tie couched lance damage to the horse's charge stat (making couching from saddle horse or courser not a very valid way of fighting
Tying couched lance damage to an arbitrary charge value would not only be unrealistic, but would also be un-immersive and at odds with the games internal consistency. As it is now, that dynamic speed mechanic significantly adds to the game.
make lances actually cost money, so you can't get a hunter + lance without getting money
Why make lances expensive? they are essentially long sticks with a small shaft of metal on the end. Although they undoubtedly required a large amount of effort to make, I doubt that the effort required to make a lance would be more than the incredibly complex processes one has to go through to gather the resources and skills needed to make even a 'simple' sword - especially one that is made out of decent quality steel and is properly balanced. As for game balance, look below.
In the new patch, couched lancing seems to rule the
field again
IMO, that is exactly how it should be. Highly mobile, fast and powerful creatures should dominate any battle that takes place in the open. Reducing the power of cavalry would be entirely unrealistic, and would also take away from one of the most fun aspects of the game. Making couched lancing more inaccessible to players would detract a lot from the fun involved in the 'titular' mount part of the game.
It was far worse earlier on, when everybody (including I) was just thrusting their lances at impossible angles left and right, causing one hit kills from obscure directions, and couching was almost entirely ignored. As it is now, couching has to be done deliberately and purposefully; giving any player who is aware of his surroundings ample time to move or retaliate in some way. Although is somewhat hampered in a 'chaotic team battle', that particular experience is also immersive, fun, and downright exciting; and made more so by the potential lethality of an unobserved horseman.
The important thing however, is that in most cases, if the player involved is aware of his surroundings, he can easily dodge, or even just block, a couched lance. If the horseman can land a hit despite this, he is satisfyingly rewarded with a kill (as realistically he should be). I agree with you on making a horseman's approach more obvious through sound.
The argument concerning couching mechanics is one of those at the forefront of the realism/balance/fun debate. As it is now, I think the 'dominance' of the couched lance on the open field makes perfect sense within the context of the game. Rather than 'devaluing' cavalry in any way, the only significant problem remaining is the seemingly random effectiveness of [
edit:Infantry) spears against cavalry (and other inf) at any other angle than a perfectly straight one. This seems to be more a hitbox issue than anything else.