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Same in both cases (found invisible button). But son cant find that damn button at his own PC screen no matter what we will do.

EDIT
As mentioned above...
Problem solved (well not really)
Button is visible when you set 1600:900 resolution. You can add parties to army and return to own resolution after. Has to suffice until they repair that.

As far as i noticed its random and depends on influence, clan tier and number of other lords without fiefs. At some point i was able to get one castle and one town, but at that time there was no lord without fiefs. Then many lords joined to kingdom i pledged loyalty to, and despite i took another 3 cities and 2 castles i had no chance to get them. After some time i increased my family tier to 4 and married kings daughter. Soon later i captured another city and was one of 3 lords to vote for ownership... So i think its in game mechanic - fight for your position, then you get fief... Or create own kingdom and try to survive.

P.S. As someone above i'v moved escort target to the top of troop lists. That made no difference. Still had to load and retry few times.

I encountered this bug as well. Here are some of my observations:
1. Bug happened twice, at each case person, that i had talk to was also quest giver for next mission.
a) case 1: given mission was missing daughter, i had no chance to test if taking mission before retrying attempt will help, cause at 2nd try i succeeded
b) case 2: given mission was another Feud. I tried to take it before next try, but was unable, cause (as NPC says) I'm on similar mission atm.
2. Every time i enter village only one companion follows me (girl i hired as first companion), rest is wandering somewhere but i can use left-alt to find them.Escort guy is either spawning at my place or not at all. Sometimes i need 1-5 reloads for him to show up.
3. At case 2 i supposed i failed to protect escort target, but at retry i did everything to shield him from harm. No single blood spot on him, but still fight stops, and enemy is offering me mission.