I have played warband since 2011, and have almost 1500 hours in the game having played basically every overhaul mod. It's safe to say I know the game inside and out- and I can say without a doubt that I already like bannerlord far better because I see the potential it has especially for modders. I'm playing on a 5 year old laptop on all medium settings and getting 50-100 FPS even in large battles. There is a possibility that whatever problems you're having are on your end. And the controls haven't changed at all really since Warband so I'm not sure what you're on about there. I was immediately able to jump in and cut down AI like nothing. The game is more challenging, has far more features, and overall is a ton better than warband. I think you should give it a fair chance.
I already have 76 hours in single player and my character has only aged like 1.5 years...I'm pretty sure you're overreacting. At this rate (and yes I did the math) - even if characters only live to 60 (which I'm sure they live longer than that) - I'll be able to play my campaign for over 3000 hours before my character dies of old age. I don't know of anyone who has played a single campaign in Mount and Blade or any mod for Mount and Blade for more than 500-1000 hours without conquering the world or just wanting to start fresh. So it's safe to say people shouldn't be worrying about this mechanic.
I've noticed the same thing...unfortunately most game modes are ONLY FUN with a party of friends such as Captain or Skirmish. Without friends, it's almost impossible to coordinate and win due to lack of voice chat.
Bannerlord has couchable lances! They are just more rare.