The main issues at the crux here are a) People can't RP well when there is not a mature attitude towards things as a community. People need to start paying taxes, if they are reasonable, because if you don't you will die. Taxers need to less dickish, as most are, and act more like real tax men. For example, taxing people for using armouries and resource locations that you defend is fine. Tolling bridges is fine. Demanding extortionate sums is not. People have and always will be tight with money. Taxmen, and for the most part, bandits, wouldn't want to kill people. They would charge what they thought they would get paid instead of charging over in the hopes of looting the corpse. These are just some of the many examples of situations where people need to start taking things more into account.
Finally, wars. While some structure is needed one must remember:
Inter arma enim silent leges. In times of war the law falls silent, and so besides basic rules of decency when it comes to war's, one should not expect chivalry. Its nice to get it, but don't expect it.