have to worry about finishing the plot. What's even worse is when a game ends on cliffhanger and the sequel takes years to come out (if it comes out at all), in which case you never find out how it would have ended. I hate when that happens.

 

[Swadius 2.0]

Escort missions. No one in the history of gaming has ever expressed a liking for it, no one talks about these things outside of how much they suck, and yet they are still quite common place in video games.

 

[Suspicous Pilgrim]

moar

 

[Kamos32]

Escort missions. No one in the history of gaming has ever expressed a liking for it, no one talks about these things outside of how much they suck, and yet they are still quite common place in video games.

In the very least the people are immortal these days.
"Noo Captain Keyes don't run right to that elite with a plasma sword!"

 

[Cookie Eating Huskarl]

If only shooting someone in the kneecaps work like in real life.

Blam! "Bad Captain Keyes! BAD! Now stay here while I mag dump that elite."

 

[Winter]

Escort missions. No one in the history of gaming has ever expressed a liking for it, no one talks about these things outside of how much they suck, and yet they are still quite common place in video games.

You, sir, have made the shout-outs page. I can't believe I forgot to plan at least a subsection for this.

I find it sad how I've seen this stuff used in so many games and books. It seems like no one ever tries to come up with something original any more.

Anyway, it was really funny. If I could make a suggestion, I would suggest adding something about bad cliffhanger endings. It's very rare that I see a cliffhanger done right. Most of the time the cliffhanger seems to be tossed in just so they don't have to worry about finishing the plot. What's even worse is when a game ends on cliffhanger and the sequel takes years to come out (if it comes out at all), in which case you never find out how it would have ended. I hate when that happens.

If you check the upcoming chapter list, you may spy 2C, a subsection entirely devoted to ****ty endings. I've already written most of it, if we get enough people sharing the link I'll post it as an extra soon.

Still, one or two points I hadn't fully considered. Consider yourself slated for a shout-out. Kazzan too. Keep the ideas coming!

Solicitously,
Winter

 

[Cookie Eating Huskarl]

And people need to stop pumping out zombie games where for some obscure reasons, the main character is someone immune to the infection. It becomes another generic hack, slash 'n shoot game before you even notice. Where's the feeling of dread that's ever present in older zombie movies where people fear ever coming in melee range with one of those zeds. If they can't even do that right, they might as well replace all the zeds with some orcs and trolls and call it Lord The Rings : COD edition. Or just stop making zombie games.

 

[G36E]

Fetch quests, backtracking and terrible controls.

 

[Winter]

Speaking of rip-off plots and terrible cutscenes, I came across this in my research which you really need to have seen.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/unskippable/3538-Star-Wars-The-Old-Republic

And people need to stop pumping out zombie games where for some obscure reasons, the main character is someone immune to the infection. It becomes another generic hack, slash 'n shoot game before you even notice. Where's the feeling of dread that's ever present in older zombie movies where people fear ever coming in melee range with one of those zeds. If they can't even do that right, they might as well replace all the zeds with some orcs and trolls and call it Lord The Rings : COD edition. Or just stop making zombie games.

Hmm, you may be on to something. Will see if there's a spot for this somewhere. It kind-of annoyed me in Dragon Age 1 as well, but they eventually won me over by working it into the story and making the whole 'being a Grey Warden' thing not quite as black and white as it seemed at first, just by writing one character really well.

The less said about Dragon Age 2, the better.

Judgmentally,
Winter

 

[Kobrag]

Awesome.
Don't forget to mention a seemingly over inflated currency that forces you to grind for hours on end to get even the simplest of weapons or upgrades.

 

[Untitled.]

Hate those generic dungeons
Anyways, looks real good Winter. Can't wait for more.

 

[Taimat396]

You should also check, before starting a new game, if you have any IP that doesn't have a dumbed down sequel in the works. If so, get to it!

 

[Itakethebuseverywhere]

decent piece of satire.

could you write something about pseudo-philiosophy being hammered into video game plots in a vain attempt to make a game seem intelligent but ends up being a pile of pretentious wank? like for example, Bioshock, which the wonderful critique of a society without morals suddenly turns into a living hell filled with crazed mutants or more recently day of sex human revolution in which we are asked if human improvement via augmentations is good or bad?

 

[Orion]

First thing I noticed: Winter is back! I'm still waiting for Craftmod to get ported to Warband.

I'm dead-tired right now so I'll save reading what's up until I can enjoy it more thoroughly, but I did read through this thread quickly. One thing you didn't seem to mention was the increasing use of gimmicky features, such as cover mechanics in shooters, which are especially gamebreaking when they give you a third person view while in cover. Other things for shooters include vault/mantle features that essentially replace jumping with a time-wasting animated sequence that leaves you completely vulnerable for several seconds. Essentially, a section about adding special buttons and animations for things you already do.

If you feel like that fits into "press X to not die" (which it totally does, at least for cover mechanics), then at least make sure to mention simplification of party mechanics in RPGs. Mass Effect 1 had the option to manually level-up and gear all of your party members, whereas Mass Effect 2 chose all of their equipment and skills for you. This leaves you with cookie-cutter characters, which I hope you also have a section on.

could you write something about pseudo-philiosophy being hammered into video game plots in a vain attempt to make a game seem intelligent but ends up being a pile of pretentious wank?

I got this far and thought "Bioshock." Then I read the next sentence and grinned. At least (in theory) Deus Ex poses a question that's worth thinking over, given the advances being made in medical technology right now.

 

[Suspicous Pilgrim]

"You do not have the skill to use this item"


I'm a god-damned space marine, aren't I?

 

[Blackfish]

Cool. Looking forward to the rest.

And people need to stop pumping out zombie games where for some obscure reasons, the main character is someone immune to the infection. It becomes another generic hack, slash 'n shoot game before you even notice. Where's the feeling of dread that's ever present in older zombie movies where people fear ever coming in melee range with one of those zeds. If they can't even do that right, they might as well replace all the zeds with some orcs and trolls and call it Lord The Rings : COD edition. Or just stop making zombie games.

Non-immunity from zombie infection is great for movies, but imo it makes for a bad game mechanic, since it essentially turns the game into a one-hit KO game. I guess it could make for a good entry in the horror genre, but it would make for a tedious and frustrating action game.