English paper
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Ryuta
Sergeant
I voted for 'Great'. It is very organised, logically constructed and easy to read.
It's very minor but I'd like to say you can simply state 'Chronicle of Narnia: the Lion, the Wich and the Wordrobe' (comma between Lion and the Witch), then put simply as 'Narnia' rather than entire title. Because we all know what you're talking about.
And is the word 'christen' 'Christian'?
Use does not instead of doesn't.
'the entire seven book chronicle of Narnia series' could be 'the entire seven-book series of the Chronicle of Narnia', or 'the entire seven-book Chronicle of Narnia series'.
The sentence that says 'three rewrites' means he rewrote the story completely, or just revised? If former, it would be 'he even rewrote the story three times'. If later, 'He even revised it three times'.
But these things are minor and the basic structure of argument and essay is excellent! I especially like the way you organised the structure introduction>similarlity>difference>similarlity>conclusion.
It's very minor but I'd like to say you can simply state 'Chronicle of Narnia: the Lion, the Wich and the Wordrobe' (comma between Lion and the Witch), then put simply as 'Narnia' rather than entire title. Because we all know what you're talking about.
And is the word 'christen' 'Christian'?
Use does not instead of doesn't.
'the entire seven book chronicle of Narnia series' could be 'the entire seven-book series of the Chronicle of Narnia', or 'the entire seven-book Chronicle of Narnia series'.
The sentence that says 'three rewrites' means he rewrote the story completely, or just revised? If former, it would be 'he even rewrote the story three times'. If later, 'He even revised it three times'.
But these things are minor and the basic structure of argument and essay is excellent! I especially like the way you organised the structure introduction>similarlity>difference>similarlity>conclusion.
Laurence of Arabia
Veteran
Call 'kids' children.
A Compare and Contrast Essay on Two Wonderful Fantasy Books
"The Hobbit" and "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe", are arguably two of the best fantasy books for children ever written. They were both written by professors at Oxford, and the authors were [del]actually[/del] good friends. The books however are both very different, yet similar. [badly phrased]
One of the similarities of both books is the theme, a journey that was taken almost unwillingly, but brought great rewards before the end. In "The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe"" a group of children [del]went[/del] go into a magical world that was vastly different than their own. In The Hobbit, Bilbo, a mild-mannered, respectable hobbit [what is a hobbit?] is pulled into a grand quest without even agreeing to it, and [del]having[/del] has to endure the lack of all the comforts he was used to. One difference between these two journeys is the amount of distress,[full stop] Bilbo has an utter lack of comfort throughout most of The Hobbit, while the children in The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe are relatively well fed and rested most of the time and even have tea and take a nap while they are being hunted by werewolves.
The authors of the books had different personalities that affect[-ed] their writing. C.S Lewis, the author of The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, wrote and released the entire seven book chronicles of Narnia series in about seven years. J.R.R Tolkien took more than fourteen years to write his Lord of the Rings trilogy, and about four years to write the hobbit. He even released three rewrites [is this a 'proper' word?] later, and took many more years to write the history and story of middle earth. C.S. Lewis had a tendency to just toss off [other word?] a novel for printing with very little editing, while Tolkien would often edit every sentence [del]at least once[/del] during his long editing process.
Both books have a "Deus ex Machina" : Aslan in The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, and Gandalf in The Hobbit. And in each book they have to leave for a time to heighten the action, and they both return in time to save the main characters. Both books are for children, but The Hobbit is written so that it can be enjoyed by all ages, while the lion the witch and the wardrobe is almost completely for younger kids [need more full stop] to the point that instead of going into detail, it says that it cannot go detail because if it did than the grown-ups would not let you read it. The Hobbit has a very deep and somewhat rational world that has a lot of history that, while not important to the plot, adds a lot of depth to the story that The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe just doesn’t accomplish very well. However The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe does have a very strong underlining [del]christen[/del] [Christian] theme that adults will understand [del]however[/del] but children don’t usually pick up.
Overall both books are fantastic children’s stories. They defined the realm of children’s fantasy, and made a difference between it and fairy tales. Both books are superb books and I would recommend them to anyone, whether [del]their[/del] they are five or fifty-five.
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Maybe I'm wrong in my corrections but these are the mistakes I see.
"The Hobbit" and "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe", are arguably two of the best fantasy books for children ever written. They were both written by professors at Oxford, and the authors were [del]actually[/del] good friends. The books however are both very different, yet similar. [badly phrased]
One of the similarities of both books is the theme, a journey that was taken almost unwillingly, but brought great rewards before the end. In "The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe"" a group of children [del]went[/del] go into a magical world that was vastly different than their own. In The Hobbit, Bilbo, a mild-mannered, respectable hobbit [what is a hobbit?] is pulled into a grand quest without even agreeing to it, and [del]having[/del] has to endure the lack of all the comforts he was used to. One difference between these two journeys is the amount of distress,[full stop] Bilbo has an utter lack of comfort throughout most of The Hobbit, while the children in The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe are relatively well fed and rested most of the time and even have tea and take a nap while they are being hunted by werewolves.
The authors of the books had different personalities that affect[-ed] their writing. C.S Lewis, the author of The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, wrote and released the entire seven book chronicles of Narnia series in about seven years. J.R.R Tolkien took more than fourteen years to write his Lord of the Rings trilogy, and about four years to write the hobbit. He even released three rewrites [is this a 'proper' word?] later, and took many more years to write the history and story of middle earth. C.S. Lewis had a tendency to just toss off [other word?] a novel for printing with very little editing, while Tolkien would often edit every sentence [del]at least once[/del] during his long editing process.
Both books have a "Deus ex Machina" : Aslan in The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, and Gandalf in The Hobbit. And in each book they have to leave for a time to heighten the action, and they both return in time to save the main characters. Both books are for children, but The Hobbit is written so that it can be enjoyed by all ages, while the lion the witch and the wardrobe is almost completely for younger kids [need more full stop] to the point that instead of going into detail, it says that it cannot go detail because if it did than the grown-ups would not let you read it. The Hobbit has a very deep and somewhat rational world that has a lot of history that, while not important to the plot, adds a lot of depth to the story that The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe just doesn’t accomplish very well. However The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe does have a very strong underlining [del]christen[/del] [Christian] theme that adults will understand [del]however[/del] but children don’t usually pick up.
Overall both books are fantastic children’s stories. They defined the realm of children’s fantasy, and made a difference between it and fairy tales. Both books are superb books and I would recommend them to anyone, whether [del]their[/del] they are five or fifty-five.
-----
Maybe I'm wrong in my corrections but these are the mistakes I see.
Demiminigod
Banned
Numbers like 1-10 or what, cause if it's danish characters i'm gonna give you a slippery 9 
Demiminigod
Banned
roborob said:
Cool, learned something new then, eh.
Give it a 79 then ^^
Well, you certainly open up with your boots on:
"The Hobbit and The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, are arguably two of the best fantasy books for children ever written."
The "best fill-in-the-blank" is purely subjective. It is opinion, yet you state it as fact. Arguably or no arguably. And when someone makes such an absolute statement, it is customary to follow up with an explanation to back that statement up. But this is what follows:
"They were both written by professors at Oxford, and the authors were actually good friends."
This makes it seem like the books are arguably the best ever written, by virtue of being written by Oxford professors.
I would also not call either Gandalf or Aslan "deus ex machina". When a story has painted itself in a corner by the end, and resorts to a cheap, quick - and often far-fetched - resolution, this solution is called deus ex machina. The computer virus in Independence day was a deus ex machina, as were Earth's microorganisms in War of the Worlds. A deus ex machina is not part of the story until the resolution itself, and as they tend to be somewhat anti-climactic, good authors try to avoid using them.
"The Hobbit and The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, are arguably two of the best fantasy books for children ever written."
The "best fill-in-the-blank" is purely subjective. It is opinion, yet you state it as fact. Arguably or no arguably. And when someone makes such an absolute statement, it is customary to follow up with an explanation to back that statement up. But this is what follows:
"They were both written by professors at Oxford, and the authors were actually good friends."
This makes it seem like the books are arguably the best ever written, by virtue of being written by Oxford professors.
I would also not call either Gandalf or Aslan "deus ex machina". When a story has painted itself in a corner by the end, and resorts to a cheap, quick - and often far-fetched - resolution, this solution is called deus ex machina. The computer virus in Independence day was a deus ex machina, as were Earth's microorganisms in War of the Worlds. A deus ex machina is not part of the story until the resolution itself, and as they tend to be somewhat anti-climactic, good authors try to avoid using them.
Poil
Sergeant Knight
roborob said:
I just noticed you said the Hobbit, and not LOTR. Not having read the Hobbit I can't comment on Gandalf's role in that book, but in LOTR at least he is balanced out by proportionally powerful villains. This is appropriate in a fantasy setting - and the same goes for Narnia - because magic is such an important element.
Your definition above is correct, but only partially. Through the respective stories we see that neither Gandalf nor Aslan are invincible, and both enrich the story. Would be pretty drab without them, I imagine.
CrazyEyes
Knight at Arms
Gandalf's role in The Hobbit is still vital, but he doesn't stay with the group for very long - only for short visits - because he keeps going places and doing business, one of which is to cripple the Necromancer (not included in the actual story, just mentioned by Gandalf). So he is definately important, but balanced. If he would have stayed for the entire time, Bilbo might've *****ed less (he keeps whining during the beginning parts because he's such a pampered baby at home).
Rabid Potatoe
Master Knight
Seconded. And yes your paper is good. Unless it isn't supposed to be that short. When we have to do essays they have to be about 2-3 pages long. But I supposed you are doing it in a different way. I wish we did that in our school, my arm wouldn't hurt as much after typing the damn thing up
