Courting Ladys and Rep

[The Darklord]

When I try to court a lady in 1.13 and beta patches I got the following problem, I cant improve my relationship with them with out getting a relationship hit (they drop to -2), any one know how to avoid this hit? As it's annoying as it so hard to raise you Rep with them (if lucky +4 from a tournament and +2-3 from poems = +4 and then your stuck).

So how to start courtship without a relationship penalty or better still a bonus.

 

[Shine]

The ones that give -2 have other men after them so like in real life they get stuck up :p They probably have a man they like alot more than you so you are just an annoyance. But you can duel her other suitors to get further boosts with her.

If you find a girl with no admirers you can get up to a +17 relation boost just from professing your admiration for them the first time you talk to them.

 

[CryoNomad]

Depends on the woman. I would assume your talking about the how you admire her option?

Duels are an option. I've also found the bonus you get by mentioning you admire her and other things can be attributed to your political standings. If you have a bunch of fiefs under your belt for instance the admire option seems to give a higher bonus with women that are ambitous.

You can find out who is courting your lady and duel them through asking the bards. It does seem though that you've gone after the most incompatible women. 

If you can read her poems them I assume you must be able to visit her. Just wait until she asks for you to come see her. Each time you do is another relation point.


EDIT: Shine did a ninja on me. It could be more related to their suiters that give you the bonus I am not entirely sure. The wife is a basically worthless feature and I rarely engage in it.

 

[SPD_Phoenix]

Some ladies don't want to be admired from the start (usually the moralist ones). Tournament dedication then say that you admired her usually be better even when you get a -2. As long as she said she want to see you more, you are good to go. From then start working on the dad/borther relation and your renown.

Poems will give you from 8 to 12 points depending on the lady personality. Every visiting quest gives another points. You will only need 20 to be on the safer side (with competetion with other lords). Get high renown, good relationship with the guardian, save some money.

 

[Oldschool]

Also, when you first speak to them, if they say "Is there anything else I can help you with?", they are more open to being admired.  If they say "Now if you'll excuse me...", or "I was just about to retire", that means you have a rival already and will get a -2 relation for admiring her.

It's worth taking some time and researching the ladies.  In my first attempt, I focused on one girl, because I liked her family as potential vassals down the line.  It didn't work well at all.  By the time I dueled my rivals, and recited all the poems to her, I was back to relationship 0 with her.  Since her father didn't like the King, they never showed up at the feasts or tournaments for me to gain any points with her.  Without a positive relation, she won't invite you to visit, so that was pretty much the end of that.

Next time I will have a better plan of action. 

 

[The Darklord]

Thanks Oldschool & co.
So any hint on what best for each type?
I do know if they let slip you have a rival and then try to cover up there slip up your better of not duelling said guy as you then get -5 rep.

If your getting 8-12 rep for poem something must be wrong for me as I never got more than +1 even with the rare lady that did give me +rep for just saying hi back in my 1.11 game.