exhominem
Regular
I humbly present a conversation I would very much like to have with the chancellor of the Imperial State. I'm rapidly beginning to think that the real challenge in playing them comes from dealing with the sheer incompetence of the other generals...
"Hey. Chancellor. You got a minute? We really need to talk."
"Haha, of course, my boy! Is this about my daughter again?"
"Yeah, Okay. We'll start with that. You refuse to let me see her, right?"
"General Bullows is courting her, and you must admit-"
"He's a better catch? No, actually, not really. As far as I can tell he just stays in his dad's castle all day and *****'s about not having enough men and how he's too cool to go on campaign. Meanwhile, I've been following you around for about three months now, taking about a castle a month. Also, I'm pretty sure he's courting Muffling's daughter as well. Who also thinks he's a real catch. If you can believe that."
"Yes, but you see, he is much more renowned then you. Come on, we've got a battle to fight!"
"How?! He never does anything! How is he so popular when he never fights, or talks with anyone, or leaves his bloody castle!? Oh, also, I've been meaning to talk to you about our tactics. Now, we've been doing pretty awesome so far against the Laurian's because all they do is send wave after wave of pikeman after us to get promptly shot to death. Now, the thing I can't understand though, setting aside the Laurian's incompetence, is our own. I mean, it seems like every single general but me fields way too many horsemen. I mean, we're fighting the Laurian's, right? They're just going to end up impaled bloodily on spears, so why bother? For that matter, why do you all insist on charging your infantry lines towards the enemy? I mean, I've just been putting all my men on the first hill I can find and I've yet to be overwhelmed. Pretty much everything dies before getting within a dozen yards of my men."
"I dunno... this whole 'not charging blindly towards our deaths' sounds rather risky... and unsporting."
"It's war! It's not supposed to be sporting! Also, about the Kaiser... why does he never go into battle with us? He's got like... two hundred men, and all he uses them for is to ride around L'Orraine all day. I mean, you think there'd be better uses of his time than hunting bandits. Like leading our country. Or fighting our wars. Or literally doing anything else."
"Ridiculous! It's all part of the Kaiser's master plan! Now follow me, we're going to attack a city deep in enemy territory, even though it leaves the cities and castles we just took wide open to retaliation."
(Sighs) "Yes sir..."
"Hey. Chancellor. You got a minute? We really need to talk."
"Haha, of course, my boy! Is this about my daughter again?"
"Yeah, Okay. We'll start with that. You refuse to let me see her, right?"
"General Bullows is courting her, and you must admit-"
"He's a better catch? No, actually, not really. As far as I can tell he just stays in his dad's castle all day and *****'s about not having enough men and how he's too cool to go on campaign. Meanwhile, I've been following you around for about three months now, taking about a castle a month. Also, I'm pretty sure he's courting Muffling's daughter as well. Who also thinks he's a real catch. If you can believe that."
"Yes, but you see, he is much more renowned then you. Come on, we've got a battle to fight!"
"How?! He never does anything! How is he so popular when he never fights, or talks with anyone, or leaves his bloody castle!? Oh, also, I've been meaning to talk to you about our tactics. Now, we've been doing pretty awesome so far against the Laurian's because all they do is send wave after wave of pikeman after us to get promptly shot to death. Now, the thing I can't understand though, setting aside the Laurian's incompetence, is our own. I mean, it seems like every single general but me fields way too many horsemen. I mean, we're fighting the Laurian's, right? They're just going to end up impaled bloodily on spears, so why bother? For that matter, why do you all insist on charging your infantry lines towards the enemy? I mean, I've just been putting all my men on the first hill I can find and I've yet to be overwhelmed. Pretty much everything dies before getting within a dozen yards of my men."
"I dunno... this whole 'not charging blindly towards our deaths' sounds rather risky... and unsporting."
"It's war! It's not supposed to be sporting! Also, about the Kaiser... why does he never go into battle with us? He's got like... two hundred men, and all he uses them for is to ride around L'Orraine all day. I mean, you think there'd be better uses of his time than hunting bandits. Like leading our country. Or fighting our wars. Or literally doing anything else."
"Ridiculous! It's all part of the Kaiser's master plan! Now follow me, we're going to attack a city deep in enemy territory, even though it leaves the cities and castles we just took wide open to retaliation."
(Sighs) "Yes sir..."
) at least he and his 400+ soldiers accepts my suggestion to take castles. 
