I wouldn't mind a king, we could determine there merit by having the candidates shove a egg in there ass and running from California to DC. The first to make it there with a unbroken egg shall be made King!
I can see myself now, pinching out the egg at the end only to reveal that the egg was hard boiled. When the others protest saying "I could have done that!" I will look down at there eyes with a laser focus of steely determination and say "Indeed you could have, BUT DID YOU?"
Then the musical refrain that will drown out the sound of the roaring applause shall be:
*The men will cheer, the boys will shout when I poop a hard-boiled egg out and I legalize being gay when Pennsylvania avenue is my home!*