Recent content by Sheriff-murder

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry said:

if you're really that worried about her, graylord, you do realise that it is an option to break up with her gently and like...stick around and help her adjust? be a friend willing to help her avoid what you're worried about?

it's not like you break up and boom never speak again...

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That sounds like a good idea if she's willing. It's always the sudden cutoff and change in daily life that hurts the most, at least to me.

But... I didn't come here to dig up that topic again. The reason I just entered the topic again is that this from a thread in 2015 got very real:

There isn't a what made you worried thread, is there?

Because it sounds like I got the better deal of the breakup I had a while ago by a long shot. (It gave me the kick I needed to meet people, socialize and improve myself. I've got more confidence and I'm actively trying to find someone to be with)
We just recently got back in touch.

There's been some developments that really worry me. 
While she was seeing me, she was gradually getting more confident about herself, started to go out a lot more and being social, trying to get a job and an education and really moving forward despite her anxiety issues. 
Apparently all of that has been thrown out the window since last we spoke, she's completely isolated herself, and is just indoors by herself all day playing games, she's not seeing anybody, she's not meeting friends, even just going to the store once made her sick.

I actually feel sorry for her and I'm really worried about her health, mental or otherwise.

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I just had the police break in to a suicide attempt.

Alright.

I thought that was clear from the outset?

How does clarifying not help if you are reacting to a position I don't hold, exactly?

Graylord said:

She basically made me grope her all night during a going away party

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She literally grabbed my hand and put it on her boobs, and kept wrapping her legs around my thighs. I did not encourage her in any way and pulled away.

Moose! said:

Graylord said:

I'm pretty sure my manager just wants a fling, which I would be fine with.

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Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you still in a relationship?

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Yes? The "would be" is a conditional statement. As in, I am not fine with it, but I were single I would have been.

I never said I wanted to do that while in a relationship. I've been planning on how to break up for a while, these circumstances are just what prompted me to ask around at this point.

Quote from: Graylord on September 02, 2018, 08:56:59 AM

    I'm basically with her just because she was the first and best thing that came around and now I feel like i can't get out.


...you started the relationship for a bad reason...

Quote from: Graylord on September 02, 2018, 08:56:59 AM

    Even though we're so much alike, she often still feels like a stranger to me after a couple of years of being together.


...the relationship hasn't developed into anything worthwhile on your end...

Quote from: Graylord on September 02, 2018, 08:56:59 AM

    I'm starting to worry I'm stuck in a relationship I'm not satisfied with for the rest of my life and getting a bit depressed from it.


...the relationship is hurting you so much that you're starting to suffer from depression...

Quote from: Graylord on September 02, 2018, 08:56:59 AM

    So I've been considering breaking up with her for about a year

Quote from: Graylord on September 03, 2018, 09:50:02 PM

    But I'm just not in love with her  and she's more like a roommate to me and I wish to move on.


...you already know that you want to break up with her...

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Those are all reasons to do it for me, not the other way around.

As for the rest, at what point did I said I actually did anything with my coworker? I only asked for what people thought about it and what I should do. You're still making tons of presumptions.
She flirted with me, and my girlfriend knows as I was upright about it and told her.

I am genuinely investigating and asking for her sake, refuse to believe me and pretend to read my mind and stick to your first impression all you want.

I'm letting you know why I don't find it a reasonable argument.

I at no point said I won't take it into consideration among other responses.

No offense, but literally neither are you and of the two of us I'm the one who lives with her. You literally know a few paragraphs over the internet.

I know what triggers her, how to talk to her, how to soothe her, how to help motivate her and how she reacts to various situations and what will make her have a relapse.

If you're that concerned about her mental well-being, convince her go to a therapist or (if it's that bad) get her committed.

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The thing is, she already has been commited in the past, and she's slowly been working her way up, and is just a few months away from finally being able to finish her studies at 28 and be more independent, it's like literally the ****tiest, most fragile point of her life to go through a breakup.

I'm in no way planning to make the relationship miserable in the meantime, I just want to avoid doing it at the most vurnerable period which could lead to a lot of ****ty long term consequences for her, that's all.

What makes it worse is that she's not a *****, and we rarely fight. She's actually really, really nice. She doesn't deserve being hurt. But I'm just not in love with her  and she's more like a roommate to me and I wish to move on.

She struggles a lot with anxiety and stress, and she's finally getting close to finishing up her studies and starting to build up a customer base. I'm worried she'll drop out and be set back a few years again if I break up at this point.
Is it worse of me to wait until she'll be better off by herself?

I want to be free to have options open.
I've tried talking about such issues with her many times, but when the tears start  I just break down and can't do it and end up trying to patch up and redefine what I said to mean something else instead.

I'm pretty sure my manager just wants a fling, which I would be fine with.

So something out of a sitcom happened to me last night.
The thing is, I may have had the hots the for my department manager for a while, but she ended up dating someone and so I went with getting a girlfriend myself.
My relationship with my girlfriend could have been a lot better. She's pretty much exactly like me, except she prefers doing everything at her own pace, in her own way, while for me it's extremely important to be able to do things with my girlfriend and truly be partners instead of just living together.
Even though we're so much alike, she often still feels like a stranger to me after a couple of years of being together.

I'm a big softie, so I let her move in with me as soon as she suggested it, which was only after like a month or so of dating, so now she's really dug in. I also got huge issues with anxiety and needing to be liked by everybody, so I'm basically incapable of saying no, but I've been thinking about how I miss being single and open for opportunities and wishing we could do more things together. So I've been considering breaking up with her for about a year, but I simply mentally cannot do it, I can't bring myself to say it to her. Telling me to man up and just do it doesn't work. So I'm starting to worry I'm stuck in a relationship I'm not satisfied with for the rest of my life and getting a bit depressed from it.
I'm basically with her just because she was the first and best thing that came around and now I feel like i can't get out.

Meanwhile my manager is now single and she's making this very clear to me in particular. She basically made me grope her all night during a going away party for a colleague (in front of everyone from work) and I'm the only other person who's working full time in her department, so she mentioned all the dirty stuff we could do since we work a lot one-on-one.
Instead of saying no, I'm going to admit I was turned on, but didn't directly say yes to her advances.

What do?