Crazy christian sect taking it way to far

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Bulle

Count
A friend sent me a link to this forum, pointing out the weirdness, and I discovered something very dark. Here is a man talking about how he punishes his wife.

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=44728&highlight=ethel

When I would tell my wife to sit down and listen to her daily scripture (her father raised her to not read, and I support this), she would move lazily across the room. At first she didn't say anything, but her body projected disobedience and willfulness. Later on, she began to backtalk me. She even swore.

I spanked her several times, with my hand on her bare bottom, and later on with a belt, and a cane. None of these things seemed to work. She would cry for a while to get me to stop, and then a couple days later the attitude would start right back up.

So I did what good ole George W would have done: I waterboarded her.

I had our son hold her down (we had only one son at the time) while I poured water into her mouth. It hurt me deep inside my heart to see her choking, but I kept right on, knowing that if I didn't do it right the first time, I would have to do it again later. I prayed as I did it, "Dear God, make my wife Ethel behave."

Ethel eventually fell unconscious. I figured it wouldn't do much good to keep on with her unconscious, so I stopped.

She was real quiet for a couple of days, and I tried to think of a way to get her to come out of her shell. So I made her perform her wifely duty. She was nicer than she had ever been before.

A couple days later Ethel miscarried. I figure that's just belated punishment from when she was disobeyin' me.
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http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=45757&highlight=ethel

Yes, after all I've done for her, my wife Ethel has really spit in my benevolent eye this time: she abandoned her duties in the kitchen and set off on foot to try and make it to town.

This has all been precipitated by the fact that I am finally standing up as a man and insisting that my wife assume her proper role in the household, as my servant and an incubator for my children. She seems to think that she should be spending her free time watching television, using the computer, backtalking me, even masturbating! Her ungodly practices have got to stop.

So I've decided to burn the bottoms of my wife's feet with the iron. There shouldn't be any permanent damage. I've burned them just enough to prevent her from running off.
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Later in the same thread they are all discussing how to make her stop running away, stuff like locking her into the basement, putting a chain on her ankle and so on.

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=45469&highlight=ethel
Immediately, I locked her in the prayer closet while I thought of what my response should be. A True Christian™ always acts with a cool head.

I could hear her begging me not to discipline her, but, as much as it hurts me, I had to do my Christian Duty™.

I tied Ethel down to the bed face up and went back down into the basement to fetch some rats. I laid a clay bowl upside down over Ethel's stomach with the rats inside and put hot coals on top of it.

Now, brothers and sisters, I can't tell you how much it hurts me to listen to my wife Ethel scream, so I made sure I gagged her before the rats started gnawing away at her abdomen.

Of course, since I only did this to teach her a lesson, I let the rats free after a few minutes and sent Ethel to go kill them. She was unconscious so I had to do it myself. There's not much you can teach a woman when she's unconscious.
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http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=46812&highlight=ethel+double+amputee
I had already seared the bottoms of her feet with hot irons when she tried to run away from home. This immobilized her, thus enabling her to better perform her wifely duties against her own warped will.

Having read about the importance of amputating offending limbs for the Lord, I decided that it would be appropriate for me to take her tongue and one of her hands. After all, she will be able to perform her chores at least as well in this condition. There is nothing worthwhile that Ethel does with her tongue, except jibber-jabber and sass me.

I had my eldest son of eight, who is strong from chopping wood with his father, hold Ethel's mouth open while I attached a set of locking pliers to her tongue. Then I took it off with my utility scissors and stuck a red hot fire poker in her mouth to carterize it.

I selected Ethel's right hand at random, because I honestly can't remember which one I caught her masturbating with, and I know that's the one I used to use when I was a teenager. I can't trust Ethel's word because she is only going to tell me which hand she favors the least. So I flipped a coin. I took the clothes iron to her stump.

After all this I made sure the wounds on her feet were fresh so that she would not try to run away.

I also made sure she was fully awake for each operation, for it is the Lord's will that woman's suffering be multiplied
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This is all with his fellows support. Then she "mysteriously died" by stoning! http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=48175


Btw, here is a topic in which they talk about how great stonings is: http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=44736
 
I spanked her several times, with my hand on her bare bottom, and later on with a belt, and a cane. None of these things seemed to work. She would cry for a while to get me to stop, and then a couple days later the attitude would start right back up.
Click to expand...
I was gonna say 'hot' , but damn, either that site is some epic trolling going on or that sect deserves a nice carpet bombing. :???:
 
Holy crap, I got trolled. Checked it out on wiki and it says it's fictional. Pheeew. But spending time there, it seems real.
 
"Thousands of Tea Party members who traveled hundreds of miles to the scene say they were misled by a chain mail from the Landover Baptist Church™ about a bunch of Negroes forcing a white woman to cook in her underwear.  After a few sips of whiskey and rifle shot, it became clear to them that there were Wiccans afoot.  Tea Party members erected a wooden cross in a nearby field and lit it on fire to provide them light for what one official called, "The Great Hunt to Restore America From Evil."  "

:lol:
 
Christian Duty™  :lol:
Also look at the description of the members:
Father Thomas Martin 
Pedantic Pubescent Pedophile Papist Proselytizer

Unsaved trash

Sister Mary Maria 
Ex-Papist wench
 
The more I read, the more I actually do realise it is absurd. Apparently one of them is a multimillionare that owns a diamond mine, which is indeed silly. I got trolled so hard, but damn, that site is funny now in hindsight.
 
map120.jpg

I think I'm signing up, I feel my salvation coming.
 
Landover Baptist is an awesome site, possibly connected to the Church of the SubGenius (it's got the same feel to it, anyway). The weird thing is, though, if you go on real Pentecostal forums (or ex-Pentecostal ones like Azura Street Survivors) it's all the exact same as Landover Baptist.  They're barely exagerrating it at all.
 
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