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Its not just peasants - my worst crime is killing riderless horses as I ride pass just for the proficiancy gain in my weapon!

I still use a 2H balances sword of war from horseback as it kills most things with a good speed bonus and builds proficiancy really fast (doing 120 damage in a blow from a charge). The proficiancy then comes in real handy for storming castles etc - where I really need to make a difference, personally, in combat situations. BTW what are  your top weapon proficianies? I'm 302 2h.

Also ...Lord will gather troops if they have money (fiefs = money). A lesson I've learned is not to give fiefs to vassals who do not like you. They keep losing relationship untill they defect and then take your hard won towns and castles with them. So do not accept a vassal who is negative in relationship ..or if you do build relationship before giving fiefs to them. Its better to have no vassals than enemys as vassals.
You're going to have fun allocating fiefs, because you lose relationship with almost everyone apart from who you assign the fief to and can end up with all your vassals hating you and rebelling. Be very careful in assigning fiefs, use lords who like you and each other (family members NOT rivals to each other).
What really helps is having high R2R and (for me ) Honor (250 at the moment) as I go for honorable vassals who then like me

You need to speak to your minister - found in the castle or lords hall of your capital/main town/castle (from what you say you've appointed Rolf to this roll.) He'll implement your orders - send emissaries (to other kings asking for peace or declaring war), distribute fiefs, send messages etc, make you lord of a town or whatever. You can change your minister so don't worry - I use my wife as she's not much use for anything else.
Your lords are independent (like you were as a vassal) and can come and go as they want but will often hang out at their castle/ patrol around their fief if they have one. Any of your lords will tell you where the others are if you go 'I want to ask you something-, then 'I want to know the location of someone'.You can also (as Marshall) gather you vassals for a campaign via your minister in your capital.
hope this helps.

thanks for the info guys. It seems its just a juggling game like real politics (everyone is a greedy self serving scumbag). I have reloaded from before I had vassals and aim to try and recruit only linked lords (my in-laws) or family groups (father, sons, nephews etc).
I have high honor because I always let lords go after a battle - most of the swadians like me - so I'll try to go for lords without controversy(??) - or ones that approve of my honorable status - not sure how this'll work but will save A LOT every time I recruit. Will also hold lots of feasts as suggested and save their asses when they're dying.