So I don’t know, am I an edgy, incel reactionary trying to live out a male dominated fantasy spewing filth to undo the progress of feminism because of my hatred of women and my little pp cowardliness is afraid of giving up a teensy bit of power? I personally don’t think so. More power to the sperm banks I say. It does disturb me to be accused of such things though because that is someone who I never was nor ever will be.
Please don't take Evelyn's "advice".
I'll give you a bit of validation here because I used to worry about similar things in regards to future relationships, etc. I'm lucky enough to be married to an extraordinary lady, and it's with her experience that I have synthesized my own view of modern "feminism", which I'll try to distill relatively briefly. She's very successful and by all accounts self-made from quite a poor upbringing, and there was an early portion of the relationship where she made almost all the money in the household. In spite of this, or more likely, because of it, she generally despises "feminism" and those that call themselves feminists.
This is not because she does not support women's rights - she is, obviously, a woman and has the lived experience of one in the modern world, and knows that there is still a lot of work to be done in that regard. It is also not because she thinks women have a defined social role or anything like that - she had challenges dealing with those very things because she comes from a very conservative cultural community. It is because she doesn't feel that modern "feminism", long-term, has more of a negative effect on both men and women. This is because of a number of factors, which tie into my own views on the "movement".
One factor, of course, which you have experienced is the "with us or against us" nature of the movement. I would chalk this up to the same tribal extremism that has afflicted most community groups and political ideologies in the internet age. The ease of communication with essentially no consequences has led to a good number of communities forming around positions which would generally be considered untenable if you were ever to try to express them to anyone in actual public. This leads to a game of ideological chicken where a group can drift further and further into extremism. This is how communities like incels form, and modern "feminism" is a dark reflection of that, with the significant difference that it is built around an idea that is generally considered to be agreeable to most people. Who wouldn't want to advance the cause of women in modern society?
This brings up the other factor, that you get a diverse array of people under the umbrella of "feminism", and not all have good intentions. You will get people who innocently want to advance women - these are, obviously, not problematic, and I'd wager this group forms the majority. Then you get people who would form the vanguard of the kind of "feminism" that we're discussing, and it is here that people like you and I would take issue. It is also here that my lady takes serious umbrage, because she feels that this particular brand damages women.
It is in telling women to assert themselves that this modern "feminism" most damages them, especially when it comes to relationships. As I've said, the modern world is not perfect and it is definitely not perfect for women. I would never advise a woman be submissive in a bad relationship for the sake of preserving it - that being said, modern feminism (generally, there are few absolutes in this arena) advocates behaviour that is ultimately to the detriment of women. Once again, there is variation in intensity here, but I've seen stripping and other such acts of self-objectification termed as "empowering", along with, as you've mentioned, a general distrust in relationships, viewing them as a power struggle. It's no coincidence that this is also the era of the rise of "polyamory" as a defined sexual orientation.
I could go on about this (and about the reintroduction of a near-paternalistic, pseudo-Victorian image of women, but that's a discussion for another time) but I'll mostly sum it up with my personal belief that this modern "feminism", among many of the other blossoming communities in our brave new identitarian world, acts as a substitute for a backbone for extremely weak people. It's a lot easier to blame things on "the patriarchy" and generally on everyone but yourself. Weak women who don't take the time to improve themselves substantially in their careers or in their relationships can retreat further into an ideology which reassures them that it's not their fault, it's merely the state of the world. As I said, this is hardly the majority, but I'd again wager that people like this form the majority of the keyboard warriors on a variety of platforms who espouse these values.
So don't worry if people call you an incel or whatever, you claim you aren't and that's important. Don't despair on finding someone either - I got lucky enough to. You will as well, no doubt. Just don't compromise yourself, and be patient.