One of the basic concepts of war, a king should be able to give directions to armies. Offensive, balanced, and Defensive isn't enough. You, patrol here. You, take this town. You, defend this city. A lot of the grinding end game is simply because we don't really know who will form an army and what they will do. Kind of ridiculous.
Also, it should be basic AI that Lords defend their own fiefs. If they don't, they don't deserve to have them back.
Also, it should be basic AI that Lords defend their own fiefs. If they don't, they don't deserve to have them back.