Long ago, before Nicholas Cage raped his own finances, he knew only one true fact: tomatoes are meat. Little did he do about it until National Treasure gave him a hint of yellow fever and it destroyed Occidental Civilization accidentally, however, this meant that he would end up winning popularity contests in southern Finland. Saunas, the Winter mage specializing in alcohol consumption and drunk tavern brawling, conjured Academy Awards and declared that Nicholas anally ravaged his own film to the extent that his father become lesbiano and commited suicide. Saunas crammed with Finns swarmed the realm, leaving no choice to devastated Nicholas but to summon the forces of Imperial Russia, which gently and delicately soothed the savage Saunas until it launched the nuclear families of Finland into alternately hibernating cycles. Thus, the crises was averted, but there was a forgotten Nicholas crying for love all by himself. "CHIIIICKEEENS", roared the ninja cyborg bear.
Meanwhile, behind the Abyssinian king's back, the duke of Hazzard revved up his Fin-Decimator 2000, starting his massacre of smelly kindergarteners' parents, of whom at least a dozen conformed to his new Confederacy blue cheese saws. Nicholas couldn't stand