To get lords to join your kingdom, you need to first have at least two tax producing fiefs (towns or villages) although I highly recommend waiting until you also have a castle to give up, otherwise the new guy can't upgrade his troops. Once you've got that, go talk to your chancellor in any of your castles. Tell him you want to recruit a new lord, and that's it. Then wait a few days, and you'll get a little announcment. Give him a fief and you're set. I'm pretty sure it's the chancellor, although it might be the marshall. Can't remember. And with the party, you've got two choices. Train and increase your leadership skill, or form regiments. To make one, go to the party screen and select a unit. Click talk, and tell them to form a party. You can put an unlimited amount of units in it, and they follow you around. Make sure you don't get too far away from them, or they can't help you.
