[Adventure Net] Survival of the Fittest
- 主题发起人 Pharaoh Llandy
- 开始时间
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Having finally returned to your senses, you turn your attention to the other side of the street. The row of shops appears a welcoming sight, but as you make your way over you do so furtively, sneaking from item of cover to item of cover. Because you are Big McLarge-Huge, the sneaking does not go very well, but for the moment the area seems to be zombie-free, so your incompetence at stealth does not bring you a swift death.
Upon reaching the shops, you are delighted to find a hardware store. You enter the shop, putting your newfound enhanced listening skills to good practice, but it turns out you are still alone. Immediately you head for the back shelf, where the workmen's carryalls are stacked ready for sale. You pick the biggest, sturdiest carryall you can find, and go on a gleeful looting spree around the store. Into your pilfered container goes; a hammer, nails, cordless staple-gun and spare staples, hacksaw, chisel, several boxes of matches, a can of lighter fluid, monkey wrench, hand-axe, screw driver, screws, rope, twine, duct tape and insulation tape. You also find a pair of protective eye-goggles, of the type which might be worn by somebody using an electric tree-trimmer, and immediately place these over your head.
Your stomach growls at you, reminding you that it's been 24 hours since you last ate, so you leave the hardware store and head next door, into the convenience store, where you indulge even further in your kleptomania. You devour a box of twinkies as you saunter down the aisle, choosing only the foods which most tempt your tastebuds. Into the already-packed carryall go packets of cookies and beef jerky, as well as more nourishing foods such as tins of beans, a loaf of bread and a packet of fresh apples. Conscious about neglecting your dental hygiene—and hygiene in general—you also pilfer a couple of toothbrushes, a tube of toothpaste and several bars of soap. Three bottles of cheap vodka are added to your ever-growing mound, along with a box of bandaids and several sterile dressings and lengths of bandages.
You eat a packet of oreos on your way out.
The next store is a beauty salon. There isn't really much that holds your attention there, but to keep up with tradition you loot a hairbrush from it.
After that you come across a perfumery, and very nearly turn away, but glancing through the window your eyes chance upon a bottle of your favourite aftershave; Old Spice. You simply can't pass up this opportunity. Using your new hand-axe, you break down the door of the perfumery and snatch the bottle. A few sprays about your lab coat is all it takes to rid your nostrils of the repulsive smell of zombie flesh, and you repackage the bottle before wedging it into the carryall between the hammer and the wrench.
The final store, a thrift shop, seems entirely pointless at first, but as your eyes wander over the gaudy items in the display, they fall upon an old music box, and your mind wanders back to the conversation you had with your brother, Medium McLarge-Average, several months ago.
"Yeah, Sarah's old music box broke last night. The one her great-grandma left for her in the will. She's heartbroken, of course, she loved that thing, listened to it every night. She even hoped to play it for our kids, someday. We've tried to have it fixed, but it's older than antique. The guy in the shop said he can replace the drum, but the song will never sound the same."
Sarah, Medium's wife, will probably get a real kick out of a gift like that. If she's still alive, of course. How odd, though, that Medium hasn't tried to call you; you should have been at his home late last night. Why isn't he worried? You pat yourself down, searching for your mobile phone, but it's not in any of your pockets. Must have lost it during the chaos last night. Maybe it dropped out in your car, if only you can find the tree you crashed it into.
Who builds a town with so many goddamn trees, anyway?
Your eyes mist over as you consider how you would build this town, if it was yours for the taking. "Big McLarge-Huge Town." Or perhaps something with a bit more sass. "McLargeville", or "Big McTown-Huge." So many possibilities! One thing's for sure, you wouldn't build it with so many goddamn trees. As you look around, you think to yourself, 'Yeah, why not? This place has potential. Bit of a fixer-upper, need to get rid of the crashed cars, and then there's that small living dead problem, but it's probably manageable, with the right help. Note to self: first, find lackeys.'
Well, if Medium and Sarah are alive, you will see them again one day. You use your elbow to bash the window of the thrift shop, then whimper like a girl when your arm rebounds off it bruised. The hell kinda thrift-shop has ramraid-proof glass?
You give the door the axe-treatment, and grab the music box from the window. It joins the Old Spice in your carryall.
Perhaps you ought to go back to the hardware store and get a second carryall. After all, you're a big strapping fireman, and you need something to carry all your twinkies and souvenirs in.
Before you can head back to the first shop, however, you hear a high-pitched scream from the direction of the nearby park.
'Aha!' you think to yourself. 'Potential lackey!'
Upon reaching the shops, you are delighted to find a hardware store. You enter the shop, putting your newfound enhanced listening skills to good practice, but it turns out you are still alone. Immediately you head for the back shelf, where the workmen's carryalls are stacked ready for sale. You pick the biggest, sturdiest carryall you can find, and go on a gleeful looting spree around the store. Into your pilfered container goes; a hammer, nails, cordless staple-gun and spare staples, hacksaw, chisel, several boxes of matches, a can of lighter fluid, monkey wrench, hand-axe, screw driver, screws, rope, twine, duct tape and insulation tape. You also find a pair of protective eye-goggles, of the type which might be worn by somebody using an electric tree-trimmer, and immediately place these over your head.
Your stomach growls at you, reminding you that it's been 24 hours since you last ate, so you leave the hardware store and head next door, into the convenience store, where you indulge even further in your kleptomania. You devour a box of twinkies as you saunter down the aisle, choosing only the foods which most tempt your tastebuds. Into the already-packed carryall go packets of cookies and beef jerky, as well as more nourishing foods such as tins of beans, a loaf of bread and a packet of fresh apples. Conscious about neglecting your dental hygiene—and hygiene in general—you also pilfer a couple of toothbrushes, a tube of toothpaste and several bars of soap. Three bottles of cheap vodka are added to your ever-growing mound, along with a box of bandaids and several sterile dressings and lengths of bandages.
You eat a packet of oreos on your way out.
The next store is a beauty salon. There isn't really much that holds your attention there, but to keep up with tradition you loot a hairbrush from it.
After that you come across a perfumery, and very nearly turn away, but glancing through the window your eyes chance upon a bottle of your favourite aftershave; Old Spice. You simply can't pass up this opportunity. Using your new hand-axe, you break down the door of the perfumery and snatch the bottle. A few sprays about your lab coat is all it takes to rid your nostrils of the repulsive smell of zombie flesh, and you repackage the bottle before wedging it into the carryall between the hammer and the wrench.
The final store, a thrift shop, seems entirely pointless at first, but as your eyes wander over the gaudy items in the display, they fall upon an old music box, and your mind wanders back to the conversation you had with your brother, Medium McLarge-Average, several months ago.
"Yeah, Sarah's old music box broke last night. The one her great-grandma left for her in the will. She's heartbroken, of course, she loved that thing, listened to it every night. She even hoped to play it for our kids, someday. We've tried to have it fixed, but it's older than antique. The guy in the shop said he can replace the drum, but the song will never sound the same."
Sarah, Medium's wife, will probably get a real kick out of a gift like that. If she's still alive, of course. How odd, though, that Medium hasn't tried to call you; you should have been at his home late last night. Why isn't he worried? You pat yourself down, searching for your mobile phone, but it's not in any of your pockets. Must have lost it during the chaos last night. Maybe it dropped out in your car, if only you can find the tree you crashed it into.
Who builds a town with so many goddamn trees, anyway?
Your eyes mist over as you consider how you would build this town, if it was yours for the taking. "Big McLarge-Huge Town." Or perhaps something with a bit more sass. "McLargeville", or "Big McTown-Huge." So many possibilities! One thing's for sure, you wouldn't build it with so many goddamn trees. As you look around, you think to yourself, 'Yeah, why not? This place has potential. Bit of a fixer-upper, need to get rid of the crashed cars, and then there's that small living dead problem, but it's probably manageable, with the right help. Note to self: first, find lackeys.'
Well, if Medium and Sarah are alive, you will see them again one day. You use your elbow to bash the window of the thrift shop, then whimper like a girl when your arm rebounds off it bruised. The hell kinda thrift-shop has ramraid-proof glass?
You give the door the axe-treatment, and grab the music box from the window. It joins the Old Spice in your carryall.
Perhaps you ought to go back to the hardware store and get a second carryall. After all, you're a big strapping fireman, and you need something to carry all your twinkies and souvenirs in.
Before you can head back to the first shop, however, you hear a high-pitched scream from the direction of the nearby park.
'Aha!' you think to yourself. 'Potential lackey!'
Sneaking: failed
Remembering: success
Here are the shops you've rolled so far, and the items I very generously gave you: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1IJ4p_ZUSwSWjx-K04p5s8FQ0ylbfgNAOO4yD_Iw9kSs/edit?usp=sharing
I'm very surprised that nobody figured out the easy solution to the zombie/dentist problem, though; you guys need to start thinking more laterally
Will update character inventory shortly
Remembering: success
Here are the shops you've rolled so far, and the items I very generously gave you: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1IJ4p_ZUSwSWjx-K04p5s8FQ0ylbfgNAOO4yD_Iw9kSs/edit?usp=sharing
I'm very surprised that nobody figured out the easy solution to the zombie/dentist problem, though; you guys need to start thinking more laterally
Will update character inventory shortly
NotAdaham
Knight
That's because we're STRONKH, not cunning, duh...Pharaoh X Llandy 说:I'm very surprised that nobody figured out the easy solution to the zombie/dentist problem, though; you guys need to start thinking more laterally
Cool, we're well equipped now. But is there something like a sports shop or even a gun shop? I mean, is this 'murica or what? Which goddamn Whateverville in the US wouldn't have it's own Ammunation?
I really like the idea of stocking up in this place. We could make the dentist's office our HQ, tis a nice vantage point, with a ground floor escape route, and a second floor vantage point. We could really need a sniper rifle, though...
What would we have done anyway? Applied penis-shaped dental drills into the eyesockets of the zombie?
Also, I think it would be prudent to gather our (potential) following and try to make our way to Medium. We seem to get along well enough, and without long-sighted goals we might start to go hollow.
Also also, a high-pitched scream probably means females. On the other hand, if they're screaming like that they're probably dead by the time we arrive to help, and surely we're not the only ones to be attracted by the cries of a fair maiden. I'm fairly confident in our abilities to fight off some zombies with our newly acquired weaponry, especially if they're distracted, but it might be dangerous anyway.
I'd totally wank to that though.
Also, I think it would be prudent to gather our (potential) following and try to make our way to Medium. We seem to get along well enough, and without long-sighted goals we might start to go hollow.
Also also, a high-pitched scream probably means females. On the other hand, if they're screaming like that they're probably dead by the time we arrive to help, and surely we're not the only ones to be attracted by the cries of a fair maiden. I'm fairly confident in our abilities to fight off some zombies with our newly acquired weaponry, especially if they're distracted, but it might be dangerous anyway.
Aren't you a charmer?Big McLarge-Huge 说:That looks more like you, but why not. Gotta ask Untitled whether that's gonna "do the job", if you catch my drift
I'd totally wank to that though.
NotAdaham
Knight
This might sound strange, but this is pretty close to what I was thinking about...Untitled. 说:
Don't you think gathering some minions and becoming the mayor of McLargeville isn't a great long-sighted goal? Besides, Medium has always been the black sheep in the family. What with him being just so...average...
Danger-Shmanger. It's the zombies who should be afraid, not us.
See, I knew it...Aren't you a charmer?Big McLarge-Huge 说:That looks more like you, but why not. Gotta ask Untitled whether that's gonna "do the job", if you catch my drift
I'd totally wank to that though.
Big McLarge-Huge 说:
Right now that would be your bottle of Old Spice. Are you sure you don't want to be a little more specific?
At any rate, I only just got home/had dinner and these orders will require much Dicing and Narrating and the like, and since I'm pooped and need an early night I shall handle them when I get home from work tomorrow night.
Also gives you time to decide if you really do want to leave a subjective statement like "most fearsome weapon" to the host discretion
NotAdaham
Knight
Way to make the life of the only consistently active player more difficult
SWAP WEAPON TO HAMMER IN RIGHT HAND. AND THE METAL THINGY THAT HELPED US DEFEAT THE FIRST ZOMBIE IN THE LEFT. IF ANY BLUNT WEAPON WITH RANGE EXCEEDS ONE OF THOSE TWO WITH REGARDS TO BLUNTNESS OR RANGE, CHOOSE THAT INSTEAD.
SWAP WEAPON TO HAMMER IN RIGHT HAND. AND THE METAL THINGY THAT HELPED US DEFEAT THE FIRST ZOMBIE IN THE LEFT. IF ANY BLUNT WEAPON WITH RANGE EXCEEDS ONE OF THOSE TWO WITH REGARDS TO BLUNTNESS OR RANGE, CHOOSE THAT INSTEAD.
Why not switch it up by trying me instead? 
sorrySORRY, another late night for me. Had to prepare some stuff for a grading panel I'm sitting on on Monday night. If I can get the orders done tomorrow after sax I shall do, otherwise I'll pick it up over weekend.
On the bright side, Biggie can play with the Enchanted Dildo to entertain himself for now
On the bright side, Biggie can play with the Enchanted Dildo to entertain himself for now
Upon hearing the high-pitched scream, your inner hero stirs. You swiftly pull the hammer from your carryall and grab your trusty steel pipe with your left hand. Armed, you race into the park and heroically yell "Biggie to the rescue!"
Knowing that risk assessment is the most vital part of any operation, you quickly assess the scene and the risks involved.
Over by the jungle gym are a young man and woman; they have taken refuge behind the bars of the metal climbing frame, and armed only with rather weedy looking tree branches, are desperately beating at the arms of three zombies which are shoved through the bars, trying to pull the pair out.
Your protective instincts kick in, and you rush forward, raising the hammer you have re-appropriated from the hardware store. You're on the first zombie before it even knows what's hit it, and the hammer makes a satisfying >crunch< sound as it caves in the undead creature's skull.
Before your foe has even hit the ground, you spin around and bring your steel pipe around in an arch, aiming for the second zombie. But now your enemies know you're here, and the second zombie takes a step back, just out of reach of your swing. It takes the offensive and strikes, but you easily dodge its clumsily aimed fist.
You exchange blows, dodging, striking, parrying, and there's a close call when your opponent almost lands a hit to your abdomen, but you use your steel pipe to block it at the last moment. Then, calamity strikes! The zombie wrenches the pipe from your hands, almost pulling you over in the process. The zombie has your weapon!
Knowing that the odds just swung out of your favour, you stride forward, duck under a swing of the pipe, and bring your hammer through in a powerful uppercut. Once more you hear the gooey >crunch< of success, and the zombie's jaw dislocates easy. The momentum of your strike carried the hammer up, up, up.... and internally severs the zombie's skull from its spine.
With only one foe left, you turn, your meaty fist grasped firmly around the shaft of your weapon, and find that the matter of the final zombie has been taken out of your hands. The young couple, heartened by your appearance, have rushed from the jungle gym and are beating the last zombie in turns with their tree branches. As the girl takes out its knee caps (ouch, vicious!) the boy caves in its skull, and it lies twitching on the ground as unlife leaves its undead body.
You turn to the girl and give her your best disarming smile. "Don't worry, ma'am, Biggie is here now." You hold your arms out, so that she may swoon into them.
The young woman gives you a grateful smile, but instead of swooning she rushes over to the young man, who's now propped up against the jungle gym looking extremely peaky. Then, you notice that he has a nasty head wound at the back of his head, probably inflicted during the fight. The girl fawns around him with unfeigned concern, though his attempts to wave her away are feeble and half-hearted, and you immediately hate the guy's guts.
"Please, Mr Biggie, could you help us? I think my brother is seriously hurt."
You immediately retract the hate, and ponder your next move.
Knowing that risk assessment is the most vital part of any operation, you quickly assess the scene and the risks involved.
Over by the jungle gym are a young man and woman; they have taken refuge behind the bars of the metal climbing frame, and armed only with rather weedy looking tree branches, are desperately beating at the arms of three zombies which are shoved through the bars, trying to pull the pair out.
Your protective instincts kick in, and you rush forward, raising the hammer you have re-appropriated from the hardware store. You're on the first zombie before it even knows what's hit it, and the hammer makes a satisfying >crunch< sound as it caves in the undead creature's skull.
Before your foe has even hit the ground, you spin around and bring your steel pipe around in an arch, aiming for the second zombie. But now your enemies know you're here, and the second zombie takes a step back, just out of reach of your swing. It takes the offensive and strikes, but you easily dodge its clumsily aimed fist.
You exchange blows, dodging, striking, parrying, and there's a close call when your opponent almost lands a hit to your abdomen, but you use your steel pipe to block it at the last moment. Then, calamity strikes! The zombie wrenches the pipe from your hands, almost pulling you over in the process. The zombie has your weapon!
Knowing that the odds just swung out of your favour, you stride forward, duck under a swing of the pipe, and bring your hammer through in a powerful uppercut. Once more you hear the gooey >crunch< of success, and the zombie's jaw dislocates easy. The momentum of your strike carried the hammer up, up, up.... and internally severs the zombie's skull from its spine.
With only one foe left, you turn, your meaty fist grasped firmly around the shaft of your weapon, and find that the matter of the final zombie has been taken out of your hands. The young couple, heartened by your appearance, have rushed from the jungle gym and are beating the last zombie in turns with their tree branches. As the girl takes out its knee caps (ouch, vicious!) the boy caves in its skull, and it lies twitching on the ground as unlife leaves its undead body.
You turn to the girl and give her your best disarming smile. "Don't worry, ma'am, Biggie is here now." You hold your arms out, so that she may swoon into them.
The young woman gives you a grateful smile, but instead of swooning she rushes over to the young man, who's now propped up against the jungle gym looking extremely peaky. Then, you notice that he has a nasty head wound at the back of his head, probably inflicted during the fight. The girl fawns around him with unfeigned concern, though his attempts to wave her away are feeble and half-hearted, and you immediately hate the guy's guts.
"Please, Mr Biggie, could you help us? I think my brother is seriously hurt."
You immediately retract the hate, and ponder your next move.
Initiative: success
Melee (RH): CRITICAL SUCCESS: Permanent +1 Melee Modifier gained
Melee (LH): fail
Dodge: success
Melee (RH): fail
Melee (LH) fail
Dodge: fail
Parry: fail
Block: success
Melee (RH): fail
Melee (LH): CRITICAL FAIL - your opponent takes your weapon
Melee (RH): success
Attractiveness (to women): success
Melee (RH): CRITICAL SUCCESS: Permanent +1 Melee Modifier gained
Melee (LH): fail
Dodge: success
Melee (RH): fail
Melee (LH) fail
Dodge: fail
Parry: fail
Block: success
Melee (RH): fail
Melee (LH): CRITICAL FAIL - your opponent takes your weapon
Melee (RH): success
Attractiveness (to women): success
