You won't be able to marry anyone once you become queen (except a lord of your own faction, either by recruiting enemy lords or converting a companion). I made this mistake, courting Emir Hiwan and accepting his marriage proposal, then starting my own faction before the feast/wedding could take place. Talking to him after becoming a Queen was no different to talking to any other lord I had good relations with, until I re-joined the Sultanate and we were wed.
So yeah, either marry someone before starting your own Queendom, or recruit them to your Queendom before marrying them. Tis a shame, sealing alliances through marriage was commonplace back in feudal times.